I don't usually set New Year's resolutions, mostly because I'm not that good at follow through. So I have decided to set some reasonable goals this year.
I resolve to procrastinate more and not be disappointed by my lack of accomplishments.
I resolve to eat worse and exercise less.
I resolve to waste lots of time on the ps3 and watching television.
I resolve to keep my four suit spider solitaire winning percentage really high on my new laptop (currently 57%).
I resolve to watch as many games as possible of the undefeated, #20 in the nation, Murray State Racers.
I resolve to remember to change my oil at less than 7,000 miles at least once.
I resolve to clean my house at least twice.
I resolve to edit my facebook status at least once a week. Make that once a month.
I resolve to go to bed instead of falling asleep on the couch, occasionally.
I resolve to get to work on time at least once a week.
I resolve to lower my expectations for the number and quality of blog posts that I will write this year.
These are reachable goals. I should be able to keep all of them.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
By the Skin of My Teeth
These last few months, I haven't been brushing my teeth as frequently as I have in the past, so I was dreading my latest dental appointment. I have gotten into the bad habit of falling asleep watching tv on the couch in the mornings, then rousing just enough to stumble to my bed without making a detour to the toothpaste. Also since my last visit, I have developed a Gatorade addiction and am unaware of the long term effect that it has on teeth. Those worries turned out to be unnecessary because my teeth got their usual clean bill of health. Even my gums got a good report. Probably because I had skipped the usual flossing the week before my appointment to make up for not doing it during the previous six months. I have decided to cut back to only brushing once a day, but I will start flossing regularly. That combined with my normal over achieving saliva gland should keep my teeth from falling out any time soon.
I learned something important about myself during my dental exam. It began just like usual. The hygienist talked about herself while I lay there with tools and fingers in my mouth. She would occasionally ask a question, and I would grunt once for yes and twice for no. When it was time for the dentist to inspect my teeth, he was still busy with another patient. I was stuck there having to talk to the hygienist without anything in my mouth to keep me from forming full sentences. That was when I realized that I prefer conversations where I don't have to do any of the actual talking but can just nod and occasionally grunt at the appropriate time. So from now on, I am going to keep dental tools in my mouth at all times to avoid having to talk to people.
I learned something important about myself during my dental exam. It began just like usual. The hygienist talked about herself while I lay there with tools and fingers in my mouth. She would occasionally ask a question, and I would grunt once for yes and twice for no. When it was time for the dentist to inspect my teeth, he was still busy with another patient. I was stuck there having to talk to the hygienist without anything in my mouth to keep me from forming full sentences. That was when I realized that I prefer conversations where I don't have to do any of the actual talking but can just nod and occasionally grunt at the appropriate time. So from now on, I am going to keep dental tools in my mouth at all times to avoid having to talk to people.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
A Simpler Way to Ship
I've seen this sticker on several packages this year. I am impressed that despite the financial difficulties that my employer is facing, we were able to get this endorsement. I can't help but wonder who awarded us this title. Was it Santa or Jesus?
Speaking of my employer, it turns out that I work in the town from Footloose. Music, or at least headphones, have been banning from the workplace. I will admit that we haven't been following the rules regarding the proper use of headphones, but a complete banning of them is a Fascist plot to ruin my Christmas. Hopefully, this is just a temporary punishment and not a permanent removal of my heart and soul. Apparently my boss doesn't realize that music is required to soothe the savage beast within me and to drown out those voices in my head. RED RUM! RED RUM!
Monday, December 5, 2011
This Is Next Year, a Year Too Late
The Cubs have been waiting til next year to win the World Series for the last 103 years. Their beloved third baseman and radio broadcaster Ron Santo waited 32 years to be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Unfortunately he died before getting in. Here is a first draft of his acceptance speech.
Friday, November 18, 2011
This Little Piggy
Editors note: Depending on how big a nerd you are, you will love this post or be bored to tears. At least its not about fantasy football.
Back when we were all kids, there were sixteen birthdays spread over nine months. Technically it was only fifteen since there are twins in the family. We were only missing May, October, and November By the time the first two great grands were born, the family had grown to twenty-one, and we had birthdays in eleven months. November was all that we lacked. A November married into the family in 2004 and completed our collection. I don't know if twenty-six is a typical number of birthdays to get to one in every month. I ran an experiment on facebook to see. It took twenty-five and thirty-six births on my two attempts.
Once we finally got a November, they kept coming. Three of the last eight new family members were born in November including last Monday's birth. January is tied with September for the most births at four. October is the only month with just one birthday. Since we have all twelve months covered, I think that we should now go for all thirty-one dates. The first and twenty-first are the most common dates at three each. Of course all three births on the first were in September. If I remembered everyone's birthdate correctly, we still need 4, 6, 9, 10, 11, 17, 19, 22, 26, and 31. Anyone wanting to marry into our family would find it to their advantage to have been born on one of those dates. If somehow our unborn descendants are reading this, try to be born on one of these dates.
My parents have five grandchildren who are collectively known as the Handful. Some times, instead of calling them by their names, we will call them by their finger names: Pointer, Bird, Ring, Pinkie, and Thumb. When the fifth Sandlin great grand was born, I named them the Other Hand. That naming and numbering system worked fine for a year and a half until Monday when the youngest Sandlin was born. Since all ten fingers have been taken, it is time to start counting on toes. Unfortunately not all the toes have names. The King Toe and Pinkie Toe do, but the middle three are nameless. The only solution to the problem is to use the This Little Piggy Nursery Rhyme, but the question is, which one? Does he Go to market or Want some corn? I am inclined to choose the latter. It is unlikely that we complete both feet, so I will probably keep counting on the same foot regardless of which side of the family the next great grad is born.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Discount Double Check
It was not my intention to write fantasy football posts two weeks in a row. I realize that if I continue this trend I will drive away at least one of my loyal readers. I would hate to do that since he is a large percentage of my readership. Unfortunately this post had to be written, so please forgive me.
Those of you who follow me on the Twitters, @TodayPOMPOUS, know that on Sunday fantasy football was dead to me. Then Monday night its reanimated corpse declared that it was still alive. The story of how fantasy football was resurrected takes more than 140 characters, so I moved the story to my blog.
In week 9, I faced some tough match-ups. My four opponents were a combined 22-10. I was disappointed by my 2-2 record that weekend. I won't bore you with the details here since you already read about them. This week I expected things to go much easier. My opponents were a lowly 10-26.
It started going bad as soon as the games began. I got online right at kickoff time and learned that DeSean Jackson had been suspended for the game. If I had checked the news just a couple of minutes earlier, I could have benched him. It went down hill from there. By the time that the early games ended on Sunday, all four of my teams were losing badly to vastly inferior teams. To make matters worse Philadelphia was upset by Arizona which brought an end to my Survivor League season.
Monday night there remained a sliver of hope. The Danville Platypi were losing by 6.17 with the Green Bay defense yet to play. The Packers defense, which has been shaky much of the season, contained the leagues best running back and might have pitched a shutout if not for a muffed punt. They scored 9 points which was enough for a 96.98-94.15 victory.
John Brown was in more desperate need on Monday down 35.62 points. I thought that there might be a chance that Greg Jennings, Jordy Nelson, and Mason Crosby could combine for that much but it was unlikely. Aaron Rodgers threw his first TD pass to Jennings and the second one to Nelson with a Crosby field goal in between. When Rodgers threw his fourth TD to Nelson, I had nearly caught up. By this point I was at work listening to the game on the radio. I knew that Rodgers had been benched but I could not tell if Jennings and Nelson were still in the game. The backup QB Matt Flynn ran in a three yard touch down for the final score of the game, and Crosby's sixth extra point gave me the lead. I won 129.54-129.41. The difference in our scores 0.13 is equal to 2.6 rushing or receiving yards, 6.5 passing yards, or 4.55 return yards. I didn't have any karma voodoo working this week, so it had to be pure luck that I got just enough points to win.
ps. I could not think of a name for this post, so I named it for the commercial linked to Aaron Rodgers. You should watch it.
Those of you who follow me on the Twitters, @TodayPOMPOUS, know that on Sunday fantasy football was dead to me. Then Monday night its reanimated corpse declared that it was still alive. The story of how fantasy football was resurrected takes more than 140 characters, so I moved the story to my blog.
In week 9, I faced some tough match-ups. My four opponents were a combined 22-10. I was disappointed by my 2-2 record that weekend. I won't bore you with the details here since you already read about them. This week I expected things to go much easier. My opponents were a lowly 10-26.
It started going bad as soon as the games began. I got online right at kickoff time and learned that DeSean Jackson had been suspended for the game. If I had checked the news just a couple of minutes earlier, I could have benched him. It went down hill from there. By the time that the early games ended on Sunday, all four of my teams were losing badly to vastly inferior teams. To make matters worse Philadelphia was upset by Arizona which brought an end to my Survivor League season.
Monday night there remained a sliver of hope. The Danville Platypi were losing by 6.17 with the Green Bay defense yet to play. The Packers defense, which has been shaky much of the season, contained the leagues best running back and might have pitched a shutout if not for a muffed punt. They scored 9 points which was enough for a 96.98-94.15 victory.
John Brown was in more desperate need on Monday down 35.62 points. I thought that there might be a chance that Greg Jennings, Jordy Nelson, and Mason Crosby could combine for that much but it was unlikely. Aaron Rodgers threw his first TD pass to Jennings and the second one to Nelson with a Crosby field goal in between. When Rodgers threw his fourth TD to Nelson, I had nearly caught up. By this point I was at work listening to the game on the radio. I knew that Rodgers had been benched but I could not tell if Jennings and Nelson were still in the game. The backup QB Matt Flynn ran in a three yard touch down for the final score of the game, and Crosby's sixth extra point gave me the lead. I won 129.54-129.41. The difference in our scores 0.13 is equal to 2.6 rushing or receiving yards, 6.5 passing yards, or 4.55 return yards. I didn't have any karma voodoo working this week, so it had to be pure luck that I got just enough points to win.
ps. I could not think of a name for this post, so I named it for the commercial linked to Aaron Rodgers. You should watch it.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
My Name Is Shane
The fantasy version of the 1972 Miami Dolphins popped the cork on the champagne Monday night. The Neptune Pirates suffered their first loss of the season this weekend. This ended an eleven game winning streak dating back to last year's champions. I now have to win out to top the 13-2 championship season of 2010. I knew that this week was going to be the 8-1 Pirates most difficult test. I was playing against the second place team, now 8-1 also, without Adrian Peterson, Matthew Stafford, and the newly acquired Calvin Johnson. Thankfully the 8-0 NFL Green Bay Packers are still undefeated with a fourteen game winning streak that includes a Super Bowl win. Hopefully they will keep the real 72 Dolphins from celebrating this year.
In other fantasy football news, on Saturday night I reminded my opponent in two leagues that he had not yet edited his lineup for the Sunday's games. I am sure that he would have remembered it on his own, but that act of sportsmanship netted me enough karma to win both games. In another league I did not show that same amount of sportsmanship and lost to a team that had two players in its lineup on their bye week. Only one player on my team reached his projected points total. I scored 44 points less than projected and lost by less than four points. Karma giveth, and karma taketh away.
In other fantasy football news, on Saturday night I reminded my opponent in two leagues that he had not yet edited his lineup for the Sunday's games. I am sure that he would have remembered it on his own, but that act of sportsmanship netted me enough karma to win both games. In another league I did not show that same amount of sportsmanship and lost to a team that had two players in its lineup on their bye week. Only one player on my team reached his projected points total. I scored 44 points less than projected and lost by less than four points. Karma giveth, and karma taketh away.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
I've Got the Conch!
Once upon a time, I was one of those annoying people who read books. I would say things like, "You haven't read A Tale of Two Cities," with equal parts surprise, pity, and superiority. Actually, I said that this week. Unfortunately I no longer read books. As with all things that are left undone in my life, I blame the internet for this. I can't be bothered to read some classic work of literature when I should be reading tweets. I have only read one book this year. Actually, I have read thirteen books, but twelve of them have been audio books, and eleven of those rereads. My most recent reread was Lord of the Flies.
This was the perfect time for me to read this book. The cast ranges from age six to twelve. I have a six years old nephew and a twelve years old niece. Obviously girls are different than boys, but I can imagine what her maturity and mindset would be like in a boy that age. Often when children appear in books, they will behave just like adults would. They are too smart, too rational, and, when Stephen King is writing about them, having too much sex. I think Golding did a good job of capturing the youth of his characters.
If these children had watched Recess, they would have learned the dangers of mob mentality. Instead, tragedy strikes their community. This story contrasts rules vs. anarchy, duty vs. desire, and Bart vs. Nelson. Oh, that last one was from The Simpsons LotF parody, Das Bus. I got it from Netflix after I finished the book. As a bonus, one of my favorite Homer lines was on that disc. "Don't you hate Pants!"
So the children learned to function as a society, and eventually they were rescued by… oh lets say Moe.
This was the perfect time for me to read this book. The cast ranges from age six to twelve. I have a six years old nephew and a twelve years old niece. Obviously girls are different than boys, but I can imagine what her maturity and mindset would be like in a boy that age. Often when children appear in books, they will behave just like adults would. They are too smart, too rational, and, when Stephen King is writing about them, having too much sex. I think Golding did a good job of capturing the youth of his characters.
If these children had watched Recess, they would have learned the dangers of mob mentality. Instead, tragedy strikes their community. This story contrasts rules vs. anarchy, duty vs. desire, and Bart vs. Nelson. Oh, that last one was from The Simpsons LotF parody, Das Bus. I got it from Netflix after I finished the book. As a bonus, one of my favorite Homer lines was on that disc. "Don't you hate Pants!"
So the children learned to function as a society, and eventually they were rescued by… oh lets say Moe.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Halloween
I spent the entire month of October trying to come up with a great Halloween costume. By spent the entire month, I mean that it would cross my mind every couple of days. Nothing came to mind so I continually put it off until later. On the day before the Halloween party, I still had no costume idea. It appeared that I would be one of those lame people who show up to the party with no costume. I was watching the news that afternoon, and they mentioned that Occupy Wall Street would be a popular costume this year. I immediately realized how easy this would be to pull off. I bought a poster board at Kroger and Googled OWS signs, so that my protest would be authentic. I was disappointed by my lack of hippie wear, but I made do as best I could. I went to the party unshaven and without deodorant to simulate the unwashed masses protesting in the streets of New York.
Somehow I did not win the costume contest. I have spent the last few days trying to figure out how I lost. Here are possible explanations that I came up with.
1. I was black balled because people were tired of me winning every year. At the last three parties I have two second places and a first place finish. I don't think that my friends are that petty, so I ruled this out.
2. There were better costumes than mine. Obviously that could never happen.
3. My friends have been brainwashed by Fox News into believing that OWS is evil. While I suspect that some of my friends are Republican, I doubt that they are so easily manipulated as to fall for the Fox News rhetoric. Though if they did drink the Fox News Kool-Aid, they might have thought my costume was very scary.
4. My friends don't watch the news and are unaware of how great my costume is. I think this has to be the most likely answer. I wouldn't watch the news if it didn't come on Comedy Central.
I guess I should have gone with by backup plan. I could have shown up to the party naked and claimed to be Daniel Tosh.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
A Tale of Two Kickers
It was the best of times (Vanderbilt's Carey Spear missed a game tying 27 yard field goal to seal the Arkansas win). It was the worst of times (Murray State's Brandon Potts missed a game tying extra point to seal the Eastern Kentucky win). It is a far, far harder thing to make a kick, than I have ever done; it is a far, far bigger shame to miss, than I have ever known.
Congrats, I guess
I announced that I would be supporting Texas in the World Series before it began. Unfortunately I had to watch game 3 with my favorite Cardinals fan. Due to my love for my brother, I secretly switched my allegiance to St Louis. Baseball teams that I root for have a history of losing, so for Joshua's sake I kept it a secret. Take that baseball gods!
Cheering for the Cardinals is very difficult for me, so it is probably best that I was doing it in secret. It is not because have anything against the city of Saint Louis or any players. Part of my reason is that this was the Cardinals eleventh World Series title. That is more than any team deserves.
The biggest obstacle to me cheering for St Lou is their manager Tony La Russa. He is the best manager in baseball, but he is also a great big jerk. Though I suspect that if he was the Cubs manager, I might be able to overlook that. I read Three Nights in August and still don't like him. For those of you unfamiliar with him, I can best sum him up like this. He is one of those people who like animals better than humans.
So congratulations to Joshua for making that wise decision to be a Cardinals fan twenty some years ago.
Cheering for the Cardinals is very difficult for me, so it is probably best that I was doing it in secret. It is not because have anything against the city of Saint Louis or any players. Part of my reason is that this was the Cardinals eleventh World Series title. That is more than any team deserves.
The biggest obstacle to me cheering for St Lou is their manager Tony La Russa. He is the best manager in baseball, but he is also a great big jerk. Though I suspect that if he was the Cubs manager, I might be able to overlook that. I read Three Nights in August and still don't like him. For those of you unfamiliar with him, I can best sum him up like this. He is one of those people who like animals better than humans.
So congratulations to Joshua for making that wise decision to be a Cardinals fan twenty some years ago.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Retirement
Once upon a time, There was a blog published at this website. Readers would stop by about every third day and find a new post. Technically, that's not true. I was never able to reach my goal of averaging a post every three days except for March and June.
Back in the day, even if I didn't already have a topic in mind, I would open up my laptop and stare at the screen for so long that words would eventually spill from my mind onto the Internet. Lately I have waited until I have a fully formed post in my head. Then I would hope that the thoughts made it to the web through osmosis. So far, that plan has been unsuccessful.
I have been letting too many time consuming activities get in the way of blogging, particularly Batman Arkham Asylum and Lego Star Wars. Or it may just be that my muse has left the country and moved to Texas.
Since I am unable to sustain the level of excellence that I expect from this blog, I am going to shut it down. Once again, I have been defeated by my own mediocrity. I have never felt less pompous.
Thank you for all your devotion to this blog. I hope that this announcement doesn't leave any of you suicidal. You can still follow me on Facebook and Twitter.
His Pompousness, Shane Samples
ps. Oh crap! I just realized that today isn't April 1. I am actually going to have to follow through on this. Oh crap! Think. Think. Think. Got it! Happy October Fool's Day!
Back in the day, even if I didn't already have a topic in mind, I would open up my laptop and stare at the screen for so long that words would eventually spill from my mind onto the Internet. Lately I have waited until I have a fully formed post in my head. Then I would hope that the thoughts made it to the web through osmosis. So far, that plan has been unsuccessful.
I have been letting too many time consuming activities get in the way of blogging, particularly Batman Arkham Asylum and Lego Star Wars. Or it may just be that my muse has left the country and moved to Texas.
Since I am unable to sustain the level of excellence that I expect from this blog, I am going to shut it down. Once again, I have been defeated by my own mediocrity. I have never felt less pompous.
Thank you for all your devotion to this blog. I hope that this announcement doesn't leave any of you suicidal. You can still follow me on Facebook and Twitter.
His Pompousness, Shane Samples
ps. Oh crap! I just realized that today isn't April 1. I am actually going to have to follow through on this. Oh crap! Think. Think. Think. Got it! Happy October Fool's Day!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Best Trade Ever
On Saturday night I put my television's split screen capabilities to good use. I watched game one of the ALCS and the Auburn at Arkansas football game. I did not want to take time from watching the games to cook supper. Lucky for me, I received divine inspiration to order a pizza. It had been far to long since I had eaten pizza, so I considered this the best idea ever. Thankfully, I was not inspired to eat a bagel. I went to the pizza hut dot com and found out that they had a $10 for any pizza special. I should have remembered about that special because of this great commercial.
I picked out my favorite toppings, sausage, bacon, green peppers, red onions, and pineapple. The pizza was as delicious as I had hoped. I ate half of it for supper. I probably could have had another piece but decided to save the other half for another meal.
Sunday night after church, my friends and I went to Larry's Pizza. Larry's is much different than Pizza Hut, so I didn't mind having pizza two days in a row. I ate my fill from the pizza buffet, but I stopped before making myself sick.
Monday night I ate the second half of the Pizza Hut pizza. Even though it was left over and the third day in a row for pizza, it was still better than having Reggie Bush on my fantasy team.
I picked out my favorite toppings, sausage, bacon, green peppers, red onions, and pineapple. The pizza was as delicious as I had hoped. I ate half of it for supper. I probably could have had another piece but decided to save the other half for another meal.
Sunday night after church, my friends and I went to Larry's Pizza. Larry's is much different than Pizza Hut, so I didn't mind having pizza two days in a row. I ate my fill from the pizza buffet, but I stopped before making myself sick.
Monday night I ate the second half of the Pizza Hut pizza. Even though it was left over and the third day in a row for pizza, it was still better than having Reggie Bush on my fantasy team.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Take Me Out to the Ballgame
I have been so busy watching all this great playoff baseball that I have failed to write about it. The last time that I wrote about baseball was back in July. The Cubs were terrible, so I moved my allegiance to the Pirates. At the time Pittsburgh was 49-44, half a game out of first place. For the rest of the season the Pirates went 23-46 and finished 24 games out of first. Meanwhile Chicago went 33-33 from that point and finished one game behind Pittsburgh with a 71-91 record.
When the playoffs started, Tampa became my new favorite team. Sadly, they lost to Texas, but on the bright side, the Yankees lost to Detroit. Now I am rooting for Milwaukee. I feel a little guilty that I am not pulling for Saint Louis since so many of my friends and family are Cardinal fans. Plus there is the subplot that St. Louis and Milwaukee both have free agent to be first basemen, and I don't know how much winning or loosing the World Series will influence them into resigning with their current teams. I really want one of them to play for Chicago next season.
Pujols is a better player, but I would rather have Fielder. He is four years younger and hits from the left side, which would help balance the mostly right handed Cubs lineup. Also, I think that Pujols is more likely to resign with St. Louis and not go to the highest bidder. I would not be opposed to bringing Pena back at first for less money than those two, if the money saved was used to resign Ramirez and get some pitching help.
When the playoffs started, Tampa became my new favorite team. Sadly, they lost to Texas, but on the bright side, the Yankees lost to Detroit. Now I am rooting for Milwaukee. I feel a little guilty that I am not pulling for Saint Louis since so many of my friends and family are Cardinal fans. Plus there is the subplot that St. Louis and Milwaukee both have free agent to be first basemen, and I don't know how much winning or loosing the World Series will influence them into resigning with their current teams. I really want one of them to play for Chicago next season.
Pujols is a better player, but I would rather have Fielder. He is four years younger and hits from the left side, which would help balance the mostly right handed Cubs lineup. Also, I think that Pujols is more likely to resign with St. Louis and not go to the highest bidder. I would not be opposed to bringing Pena back at first for less money than those two, if the money saved was used to resign Ramirez and get some pitching help.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Thanks for Nothing Chris
Monday will be the five hundred nineteenth anniversary of the day that Christopher Columbus brought smallpox to this hemisphere. Every year the USPS closes their offices to celebrate this holiday. Some times they let me have a day off work to celebrate also. As I was leaving work Wednesday morning, I checked the holiday schedule to find out if I would be working that day. Monday is my normal day off, so my holiday falls on Saturday. To my surprise, only four people were scheduled to work their Saturday holiday. I knew that whichever supervisor had made out the holiday schedule had made a mistake. I was worried about who would cover my job while I wasn't there, for about a second. Then I started planning how I would spend my unexpected day off. My usual agenda on long weekends is to go to Clinton. Since I will be going there in a couple of weeks, I decided to stay home. I spent the next two days planning all those things that I could do with a longer weekend. This morning at 6:15, fifteen minutes before my holiday would begin, my supervisor told me that I would be working tonight after all. I was not surprised, but I was disappointed that I had wasted two days anticipating that I would be off work. I hope that the plans that I made will inspire me to waste less of the time off work that I actually have.
ps. I found an earring at my house this morning. If no one claims it, I will have to get an ear pierced.
ps. I found an earring at my house this morning. If no one claims it, I will have to get an ear pierced.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Almost a Hundred Thousandaire
The first two installments of my Hundred Thousandaire series are the third and fourth most viewed posts that I have written. In Former Hundred Thousandaire, I gave an accounting of how I spent my ESPN winnings. In Potential Hundred Thousandaire, I told the tale of how a financial broker promised to turn my small pile of coins into a mountain of cash. Here is the dramatic conclusion to the Hundred Thousandaire Trilogy.
ESPN has changed some of the rules for Streak for the Cash since I won last April. Instead of giving away $100,000 every month, the monthly winner gets $50,000. If the winning streak is 27 or longer, the winners gets the second $50,000. When no one's streak reaches 27, the $50,000 bonus rolls over to the next month. It was August before anyone reached the magic number 27. That player won $50,000 plus 8 months worth of bonuses for a total of $450,000.
On September 22 a player won his 27th game, guaranteeing that someone would win the full $100,000. He lost on Sept 25 leaving the door open for someone to catch him. Another player got his 26th win on Sept 24. His winning percentage was .745 at that time. Winning percentage is used as the tiebreaker. His percentage was better than the .696 winning percentage of the guy with 27 wins. So he only needed just one more win to get the tie at 27 instead of having to go for 28. His 26th win was a Georgia Tech football game. He had 6 days to find the game that gave him the best chance at claiming his prize. Finally on Sept 30, he picked the Yankees to beat the Tigers in the first game of the ALDS. Unfortunately for him, the game was rained out. By the time the game was suspended, there were no games left to choose. He was stuck at 26 with no chance of extending his streak.
I also picked the Georgia Tech game that day, though my streak at the time was just 2. I won 10 more games after that win. Any of those would have been good enough to garner him $100,000. I think that not picking a game before the 30th will haunt him for the rest of his life. I still have not forgiven Big Erv for beating Ricky Ro last year to end my streak, and I won the money. I can't imagine how hard it would be to get that close and loose because of rain. I mentioned that I won 10 games in the last week, but I left out the part where I also lost 5 games. Even so, I would rather lose on a complete game 4 hitter by Big Erv, than be robbed of a chance to win by a thunderstorm.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
One Out of Three Ain't Bad
I used to be pretty good at coming up with catchy titles for my posts, but lately I have been disappointed with my efforts. A couple weeks ago, I had intended to title this post "Always a Bridesmaid," but then the unthinkable happened. Just like the Cardinals and the Rays, I completed a miraculous comeback.
Been Caught Stealing, my National League only team, was in eighth place of ten for most of May. In late June I was a season high 33 points out of first place. With the help of Dan Uggla's 33 game hitting streak, I made a stead climb up the standings. By late July I was in fifth place. On September 5, I moved into medal contention, third place, 12 points out of first. On the 19th, I was tied for second place and only one point out of first. The next day, I moved into first place and stayed there for the rest of the season. In September I raised my point total from 61 to 79, gaining points in nearly every category. I did all of this with very little contribution from my first round draft choice Hanley Ramirez, who missed 70 games and played bad even when healthy. That gives me some hope for my fantasy football teams.
Suicide Squeeze spent much of the season in third place, but had been in second for the past week. On the last day of the season I lost 3.5 points and finished in third place. The pitching dominance of Roy Halladay and Clayton Kershaw could not make up for my under performing outfield Carl Crawford, Jason Werth, and Andrew McCutchen.
Tinker2Evers2Chance, my head to head team, lost 6-3 in the championship game to the number one seed.
All three of my teams finished in the top three of their league. It is amazing how good I am at this when I don't have to play against Joshua.
Been Caught Stealing, my National League only team, was in eighth place of ten for most of May. In late June I was a season high 33 points out of first place. With the help of Dan Uggla's 33 game hitting streak, I made a stead climb up the standings. By late July I was in fifth place. On September 5, I moved into medal contention, third place, 12 points out of first. On the 19th, I was tied for second place and only one point out of first. The next day, I moved into first place and stayed there for the rest of the season. In September I raised my point total from 61 to 79, gaining points in nearly every category. I did all of this with very little contribution from my first round draft choice Hanley Ramirez, who missed 70 games and played bad even when healthy. That gives me some hope for my fantasy football teams.
Suicide Squeeze spent much of the season in third place, but had been in second for the past week. On the last day of the season I lost 3.5 points and finished in third place. The pitching dominance of Roy Halladay and Clayton Kershaw could not make up for my under performing outfield Carl Crawford, Jason Werth, and Andrew McCutchen.
Tinker2Evers2Chance, my head to head team, lost 6-3 in the championship game to the number one seed.
All three of my teams finished in the top three of their league. It is amazing how good I am at this when I don't have to play against Joshua.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Is the NBA Still Locked Out?
Editor's note: I realize that you don't want to read another fantasy football post, but my other option today was a detailed description of my bodily functions from when I tried to die on Friday. Trust me, you are better off getting fantasy football.
Once upon a time, I wrote about how the success of three of my fantasy football teams would rely heavily on the legs on Jamaal Charles. Just twelve carries into the season, he tore his ACL, and ended his season. Arian Foster, who plays for one of my other teams, had ten carries in the only game he has played so far this season. His hamstring might be healthy enough to play some next week. Michael Vick left his last two games with injuries. My first round draft pick in all five leagues have been injured this season.
That last sentence is only marginally true. I am in two leagues that keep players on your team from the previous season. Foster and Adrian Peterson were my two keepers in one of those leagues. They were the ranked the top two players in fantasy football before the season started. Peterson was actually my first choice to keep, though Foster's stats were much better than Peterson's last year.
Without those key players my teams have a combined record of 7-8. The Neptune Pirates, 3-0 even without Foster, are my only hope for championship this year. I am so ready for basketball season.
Once upon a time, I wrote about how the success of three of my fantasy football teams would rely heavily on the legs on Jamaal Charles. Just twelve carries into the season, he tore his ACL, and ended his season. Arian Foster, who plays for one of my other teams, had ten carries in the only game he has played so far this season. His hamstring might be healthy enough to play some next week. Michael Vick left his last two games with injuries. My first round draft pick in all five leagues have been injured this season.
That last sentence is only marginally true. I am in two leagues that keep players on your team from the previous season. Foster and Adrian Peterson were my two keepers in one of those leagues. They were the ranked the top two players in fantasy football before the season started. Peterson was actually my first choice to keep, though Foster's stats were much better than Peterson's last year.
Without those key players my teams have a combined record of 7-8. The Neptune Pirates, 3-0 even without Foster, are my only hope for championship this year. I am so ready for basketball season.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Take Me Out to the Movies
I learned a valuable lesson Tuesday night. If you have free passes to a movie, get there early. My friendly neighborhood librarian hooked me up with a free ticket to see Moneyball. We made the mistake of both standing in the popcorn line. When we got into the theater, there were not many seats left and none together. Luckily we only had to sit one row apart and could pass the popcorn bucket from one row to the next.
Before the movie we were shown the eight minute trailer for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I had heard of the book but knew nothing about it. It surprised me that the movie was about solving a forty year old murder. The word dragon should never appear in a title unless there is a dragon in the story. Despite the misleading title, the movie looks like it could be good.
I don't watch movies in the theater very often, and even less often, in sold out theaters. The audience laughed out loud more than I thought was appropriate. That could have been because I have seen the commercials so many times, that I have memorized most of the lines that drew laughter.
I liked the movie. It was so good that it even made Jonah Hill likable. If I ever again become the type of person who reads books, I may read Moneyball. Michael Lewis's other book turned movie, The Blind Side, was much better as a book than a movie.
Before the movie we were shown the eight minute trailer for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I had heard of the book but knew nothing about it. It surprised me that the movie was about solving a forty year old murder. The word dragon should never appear in a title unless there is a dragon in the story. Despite the misleading title, the movie looks like it could be good.
I don't watch movies in the theater very often, and even less often, in sold out theaters. The audience laughed out loud more than I thought was appropriate. That could have been because I have seen the commercials so many times, that I have memorized most of the lines that drew laughter.
I liked the movie. It was so good that it even made Jonah Hill likable. If I ever again become the type of person who reads books, I may read Moneyball. Michael Lewis's other book turned movie, The Blind Side, was much better as a book than a movie.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
#HousePride
JKR and the Internet Wizards are creating a new Harry Potter website called Pottermore. I follow Pottermore on twitter to keep up with news about the site. For four days last week, Pottermore requested that people hashtag their house pride. Some people just stated in which house they belonged, and others quoted lines from the books about their house. This was a great opportunity for tweeters to get creative and show off their punability. Unfortunately there were so many lame tweets, that I gave up searching for the great ones, but I did find a few good ones. One person said their house was Slytherincredible. Another claimed their house was Ravenclawesome. Being a Hufflepuff may make me a little biased, but the best tweets I saw were for #HufflepuffPride. "We will badger you until we are in the lead." "If Harry was in Hufflepuff, he would have found all the horcruxes in the first chapter." And by far my favorite, "Every day I'm HUFFLIN." Though you might not find it as funny if you don't know Party Rock Anthem.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Epic Fails
I was a little more than an hour away from Little Rock when the first fail of the weekend occurred. I changed lanes to pass a semi when the all too familiar sound of a flat tire distracted me from Gerard Doyle. I was hoping that the flat belonged to the trailer truck, but when the decibel level went up to eleven, I knew I had a problem. I was trapped in the left lane, a third of the way around the semi, and a car was closing in on me. I briefly considered passing before getting off the road, but i doubt that Betty or I would have lived through that. I turned on my blinker and hit the brakes hoping that the driver behind me had noticed my tire disintegrating. I made my way to the road's shoulder in safety.
The next fail was mine. I have only been writing here for eight months, but that should have been long enough for me to learn to photograph all of the interesting moments of my life. As a result of my incompetence as a journalist, there are no photos of what was left of my tire. Any thoughts of blogging that I may have had were driven from my mind by the fear of changing a tire on the edge of I40 with nothing between me and 70 mph traffic except the wake-up strip. After I changed the tire, my phone found a tire store just a few miles away at the next exit.
Side note: I think my phone needs a name. My first instinct is Giles or Wes, but my phone is not British. I can't think of any other name that represents the entirety of human knowledge. Oh well, that's a topic for another day.
My next epic fail was that I could not keep the invalid out of the kitchen. As usual, I got distracted by the Internet, but this time I had a good excuse. ESPN3 was showing Murray State's 39-0 win at MVSU. I was partially able to make up for my mistake by washing the dishes after every meal.
The most epic fail goes to the Dallas Cowboys for blowing a 14 point fourth quarter lead. It was so epic that the bards will write tales of the hubris that lead to their humiliating defeat and will sing them for all the world to hear. The ballads about this lose will spread to the ends of the earth, so that everyone will know that Tony Romo can't finish off an opponent. To put that another way, I will incessantly mock the dozens of Cowboy fans with whom I work and will continue to make jest until the Cowboys can win a meaningful game, which means forever.
My last fail of the weekend was on Monday when I drove past the Dairy Queens without stopping. I stopped for gas in Holland and had only been back in the car for an hour when I got to West Memphis. I didn't want to stop again so soon. By the time I got to Forrest City, I could smell home and was unwilling to make a ten minute stop, even for DQ.
For the greater part of the weekend there was at least one snuggler in my lap. That was worth going through any number of failures.
The next fail was mine. I have only been writing here for eight months, but that should have been long enough for me to learn to photograph all of the interesting moments of my life. As a result of my incompetence as a journalist, there are no photos of what was left of my tire. Any thoughts of blogging that I may have had were driven from my mind by the fear of changing a tire on the edge of I40 with nothing between me and 70 mph traffic except the wake-up strip. After I changed the tire, my phone found a tire store just a few miles away at the next exit.
Side note: I think my phone needs a name. My first instinct is Giles or Wes, but my phone is not British. I can't think of any other name that represents the entirety of human knowledge. Oh well, that's a topic for another day.
My next epic fail was that I could not keep the invalid out of the kitchen. As usual, I got distracted by the Internet, but this time I had a good excuse. ESPN3 was showing Murray State's 39-0 win at MVSU. I was partially able to make up for my mistake by washing the dishes after every meal.
The most epic fail goes to the Dallas Cowboys for blowing a 14 point fourth quarter lead. It was so epic that the bards will write tales of the hubris that lead to their humiliating defeat and will sing them for all the world to hear. The ballads about this lose will spread to the ends of the earth, so that everyone will know that Tony Romo can't finish off an opponent. To put that another way, I will incessantly mock the dozens of Cowboy fans with whom I work and will continue to make jest until the Cowboys can win a meaningful game, which means forever.
My last fail of the weekend was on Monday when I drove past the Dairy Queens without stopping. I stopped for gas in Holland and had only been back in the car for an hour when I got to West Memphis. I didn't want to stop again so soon. By the time I got to Forrest City, I could smell home and was unwilling to make a ten minute stop, even for DQ.
For the greater part of the weekend there was at least one snuggler in my lap. That was worth going through any number of failures.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Charles in Charge
The fantasy football draft season ends tonight. As always, it was a stressful time. Even though I had some scheduling conflicts, I was able to attend all five of my drafts. That is one of the keys to success since auto-draft is the death to a team. I did not do much pre-draft research this year, so I likely missed some late round sleepers.
When a draft ends, I nearly always believe that my team is the best even without looking at anyone else's squad. New this year, Yahoo gives an award for best draft based on projected stats. I only won it in one of my four Yahoo leagues, so there must be a flaw in their math. I try to diversify my teams, so that they are not all dependent on the same players. I ended up getting Jamaal Charles in three leagues. If he gets hurt, 60% of my teams will be out of contention.
Now that all the excitement of the draft is over, it is time for the long boring NFL season. My fantasy teams will keep me interested in the season for about four weeks. After that, I will be ready to move on to basketball.
ps. I bet you would have preferred a post about Scott Baio.
When a draft ends, I nearly always believe that my team is the best even without looking at anyone else's squad. New this year, Yahoo gives an award for best draft based on projected stats. I only won it in one of my four Yahoo leagues, so there must be a flaw in their math. I try to diversify my teams, so that they are not all dependent on the same players. I ended up getting Jamaal Charles in three leagues. If he gets hurt, 60% of my teams will be out of contention.
Now that all the excitement of the draft is over, it is time for the long boring NFL season. My fantasy teams will keep me interested in the season for about four weeks. After that, I will be ready to move on to basketball.
ps. I bet you would have preferred a post about Scott Baio.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Between the Sheets
When my family gets together, the boys challenge each other to feats of skill that test our bravery and intelligence. It involves calculating odds and predicting one another's actions. Only the most daring, and at times luckiest of us, may claim victory. We all take turns winning and losing, except for Joshua who only wins. We keep score with money. People call this contest poker. We play with a $.50 bet limit, so it takes a while to win or lose any money.
Some times we will take a break from poker to do some gambling. Gambling is betting on something that is completely out of your control. As opposed to poker which is a skill game. This weekend we played a game called between the sheets or tweener. Two cards are dealt face up.
The player then chooses to bet if the next card will be between those two cards. If he likes his odds, he will bet as much as he wants, up to the amount in the pot.
When the third card is between the two cards, the bettor takes the amount that he bet out of the pot.
When the card is outside of the other two, the bettor pays what he bet.
If the card is the same as the one of the others, he has to pay double his bet.
If the bettor does not like the spread, he can decline to bet and play moves on to the next bettor. Being able to count cards does help in this game. But it is mostly just luck of the draw. Hopefully some day, I will remember that I have bad luck. On six bets in a row Saturday, I had to double my bet. Thankfully they were mostly small bets, but one of them was $6 after the double. For the weekend I finished down $7.47, most of that was while playing tweener.
I should have learned my lesson the first time that I ever played it. On my first Sandlin fishing trip, I lost $12 for the week, but $20 of that was on two bets of tweener. I doubled a $5 bet, then tried to win that $10 back on the next bet. This is why I rarely bet on anything that is out of my control.
Some times we will take a break from poker to do some gambling. Gambling is betting on something that is completely out of your control. As opposed to poker which is a skill game. This weekend we played a game called between the sheets or tweener. Two cards are dealt face up.
The player then chooses to bet if the next card will be between those two cards. If he likes his odds, he will bet as much as he wants, up to the amount in the pot.
When the third card is between the two cards, the bettor takes the amount that he bet out of the pot.
When the card is outside of the other two, the bettor pays what he bet.
If the card is the same as the one of the others, he has to pay double his bet.
If the bettor does not like the spread, he can decline to bet and play moves on to the next bettor. Being able to count cards does help in this game. But it is mostly just luck of the draw. Hopefully some day, I will remember that I have bad luck. On six bets in a row Saturday, I had to double my bet. Thankfully they were mostly small bets, but one of them was $6 after the double. For the weekend I finished down $7.47, most of that was while playing tweener.
I should have learned my lesson the first time that I ever played it. On my first Sandlin fishing trip, I lost $12 for the week, but $20 of that was on two bets of tweener. I doubled a $5 bet, then tried to win that $10 back on the next bet. This is why I rarely bet on anything that is out of my control.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Birthdaypalooza
I have been suffering from writer's block all week. It may be because I am too intimidated to follow up my brilliant posts from last week. I set the bar so high that it will be impossible to remain at that level of comedic genius. My block may have come from my knowing that I should be cleaning my house instead of trying to write. I subconsciencely have sabotaged my writing because of my house cleaning procrastination. Now that I am ready for my weekend guest, I hope that I am able to turn some thoughts into words.
I finished rewatching Angel on Monday. It was, as always, even better than I remembered. Since the news is on vacation this week, I have not had any tv to watch, so I started watching some shows on netflix.
I have mixed feelings about Family Guy. I love Stewie and Brian but hate Peter. I will likely watch some more of this because in every episode so far there has been at least one laugh out loud moment.
So far I am very disappointed by The League. I should love a show about fantasy football, but through two episodes I do not like any of the characters. I will watch a couple more before making a decision. This show may be like Entourage, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Curb Your Enthusiasm, funny shows but unlikable characters. If that is the case, I will not watch much longer.
Even though I am not an online gamer, I really like The Guild. Nerddom and complete lack of social skills are my areas of expertise, so I relate well to this show. Mostly I watch it because of three time Whedonite Felicia Day.
The college football season started last night with a Bluegrass double header. Murray State lost 21-9 at Louisville. The Racers really struggled at times and only kept the game that close because of Cardinal mistakes. I think we will be ok against OVC competition. In Nashville, for some unknown reason, Kentucky beat Western Kentucky 14-3. Being a fan of both schools, I never could figure out which team I was pulling for in the game.
I thought that I would have more to write today since I am over half way through birthday week. But Beebe is calling my name, so I will sign off and head to the northeast.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Carrot Top
Would you rather Mac ask you about having super powers or a different topic? Hopefully, this will inspire a new topic of conversation.
Last Wednesday at church the speaker was talking about getting more involved in the church and forming closer relationships with our fellow members. He said that we all need a Paul, a Timothy, and a Barnabus in our lives. Paul to be your mentor. Timothy to be mentored. Barnabus to be a close friend who will hold you accountable. My friends and I were discussing the lesson after church, and someone, maybe me, thought that there needed to be more Bible character choices to describe the people in our lives. Here are a few that I came to mind.
Ellen is Lot to my Abraham. I am the older, wiser relative who let's her choose first.
When I was much younger Michelle was Aaron to my Moses. She was my mouth piece when I was a less skilled talker.
Many people could claim the name Eutychus to Mac's Paul. He can talk anyone to sleep.
Numerous people have been Mary to my Martha or Martha to my Mary depending on who is playing the role of Jesus.
Joshua is Peter to my Malchus. Though it was my tooth and not my ear.
Joshua is also Jacob. He stole the birthrite by having the first blue eyed, blonde headed grandchild.
Butch is also Jacob. He loves to give coats to many Josephs.
Traci is Jesus at the wedding, turning water into coffee.
ESPN, the queen of Sheba, gave me riches when I displayed the wisdom of Solomon.
If I ever cooked for her, Susan would be Hananiah, Mishael, Azariah, or Daniel and refuse to eat the meat.
This was a fun exercise in analogy. There are so many more Bible characters that I did not get to use. Could someone volunteer to be Eglon, so that I can gore them with my sword like Ehud?
Last Wednesday at church the speaker was talking about getting more involved in the church and forming closer relationships with our fellow members. He said that we all need a Paul, a Timothy, and a Barnabus in our lives. Paul to be your mentor. Timothy to be mentored. Barnabus to be a close friend who will hold you accountable. My friends and I were discussing the lesson after church, and someone, maybe me, thought that there needed to be more Bible character choices to describe the people in our lives. Here are a few that I came to mind.
Ellen is Lot to my Abraham. I am the older, wiser relative who let's her choose first.
When I was much younger Michelle was Aaron to my Moses. She was my mouth piece when I was a less skilled talker.
Many people could claim the name Eutychus to Mac's Paul. He can talk anyone to sleep.
Numerous people have been Mary to my Martha or Martha to my Mary depending on who is playing the role of Jesus.
Joshua is Peter to my Malchus. Though it was my tooth and not my ear.
Joshua is also Jacob. He stole the birthrite by having the first blue eyed, blonde headed grandchild.
Butch is also Jacob. He loves to give coats to many Josephs.
Traci is Jesus at the wedding, turning water into coffee.
ESPN, the queen of Sheba, gave me riches when I displayed the wisdom of Solomon.
If I ever cooked for her, Susan would be Hananiah, Mishael, Azariah, or Daniel and refuse to eat the meat.
This was a fun exercise in analogy. There are so many more Bible characters that I did not get to use. Could someone volunteer to be Eglon, so that I can gore them with my sword like Ehud?
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Another Sequel
There is a movie about to come out called Apollo 18. I don't know what it is about, but my guess is that Tom Hanks and Kevin Bacon have wrecked the spacecraft for the 18th time. I don't understand why NASA keep letting them go to space. Bruce Willis and a bunch of oil drillers messed up their shuttle less than Hanks and Bacon did. 13 is the only one of the Apollo movies that I have seen. It's possible that different astronauts wreck the shuttle in each movie. I hope that this time Ben Stiller is one of the astronauts who does not make it back from space alive.
Of course I could be completely wrong about the plot of this movie. Maybe this is the 18th Rocky movie, and acting coach Carl Weathers has finally gotten top billing. Apollo died back in Rocky IV, so either he will be boxing in heaven or will be a boxing zombie. I think either script could work. Zombie boxers would explain why Mike Tyson ate Evander Holyfield's ear.
Of course I could be completely wrong about the plot of this movie. Maybe this is the 18th Rocky movie, and acting coach Carl Weathers has finally gotten top billing. Apollo died back in Rocky IV, so either he will be boxing in heaven or will be a boxing zombie. I think either script could work. Zombie boxers would explain why Mike Tyson ate Evander Holyfield's ear.
Monday, August 22, 2011
craZy is as craZy does
A complete lack of inspiration coupled with a full schedule prevented me from writing anything last week. Today you are getting a week old story. I wish that I could force more of my thoughts into word to fill this post, but the heartache of this is still too fresh for me to adequately form sentences.
On July 19, 2004 Carlos Zambrano pitched against the Saint Louis Cardinals, Jim Edmonds hit a homerun in the fourth inning. There were some words exchanged between Edmonds and Big Z after that homerun and after Edmonds strikes out in the sixth. Then in the eighth Scott Rolen hit a homerun to give the Cardinals the lead. The next batter was Edmonds. As he was walking to the plate, I knew that Zambrano was going to throw at him. Big Z hit him with the first pitch and was ejected from the game. That game is when Zambrano became my favorite player.
The 30 year old pitcher has compiled a 125-81 record with 1542 strikeouts and a career 3.60 era. The 3 time all-star led the National League in wins in 2006 and pitched a no hitter in 2008. His bat is as good as his arm. Three times he won the Silver Slugger, the award given to the best hitter at each position.
Last Friday Carlos Zambrano gave up five homeruns in a game for the first time in his career. After the fifth homer, he threw two pitches dangerously close to Chipper Jones and was ejected from the game. He went into the clubhouse, cleaned out his locker, and retired from the game. This is a sad end to what was once a promising baseball career.
He has burned all of his bridges in Chicago, but I hope that he will return to baseball with another team next season.
On July 19, 2004 Carlos Zambrano pitched against the Saint Louis Cardinals, Jim Edmonds hit a homerun in the fourth inning. There were some words exchanged between Edmonds and Big Z after that homerun and after Edmonds strikes out in the sixth. Then in the eighth Scott Rolen hit a homerun to give the Cardinals the lead. The next batter was Edmonds. As he was walking to the plate, I knew that Zambrano was going to throw at him. Big Z hit him with the first pitch and was ejected from the game. That game is when Zambrano became my favorite player.
The 30 year old pitcher has compiled a 125-81 record with 1542 strikeouts and a career 3.60 era. The 3 time all-star led the National League in wins in 2006 and pitched a no hitter in 2008. His bat is as good as his arm. Three times he won the Silver Slugger, the award given to the best hitter at each position.
Last Friday Carlos Zambrano gave up five homeruns in a game for the first time in his career. After the fifth homer, he threw two pitches dangerously close to Chipper Jones and was ejected from the game. He went into the clubhouse, cleaned out his locker, and retired from the game. This is a sad end to what was once a promising baseball career.
Z has become better known for his emotional outbursts than his pitching. His rage fueled meltdowns were aimed at teammates as often as opponents. The dugout was never a safe place when he had a bad game. A Braves fan bragged to me that he was glad that Atlanta made Big Z retire. But I do not think anyone can take the credit when an insane person does something crazy. It would be like taking credit when a hypochondriac goes to the doctor because you sneezed near them.
He has burned all of his bridges in Chicago, but I hope that he will return to baseball with another team next season.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Cubs Win!
I met someone last week. I don't like meeting people. One reason for this is that eventually the question is asked, "What do you do?" The honest answer is that I don't do much. I am very boring. But last week when introducing myself, for the first time part of my answer was that I write. I don't write well or often, but I now think of myself as a writer. Writing, like most arts, requires lots of practice. If I am ever to grow into a better writer, I need to turn off this ballgame so that I am not too distracted to think.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Love Your Enemies
On Wednesday last week, I got the rare opportunity to hear my cousin preach a sermon. He is usually quite taciturn, so one rarely gets the chance to hear his opinions, especially when he is around a blabbermouth like me. There are also some other good sermons at this site. I must warn you that if you are not willing to love your enemies, you should not listen to his sermon.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Make Mine Marvel
A couple of months ago after watching the second of three Marvel movies that came out this year, I realized that I needed to rank all of the Marvel movies. I could have relied on my memory of these movies, but instead I rewatched them all. I own about half of these and watched the rest through Netflix and on cable. I am disappointed in myself for not watching my dvd’s more often. Of course getting a movie from Netflix every other day fills most of my movie watching needs. I have included in my commentary how others have rated these movies. IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes users rate movies on a scale to 10, so I used the same rating system. I have listed the movies in chronologic order. If you can’t wait to find out my rankings, you can skip down to the list at the bottom of the post. As is always the case whenever I make a list, it is subject to change the next time that I watch them. Also, I have only watched the two most recent movies once each. I will need to see them again for a more accurate rating.
Howard the Duck (1986) - This movie has all the classic 80’s movie clichés, and Lea Thompson is working a horrible or awesome 80’s do. It holds up if for nothing else than the nostalgia factor. Thankfully George Lucas made this in 1986 with a midget in a duck suit instead of Jar Jaring it up now. Also bonus points for a Penske sighting. IMDB 4.1, RT 2.5, TP 8.0
The Punisher (1989) - Typical 80's action movie. Lots of people shoot at and miss one guy while he kills someone with every shot he takes. Then it ends with the classic enemy of my enemy is my friend until I can double cross him. IMDB 5.3, RT 3.6, TP 4.9
Captain America (1990) - This was not released in the US. I didn’t even know that it existed until recently. Lucky for me Syfy showed the movie several times when the new version of the movie came out. It is obvious that this movie is very low budget. It looks like it was made a decade before it was actually made. The story was nearly as bad as the production value. IMDB 2.9, RT 2.8, TP 1.8
Fantastic Four (1994) - This movie was never intended to be released, and it was made only because the studio that owned the rights to make a Fantastic Four movie would lose those rights if it did not begin production by a certain date. Though the budget was small, but the story was better than the movies that followed. If there had been some big time special effects, it might have hidden some of the holes in the story. IMDB 3.8, RT 4.6, TP 6.2
Blade (1998) - Blade hits exactly where it aims. As much blood and violence as you would expect from a vampire movie. Though he is not as good at killing vampires as Buffy Summers. IMDB 7.0, RT 5.6, TP 5.8
X-Men (2000) - One of the advantages of writing about mutants is that you do not have to tell an origin story. They are just born that way. This movie shows the first power manifestation of a couple of mutants, then gets to spend the rest of the movie on the story. Marvel has made many movies since this one, but it is still the best. IMDB 7.4, RT 7, TP 9.8
Blade II (2002) - Practically the same movie as the first one as the first one except with Ron Pearlman instead of Stephen Dorff. IMDB 6.6, RT 6, TP 5.6
Spider-Man (2002) - Spider-Man’s origin may be the best story ever told. “With great power, comes great responsibility.” It has been nearly 50 years since Stan Lee wrote that, and it still rings as true as it did then. X-Men has a slight edge here in the rankings due to a higher degree of difficulty. IMDB 7.4, RT 7.6, TP 9.8
Daredevil (2003) - Daredevil is my favorite character, so I wanted this movie to be great. The first few times that I saw it, I liked it. Since then every time that I watch, it gets worse. I had vowed never to watch it again. I like the visualization of his radar sense and love the name dropping of several Daredevil creators, cameo appearances by three of them, and iconic scenes from the book. They changed his dad’s name from Battling Jack to the Devil. It would have made more sense to use the original origin of his name. The neighborhood kids called Matt Daredevil because it was the opposite of his character, much like I was called Wild Man in high school. In the movie he lost his sight running away from his father instead of pushing someone else out of the way of the accident. The most unforgivable thing about the movie is that they made Daredevil a killer. In real life when Matt Murdock loses a court case, Daredevil will go out and find more evidence or catch the guy committing another crime. In this movie Daredevil goes out and kills the criminal. There is a theme running through the movie of Matt trying to convince himself that he is not a bad guy. At the end of the movie he spares Fisk’s life stating that he is not the bad guy, even though five minutes earlier he threw Bullseye out a window. The Director’s Cut of this movie has an additional thirty minutes of footage. It improves the movie, but all of the flaws of the original movie are still there. IMDB 5.4, RT 5.2, TP 4.1
X-Men 2 (2003) - I hold the same grudge against this movie that I do against most of Marvel Comics. It focuses too much on Wolverine. Despite that it is still a really good movie. IMDB 7.7, RT 7.4, TP 9.6
Hulk (2003) - I like Ang Lee’s transitions and use of panels, but the comic book feel of the movie does not mesh well with the darker elements of the plot. The CGI looks goofy in places, though the fight scene with the dogs is a good fight. The fight at the end of the movie doesn’t work, and it leaves a bad aftertaste following a mostly good movie. IMDB 5.7, RT 6.2, TP 6.3
The Punisher (2004) - This is a good shoot’em up movie. The thing that hurts it is that the movie has been made so many times without the Marvel logo at the beginning. The Brave One and Law Abiding Citizen are better versions of this movie. IMDB 6.3, RT 4.5, TP 5.3
Spider-Man 2 (2004) - I have always been very hard on this movie because the love story seems forced to me. But this time, I considered Peter’s complete lack of experience with women as the reason that he could not see that MJ was begging him to want her. So once I got past that, I really enjoyed the movie. IMDB 7.6, RT 8.2, TP 9.3
Blade Trinity (2004) - I have never read Blade other than just his guest appearances in other books, so I don’t know if he is as stiff in real life as he is in the movie. I was glad Ryan Reynolds made his comic book debut as Hannibal King to add some comedy to the movie. I am not familiar with King, but Reynolds gives a pretty good audition for Deadpool. Parker Posey and Triple H make good villains. I do not understand how a character as one dimensional as Blade got three movies and a tv series. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.5, TP 5.2
Elektra (2005) - When it comes to Daredevil’s exes, I prefer Karen, Natasha, and Milla to Elektra. However Elektra and Frank Miller’s story about her are well known and had the potential to be a good movie. But as I mentioned earlier, it was not a good movie. For some unknown reason they decided to make a sequel. She has OCD in the movie. I don’t know why. They use flashbacks to tell what happened between this movie and the last one. But I am sure that anyone unfamiliar with the Hand would not be able to follow it. The parts of the movie that you could follow, were not worth following. IMDB 4.8, RT 3.7, TP 3.2
Man-Thing (2005) - This was released as a Syfy original movie. That pretty well sums up the movie. The most disappointing part is that the Man-Thing has less than five minutes screen time. IMDB 4.1, RT 3.6, TP 2.2
Fantastic Four (2005) - This was better than I remembered. The first thing that comes to mind when this movie is mentioned is the pointless striptease that Alba does. That scene nearly ruins the movie for me. I think that the love triangle was a mistake. Victor von Doom cares nothing about love. He is only interested in power. Other than those things the movie is mostly solid. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.5, TP 6.1
X-Men the Last Stand (2006) - Jean died at the end of the last movie, so this one had to be about Phoenix. Being replaced by a cosmic entity probably would not have worked in a movie. Instead they give her a split personality, that has been held prisoner by Xavier for all these years. Her first act after resurrection is to kill Scott. Scott and Jean’s love for each other is what defeated the Dark Phoenix in the comics. Killing Scott eliminates that threat. Of course this is not explained in the movie. The other reason for that is to make Wolverine the central character in the movie. She then kills Xavier for revenge, but also because has the power to recage her. For the rest of the movie she does nothing but stand behind Magneto until after he is defeated. Then she destroys everything in the vicinity, for no apparent reason. Wolverine stabs her in the stomach, and she dies instantly. Bryan Singer may have had a better story than this in mind when he killed Jean in the last movie, but instead he made Superman Returns, which is even worse than this movie. The mutant cure is always a good story, and that part worked well. IMDB 6.9, RT 5.9, TP 3.6
Ghost Rider (2007) - Ghost Rider and his motorcycle looked good. The caretaker and his horse look even better. The story and acting are just ok. This movie suffers because Johnny Blaze, like Blade and Frank Castle, are not interesting characters. The reason that Spider-Man and Iron Man are good movies is because Peter Parker and Tony Stark are better characters than Spider-Man and Iron Man. IMDB 5.2, RT 4.3, TP 4.8
Spider-Man 3 (2007) - It was obvious that Rammi knew that this would be his last movie, because he tried to cram every idea he has ever had into the movie. The fight scenes and CGI are some of Marvel’s best. It is a shame that the story was so bad. I mostly liked the Harry story. He forgives Peter when he learns that Norman’s injuries were caused by his own weapon, even though Harry has a huge scare on his face from Peter using his own weapon against him. The Brock portion of the Venom story was good, but the all the goofing and dancing while under the symbiote’s influence was terrible. Rammi thought that the audience was too stupid to tell when this was happening, so he gave Peter emo hair in those scenes. Why did Dunst sing three songs in the movie? She is not a bad singer, but not good either. Rammi changed what I earlier referred to as the best story ever told. His reason was to fill Parker with enough rage to fuel the symbiote. That was a huge mistake. IMDB 6.4, RT 6.2, TP 2.9
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) - In the first movie Sue’s powers flicked off to show her in her underwear. So it is no surprise that when she and Johnny swap powers, they use that as a excuse to burn off all of her clothes. It did not show any nudity, but that is beside the point. In both movies, the only way they can think of to use Reed’s powers is to make him look like a goof. Apparently they don’t know the difference between a nerd and a dork. The Surfer was ok, but how could they waste a chance to put Galactus on screen? The movie ends with Silver Surfer fighting a cloud just like Hulk did in his movie. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.8, TP 5.5
Iron Man (2008) - The only criticism that I can think of is that I think Tony should start off as more of a jerk. The problem is that even when Downey acts arrogant it still comes off as charming. Iron Man’s greatest weakness is the lameness of his rogues gallery. Most of his villains are rival businessmen who hire mercenaries to attack Stark. The one exception being the Mandarin, who I expect to see in the third movie if the franchise continues. IMDB 7.9, RT 7.6, TP 9.3
Incredible Hulk (2008) - Marvel recast this from the original. I like Bana, but Norton is an upgrade. William Hurt is a step down from Sam Elliott. Liv Tyler is not even in the same league as Jennifer Connelly. I liked the Hulk’s darker skin tones and the fight with Abomination was great. I am not a fan of Hulk’s origin being tied to the super soldier program. If that happened in the first movie, I would be ok with it. Changing it from one movie to the next is an insult to the first movie. IMDB 7.0, RT 6.1, TP 9.5
Punisher: War Zone (2008) - They skipped the origin in this movie and just had a brief flashback summary of it. That left more time for killing folks. Jigsaw was very Tim Burton Joker, and seemed a little out of place with the rest of the movie. IMDB 6.1, RT 4.3, TP 5.4
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) - Hugh Jackman does a really good job as Wolverine in all the movies. It would be better if was 5’ 3” and more muscular, but that body does not exist in real life. I was disappointed in Marvel when they made the comic that revealed Wolverine’s origin. My disappointment was not in the story, but that the story was told. I liked the mystery of his past. When you make a prequel movie, the story has to end in a way that sets up the movies that we have already seen. They needed Wolverine to forget his past, so they shot him in the head with an adamantium bullet. They even stated in the movie that the brain would heal, but the memories would not. Very convenient. There is of course no explanation for Creed’s memory loss between this movie and the first one. Since Schreiber is not referred to as Sabertooth, and Tyler Mane was never called Creed, they may just be pretending that they are different people. The movie ends with Stryker being taken into custody for killing a general. Yet he is still a top military officer in X-Men 2. I do not understand why they planned a Deadpool movie when he is so loosely based on the character. IMDB 6.7, RT 5.1, TP 4.3
Iron Man 2 (2010) - The first movie made very few mistakes. This movie had higher highs and lower lows. I did not like the drunken Iron Man scene. Tony drinks throughout the movies, but I don’t think he would put on the suit while at a party. Unlike Batman, Stark is comfortable out of costume. I think he would spend his final birthday in a more carnal way rather than a skeet shoot. Demon in a Bottle is a well known story about Tony’s alcoholism, but I think this was a poor attempt at putting it on film. I love Cheadle but would have preferred Howard returning. The new characters in this movie were all fantastic. IMDB 7.1, RT 6.5, TP 9.4
Kick-Ass (2010) - I went to Marvel’s website to make sure that I had all the movies in the right chronological order. Kick-Awesome was not on their list of movies. Granted the book is not set in the Marvel Universe, but I was surprised that they did not claim the movie. I don’t think that a little girl could be that good a fighter regardless of how well trained. IMDB 8, RT 7, TP 8.9
Thor (2011) - I wrote a longer review of this back the first time that I saw it. Normally I would be upset by the complete rewrite of Jane Foster’s character, but I won’t. It was an excuse to see Natalie Portman. Nothing wrong with that. IMDB 7.4, RT 6.7, TP 9.7
X-Men: First Class (2011) - I called this the second best X-movie when I saw it. Having rewatched X2 since then, I have to drop First Class to third. IMDB 8.0, RT 7.4, TP 8.5
Captain America: First Avenger (2011) - I was worried that I might have over-ranked this after one viewing. Now that I've seen it twice, I may have under-ranked it. IMDB 7.5, RT 6.9, TP 9.4
30. Captain America 1.8
29. Man-Thing 2.2
28. Spider-Man 3 2.9
27. Elektra 3.2
26. X-Men: Last Stand 3.6
25. Daredevil 4.1
24. X-Men Origins: Wolverine 4.3
23. Ghost Rider 4.8
22. The Punisher 1989 4.9
21. Blade Trinity 5.2
20. The Punisher 2004 5.3
19. Punisher: War Zone 5.4
18. Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer 5.5
17. Blade II 5.6
16. Blade 5.8
15. Fantastic Four (2005) 6.1
14. Fantastic Four (1994) 6.2
13. Hulk 6.3
12. Howard the Duck 8.0
11. X-Men: First Class 8.5
10. Kick A 8.9
9. Iron Man 9.3
8. Spider-Man 2 9.3
7. Iron Man 2 9.4
6. Captain America: First Avenger 9.4
5. Incredible Hulk 9.5
4. X-Men 2 9.6
3. Thor 9.7
2. Spider-Man 9.8
1. X-Men 9.8
Howard the Duck (1986) - This movie has all the classic 80’s movie clichés, and Lea Thompson is working a horrible or awesome 80’s do. It holds up if for nothing else than the nostalgia factor. Thankfully George Lucas made this in 1986 with a midget in a duck suit instead of Jar Jaring it up now. Also bonus points for a Penske sighting. IMDB 4.1, RT 2.5, TP 8.0
The Punisher (1989) - Typical 80's action movie. Lots of people shoot at and miss one guy while he kills someone with every shot he takes. Then it ends with the classic enemy of my enemy is my friend until I can double cross him. IMDB 5.3, RT 3.6, TP 4.9
Captain America (1990) - This was not released in the US. I didn’t even know that it existed until recently. Lucky for me Syfy showed the movie several times when the new version of the movie came out. It is obvious that this movie is very low budget. It looks like it was made a decade before it was actually made. The story was nearly as bad as the production value. IMDB 2.9, RT 2.8, TP 1.8
Fantastic Four (1994) - This movie was never intended to be released, and it was made only because the studio that owned the rights to make a Fantastic Four movie would lose those rights if it did not begin production by a certain date. Though the budget was small, but the story was better than the movies that followed. If there had been some big time special effects, it might have hidden some of the holes in the story. IMDB 3.8, RT 4.6, TP 6.2
Blade (1998) - Blade hits exactly where it aims. As much blood and violence as you would expect from a vampire movie. Though he is not as good at killing vampires as Buffy Summers. IMDB 7.0, RT 5.6, TP 5.8
X-Men (2000) - One of the advantages of writing about mutants is that you do not have to tell an origin story. They are just born that way. This movie shows the first power manifestation of a couple of mutants, then gets to spend the rest of the movie on the story. Marvel has made many movies since this one, but it is still the best. IMDB 7.4, RT 7, TP 9.8
Blade II (2002) - Practically the same movie as the first one as the first one except with Ron Pearlman instead of Stephen Dorff. IMDB 6.6, RT 6, TP 5.6
Spider-Man (2002) - Spider-Man’s origin may be the best story ever told. “With great power, comes great responsibility.” It has been nearly 50 years since Stan Lee wrote that, and it still rings as true as it did then. X-Men has a slight edge here in the rankings due to a higher degree of difficulty. IMDB 7.4, RT 7.6, TP 9.8
Daredevil (2003) - Daredevil is my favorite character, so I wanted this movie to be great. The first few times that I saw it, I liked it. Since then every time that I watch, it gets worse. I had vowed never to watch it again. I like the visualization of his radar sense and love the name dropping of several Daredevil creators, cameo appearances by three of them, and iconic scenes from the book. They changed his dad’s name from Battling Jack to the Devil. It would have made more sense to use the original origin of his name. The neighborhood kids called Matt Daredevil because it was the opposite of his character, much like I was called Wild Man in high school. In the movie he lost his sight running away from his father instead of pushing someone else out of the way of the accident. The most unforgivable thing about the movie is that they made Daredevil a killer. In real life when Matt Murdock loses a court case, Daredevil will go out and find more evidence or catch the guy committing another crime. In this movie Daredevil goes out and kills the criminal. There is a theme running through the movie of Matt trying to convince himself that he is not a bad guy. At the end of the movie he spares Fisk’s life stating that he is not the bad guy, even though five minutes earlier he threw Bullseye out a window. The Director’s Cut of this movie has an additional thirty minutes of footage. It improves the movie, but all of the flaws of the original movie are still there. IMDB 5.4, RT 5.2, TP 4.1
X-Men 2 (2003) - I hold the same grudge against this movie that I do against most of Marvel Comics. It focuses too much on Wolverine. Despite that it is still a really good movie. IMDB 7.7, RT 7.4, TP 9.6
Hulk (2003) - I like Ang Lee’s transitions and use of panels, but the comic book feel of the movie does not mesh well with the darker elements of the plot. The CGI looks goofy in places, though the fight scene with the dogs is a good fight. The fight at the end of the movie doesn’t work, and it leaves a bad aftertaste following a mostly good movie. IMDB 5.7, RT 6.2, TP 6.3
The Punisher (2004) - This is a good shoot’em up movie. The thing that hurts it is that the movie has been made so many times without the Marvel logo at the beginning. The Brave One and Law Abiding Citizen are better versions of this movie. IMDB 6.3, RT 4.5, TP 5.3
Spider-Man 2 (2004) - I have always been very hard on this movie because the love story seems forced to me. But this time, I considered Peter’s complete lack of experience with women as the reason that he could not see that MJ was begging him to want her. So once I got past that, I really enjoyed the movie. IMDB 7.6, RT 8.2, TP 9.3
Blade Trinity (2004) - I have never read Blade other than just his guest appearances in other books, so I don’t know if he is as stiff in real life as he is in the movie. I was glad Ryan Reynolds made his comic book debut as Hannibal King to add some comedy to the movie. I am not familiar with King, but Reynolds gives a pretty good audition for Deadpool. Parker Posey and Triple H make good villains. I do not understand how a character as one dimensional as Blade got three movies and a tv series. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.5, TP 5.2
Elektra (2005) - When it comes to Daredevil’s exes, I prefer Karen, Natasha, and Milla to Elektra. However Elektra and Frank Miller’s story about her are well known and had the potential to be a good movie. But as I mentioned earlier, it was not a good movie. For some unknown reason they decided to make a sequel. She has OCD in the movie. I don’t know why. They use flashbacks to tell what happened between this movie and the last one. But I am sure that anyone unfamiliar with the Hand would not be able to follow it. The parts of the movie that you could follow, were not worth following. IMDB 4.8, RT 3.7, TP 3.2
Man-Thing (2005) - This was released as a Syfy original movie. That pretty well sums up the movie. The most disappointing part is that the Man-Thing has less than five minutes screen time. IMDB 4.1, RT 3.6, TP 2.2
Fantastic Four (2005) - This was better than I remembered. The first thing that comes to mind when this movie is mentioned is the pointless striptease that Alba does. That scene nearly ruins the movie for me. I think that the love triangle was a mistake. Victor von Doom cares nothing about love. He is only interested in power. Other than those things the movie is mostly solid. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.5, TP 6.1
X-Men the Last Stand (2006) - Jean died at the end of the last movie, so this one had to be about Phoenix. Being replaced by a cosmic entity probably would not have worked in a movie. Instead they give her a split personality, that has been held prisoner by Xavier for all these years. Her first act after resurrection is to kill Scott. Scott and Jean’s love for each other is what defeated the Dark Phoenix in the comics. Killing Scott eliminates that threat. Of course this is not explained in the movie. The other reason for that is to make Wolverine the central character in the movie. She then kills Xavier for revenge, but also because has the power to recage her. For the rest of the movie she does nothing but stand behind Magneto until after he is defeated. Then she destroys everything in the vicinity, for no apparent reason. Wolverine stabs her in the stomach, and she dies instantly. Bryan Singer may have had a better story than this in mind when he killed Jean in the last movie, but instead he made Superman Returns, which is even worse than this movie. The mutant cure is always a good story, and that part worked well. IMDB 6.9, RT 5.9, TP 3.6
Ghost Rider (2007) - Ghost Rider and his motorcycle looked good. The caretaker and his horse look even better. The story and acting are just ok. This movie suffers because Johnny Blaze, like Blade and Frank Castle, are not interesting characters. The reason that Spider-Man and Iron Man are good movies is because Peter Parker and Tony Stark are better characters than Spider-Man and Iron Man. IMDB 5.2, RT 4.3, TP 4.8
Spider-Man 3 (2007) - It was obvious that Rammi knew that this would be his last movie, because he tried to cram every idea he has ever had into the movie. The fight scenes and CGI are some of Marvel’s best. It is a shame that the story was so bad. I mostly liked the Harry story. He forgives Peter when he learns that Norman’s injuries were caused by his own weapon, even though Harry has a huge scare on his face from Peter using his own weapon against him. The Brock portion of the Venom story was good, but the all the goofing and dancing while under the symbiote’s influence was terrible. Rammi thought that the audience was too stupid to tell when this was happening, so he gave Peter emo hair in those scenes. Why did Dunst sing three songs in the movie? She is not a bad singer, but not good either. Rammi changed what I earlier referred to as the best story ever told. His reason was to fill Parker with enough rage to fuel the symbiote. That was a huge mistake. IMDB 6.4, RT 6.2, TP 2.9
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) - In the first movie Sue’s powers flicked off to show her in her underwear. So it is no surprise that when she and Johnny swap powers, they use that as a excuse to burn off all of her clothes. It did not show any nudity, but that is beside the point. In both movies, the only way they can think of to use Reed’s powers is to make him look like a goof. Apparently they don’t know the difference between a nerd and a dork. The Surfer was ok, but how could they waste a chance to put Galactus on screen? The movie ends with Silver Surfer fighting a cloud just like Hulk did in his movie. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.8, TP 5.5
Iron Man (2008) - The only criticism that I can think of is that I think Tony should start off as more of a jerk. The problem is that even when Downey acts arrogant it still comes off as charming. Iron Man’s greatest weakness is the lameness of his rogues gallery. Most of his villains are rival businessmen who hire mercenaries to attack Stark. The one exception being the Mandarin, who I expect to see in the third movie if the franchise continues. IMDB 7.9, RT 7.6, TP 9.3
Incredible Hulk (2008) - Marvel recast this from the original. I like Bana, but Norton is an upgrade. William Hurt is a step down from Sam Elliott. Liv Tyler is not even in the same league as Jennifer Connelly. I liked the Hulk’s darker skin tones and the fight with Abomination was great. I am not a fan of Hulk’s origin being tied to the super soldier program. If that happened in the first movie, I would be ok with it. Changing it from one movie to the next is an insult to the first movie. IMDB 7.0, RT 6.1, TP 9.5
Punisher: War Zone (2008) - They skipped the origin in this movie and just had a brief flashback summary of it. That left more time for killing folks. Jigsaw was very Tim Burton Joker, and seemed a little out of place with the rest of the movie. IMDB 6.1, RT 4.3, TP 5.4
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) - Hugh Jackman does a really good job as Wolverine in all the movies. It would be better if was 5’ 3” and more muscular, but that body does not exist in real life. I was disappointed in Marvel when they made the comic that revealed Wolverine’s origin. My disappointment was not in the story, but that the story was told. I liked the mystery of his past. When you make a prequel movie, the story has to end in a way that sets up the movies that we have already seen. They needed Wolverine to forget his past, so they shot him in the head with an adamantium bullet. They even stated in the movie that the brain would heal, but the memories would not. Very convenient. There is of course no explanation for Creed’s memory loss between this movie and the first one. Since Schreiber is not referred to as Sabertooth, and Tyler Mane was never called Creed, they may just be pretending that they are different people. The movie ends with Stryker being taken into custody for killing a general. Yet he is still a top military officer in X-Men 2. I do not understand why they planned a Deadpool movie when he is so loosely based on the character. IMDB 6.7, RT 5.1, TP 4.3
Iron Man 2 (2010) - The first movie made very few mistakes. This movie had higher highs and lower lows. I did not like the drunken Iron Man scene. Tony drinks throughout the movies, but I don’t think he would put on the suit while at a party. Unlike Batman, Stark is comfortable out of costume. I think he would spend his final birthday in a more carnal way rather than a skeet shoot. Demon in a Bottle is a well known story about Tony’s alcoholism, but I think this was a poor attempt at putting it on film. I love Cheadle but would have preferred Howard returning. The new characters in this movie were all fantastic. IMDB 7.1, RT 6.5, TP 9.4
Kick-Ass (2010) - I went to Marvel’s website to make sure that I had all the movies in the right chronological order. Kick-Awesome was not on their list of movies. Granted the book is not set in the Marvel Universe, but I was surprised that they did not claim the movie. I don’t think that a little girl could be that good a fighter regardless of how well trained. IMDB 8, RT 7, TP 8.9
Thor (2011) - I wrote a longer review of this back the first time that I saw it. Normally I would be upset by the complete rewrite of Jane Foster’s character, but I won’t. It was an excuse to see Natalie Portman. Nothing wrong with that. IMDB 7.4, RT 6.7, TP 9.7
X-Men: First Class (2011) - I called this the second best X-movie when I saw it. Having rewatched X2 since then, I have to drop First Class to third. IMDB 8.0, RT 7.4, TP 8.5
Captain America: First Avenger (2011) - I was worried that I might have over-ranked this after one viewing. Now that I've seen it twice, I may have under-ranked it. IMDB 7.5, RT 6.9, TP 9.4
30. Captain America 1.8
29. Man-Thing 2.2
28. Spider-Man 3 2.9
27. Elektra 3.2
26. X-Men: Last Stand 3.6
25. Daredevil 4.1
24. X-Men Origins: Wolverine 4.3
23. Ghost Rider 4.8
22. The Punisher 1989 4.9
21. Blade Trinity 5.2
20. The Punisher 2004 5.3
19. Punisher: War Zone 5.4
18. Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer 5.5
17. Blade II 5.6
16. Blade 5.8
15. Fantastic Four (2005) 6.1
14. Fantastic Four (1994) 6.2
13. Hulk 6.3
12. Howard the Duck 8.0
11. X-Men: First Class 8.5
10. Kick A 8.9
9. Iron Man 9.3
8. Spider-Man 2 9.3
7. Iron Man 2 9.4
6. Captain America: First Avenger 9.4
5. Incredible Hulk 9.5
4. X-Men 2 9.6
3. Thor 9.7
2. Spider-Man 9.8
1. X-Men 9.8
Friday, August 5, 2011
With Publishing Comes Great Responsibility
The biggest story in the news this week is the casting of a new Spider-Man. It has been covered by Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Brian Davis, and most everyone else in the media. Peter Parker died in the Ultimate Marvel Universe and a multiracial guy has taken his place as Spider-Man. I don't understand why this is getting so much press.
I will explain the Ultimate Universe for those of you unfamiliar with it. Marvel decided that their readers were too lazy to remember all the things that have happened in the past. So they started a line of books that updated all the characters and created a jumping on point for readers who did not care about forty years of character development. I have heard that some of the stories were good, but, being a purist, I have not read any of them.
When Ultimate began, Marvel had the opportunity to make major changes to the characters. As far as I know, only Nick Fury changed races. Mark Millar changed him from white to Samuel L Jackson. Lucky for Marvel, they were able to cast Jackson to play himself in the movies. I applaud Marvel for making this change now, but they should have done it when Ultimate started.
Minorities have for too long been under represented in comic books. In the early years of superhero comics the creators, characters, and readers were all white. Many of those white characters are still around. There are a handful of prominent African and Black characters, but I cant think of any Hispanic characters other than a few very minor ones. WARNING: This video contains strong language and is not recommended for all viewers.
I doubt that I would care about this even if it had happened in the prime Marvel Universe. I quit reading Spider-Man after he made his deal with the Devil. Joe Quesada thought it was too hard writing stories with Peter and MJ married, so he had them trade all memory and evidence of their lives together to save the life of Aunt May. As I mentioned earlier I am a big fan of Marvel history, so I was offended by them erasing their history. I am also a fan of married people staying married and opposed to making deals with the Devil. I won't ever buy Spider-Man comics again. If I want to read about him, I have plenty of back issues.
When I wrote about Johnny Storm's death, I had intended to include the line, "if he is replaced by Wolverine or Spider-Man, I will quit reading Fantastic Four." Lucky for me I forgot to put that line in the final draft, so I did not have to go back on my word. Spider-Man is in that book now plus in both Avengers books. I dropped the Avengers because Wolverine and Spider-Man were on the team, but I am still reading New Avengers and FF. Any time that a character who has his own book appears in a team book, he is just there to lure in more readers. There is no growth or character development, that is saved for his own title. In New Avengers and FF, Spider-Man is just a guy in a mask not the real Peter Parker or the retconed Peter Parker.
That is all the ranting against comic books that I have for now. Hopefully next week I will have a positive post about comics.
I will explain the Ultimate Universe for those of you unfamiliar with it. Marvel decided that their readers were too lazy to remember all the things that have happened in the past. So they started a line of books that updated all the characters and created a jumping on point for readers who did not care about forty years of character development. I have heard that some of the stories were good, but, being a purist, I have not read any of them.
When Ultimate began, Marvel had the opportunity to make major changes to the characters. As far as I know, only Nick Fury changed races. Mark Millar changed him from white to Samuel L Jackson. Lucky for Marvel, they were able to cast Jackson to play himself in the movies. I applaud Marvel for making this change now, but they should have done it when Ultimate started.
Minorities have for too long been under represented in comic books. In the early years of superhero comics the creators, characters, and readers were all white. Many of those white characters are still around. There are a handful of prominent African and Black characters, but I cant think of any Hispanic characters other than a few very minor ones. WARNING: This video contains strong language and is not recommended for all viewers.
I doubt that I would care about this even if it had happened in the prime Marvel Universe. I quit reading Spider-Man after he made his deal with the Devil. Joe Quesada thought it was too hard writing stories with Peter and MJ married, so he had them trade all memory and evidence of their lives together to save the life of Aunt May. As I mentioned earlier I am a big fan of Marvel history, so I was offended by them erasing their history. I am also a fan of married people staying married and opposed to making deals with the Devil. I won't ever buy Spider-Man comics again. If I want to read about him, I have plenty of back issues.
When I wrote about Johnny Storm's death, I had intended to include the line, "if he is replaced by Wolverine or Spider-Man, I will quit reading Fantastic Four." Lucky for me I forgot to put that line in the final draft, so I did not have to go back on my word. Spider-Man is in that book now plus in both Avengers books. I dropped the Avengers because Wolverine and Spider-Man were on the team, but I am still reading New Avengers and FF. Any time that a character who has his own book appears in a team book, he is just there to lure in more readers. There is no growth or character development, that is saved for his own title. In New Avengers and FF, Spider-Man is just a guy in a mask not the real Peter Parker or the retconed Peter Parker.
That is all the ranting against comic books that I have for now. Hopefully next week I will have a positive post about comics.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
A Short Tale
On Monday I had to make that long drive from Clinton to North Rock. I left home at 4:23 with a cold can of Mountain Dew but no snacks. I had Gerard Doyle reading Chris Paolini to me, so the miles were rolling by at a quick pace. I got to West Memphis a little after seven. I decided to stop at the Dairy Queen there, instead of waiting for DQ at Forrest City, 33 miles further down the road. I got my usual, a Flamethrower Burger and a Blizzard. Sometimes I'll get the combo, but I decided that to eat healthy and skip the fries. My large Blizzard had a lid on it when the lady handed it to me. I peaked inside and made sure that the spoon was in the cup. I was back in the car and headed down the road, when I discovered that my spoon was much shorter than my cup.
To a less accomplished ice cream eater this may have been too great a challenge to overcome. However, I have honed my dessert eating skills to the highest degree through years of arduous training. As I neared the bottom of the cup, I realized that DQ's mixer was also too short to perform its required task. The last inch or so of my Blizzard was pure vanilla instead of the chocolatey goodness that the rest of it had been. I did the best I could to stir in the chocolate dregs with my diminutive spoon. Despite those annoyances, I had a dewishus meal.
To a less accomplished ice cream eater this may have been too great a challenge to overcome. However, I have honed my dessert eating skills to the highest degree through years of arduous training. As I neared the bottom of the cup, I realized that DQ's mixer was also too short to perform its required task. The last inch or so of my Blizzard was pure vanilla instead of the chocolatey goodness that the rest of it had been. I did the best I could to stir in the chocolate dregs with my diminutive spoon. Despite those annoyances, I had a dewishus meal.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Flix on the Net
Once upon a time when renting dvds through the mail was in its infancy, I signed up for blockbuster online. The best part of the program was that you got a free in store rental in addition to the ones through the mail. I would usually use these on television box sets. I was definitely getting my money's worth. After a few years they changed their policy to every movie received through the mail could be exchanged for an in store rental. I like that at first, but after a while it became one more errand to run.
This winter I decided to switch from blockbuster to Netflix, because I was tired of driving to the store. Evidently my $12.95 a month was the only thing keeping Blockbuster afloat. Shortly after I cancelled my subscription, they closed down the Blockbuster nearest my house.
My plan was to take a break from movies for awhile then switch over to Netflix. I enjoyed not having to schedule my life around when a movie would arrive in the mail, so I continued putting off signing up for Netflix. Rewatching Angel this summer has kept me content and not missing movies at all. I am over half way through and loving it as much as always.
Around the middle of June, I thought of a great blog post that I needed to write for you. It is not ready yet, but it will be soon. For this post to reach its full potential, I needed access to some movies that I don't own. I finally signed up for Netflix and got their first month free trial. Before my trial month was even over, they changed their prices on me. It went from $9.99 for everything to $7.99 for dvds and $7.99 for streaming on the ps3.
During that first month, the only movie that I had downloaded was God in America. It was also available to watch at pbs or at church if I had attended with any regularity this summer. So I considered dropping the streaming portion of my plan, but then I watched The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes. It came highly recommended by Ring of the Other Hand and his father, so I gave it a try. I watched 14 episodes in one weekend and knew that I had to keep streaming. Episodes last only 22 minutes, so I can watch several in a row or any time that I have a little time to spare. After the Avengers I can watch Futurama, Family Guy, and cartoons from my childhood.
The only drawback is that this may become a stumbling block to my desires to read and write. Sometimes I do not have the self discipline to turn off the television. Hopefully I will be able to find the balance.
This winter I decided to switch from blockbuster to Netflix, because I was tired of driving to the store. Evidently my $12.95 a month was the only thing keeping Blockbuster afloat. Shortly after I cancelled my subscription, they closed down the Blockbuster nearest my house.
My plan was to take a break from movies for awhile then switch over to Netflix. I enjoyed not having to schedule my life around when a movie would arrive in the mail, so I continued putting off signing up for Netflix. Rewatching Angel this summer has kept me content and not missing movies at all. I am over half way through and loving it as much as always.
Around the middle of June, I thought of a great blog post that I needed to write for you. It is not ready yet, but it will be soon. For this post to reach its full potential, I needed access to some movies that I don't own. I finally signed up for Netflix and got their first month free trial. Before my trial month was even over, they changed their prices on me. It went from $9.99 for everything to $7.99 for dvds and $7.99 for streaming on the ps3.
During that first month, the only movie that I had downloaded was God in America. It was also available to watch at pbs or at church if I had attended with any regularity this summer. So I considered dropping the streaming portion of my plan, but then I watched The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes. It came highly recommended by Ring of the Other Hand and his father, so I gave it a try. I watched 14 episodes in one weekend and knew that I had to keep streaming. Episodes last only 22 minutes, so I can watch several in a row or any time that I have a little time to spare. After the Avengers I can watch Futurama, Family Guy, and cartoons from my childhood.
The only drawback is that this may become a stumbling block to my desires to read and write. Sometimes I do not have the self discipline to turn off the television. Hopefully I will be able to find the balance.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Back to Routine
I feel out of place when I return to work anytime that I am away for more than my usual two days off a week. Maybe it is because of the intensity of the fluorescent lights that gives the place an unearthly feel or it could just be that I am returning to the outside world from the arms of my family. With my family is the only place in the world that I truly feel I belong, and there is a gaping hole inside of me whenever I leave them. Even though there was great sadness in our latest gathering, their company filled me with joy that cannot be measured, and I count the hours until I can return.
When I finish writing this, I will scrounge something to eat from my nearly empty refrigerator. A far different meal time from the thirteen to fifty people that I, along with my band mates, have been feeding for the past five days. I just watched the Netflix movie that I have had since Wednesday, and next I will tackle my google reader, full nerd inbox, and dvr that have been filling up for a week. The monotony with which I fill my life has resumed. I found a temporary cure for my internet addiction, but it came with much too high a cost.
When I finish writing this, I will scrounge something to eat from my nearly empty refrigerator. A far different meal time from the thirteen to fifty people that I, along with my band mates, have been feeding for the past five days. I just watched the Netflix movie that I have had since Wednesday, and next I will tackle my google reader, full nerd inbox, and dvr that have been filling up for a week. The monotony with which I fill my life has resumed. I found a temporary cure for my internet addiction, but it came with much too high a cost.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Time to Walk the Plank
There comes a time in every baseball season when it becomes obvious that the Cubs are done for the year. This season it happened last Thursday when Carlos Marmol gave up five runs without recording an out, blowing a 2-0 lead. Today the Cubs are 38-58 and 13 games out of first place. Their pitchers are last in the National League in ERA, batting average against, walks, and quality starts. I don't see much chance for improvement. The Cubs have also committed the most errors in the Major League. Unless they can find some way to turn things around, they are ruining their chances of luring Albert Pujols or Prince Fielder to the team next year.
Each year when this happens, I choose a team to root for down the stretch, usually the Not Yankees. This year I choose the Pittsburgh Pirates. They are 49-44 and only half a game out of first place. The Pirates have not had a winning season since 1992, so it would be a nice change to see them keep winning this season. That being said, I will still be rooting for the Cubs to win this year. Even during the seven remaining Pirates vs Cubs games, I will be longing to sing Go Cubs Go.
Each year when this happens, I choose a team to root for down the stretch, usually the Not Yankees. This year I choose the Pittsburgh Pirates. They are 49-44 and only half a game out of first place. The Pirates have not had a winning season since 1992, so it would be a nice change to see them keep winning this season. That being said, I will still be rooting for the Cubs to win this year. Even during the seven remaining Pirates vs Cubs games, I will be longing to sing Go Cubs Go.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Parental Guidance Suggested
Being an adult, or at least of an age that is considered adultish, I do not pay much attention to movie ratings. However, I did notice the PG rating last night when I watched Megamind. Why do they make cartoons that require parental guidance? I read some movie reviews at parent oriented websites that said the reason for the rating was the violence. I have been watching cartoon violence for many, many years and most of that without parental supervision, so I am not the best judge on what is appropriate for children.
There was a line in the movie that I thought was not at all appropriate. The villain in the movie states that the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and the Queen of England are not real. I do not understand why someone would put that in a movie for children. I grew up believing in the existence of two of those three. If I was a parent, I would not want a cartoon suggesting that the mythological characters that my child believes in are not real.
Other than that, I loved the movie. I knew before watching that Will Ferrell was in it. If I had not, I doubt that I would have recognized his voice. The only voice that I could identify was Jonah Hill. I am always surprised at how bad I am at recognizing celebrity voices in cartoons. I have gotten to the point where I don't even try.
There was a line in the movie that I thought was not at all appropriate. The villain in the movie states that the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and the Queen of England are not real. I do not understand why someone would put that in a movie for children. I grew up believing in the existence of two of those three. If I was a parent, I would not want a cartoon suggesting that the mythological characters that my child believes in are not real.
Other than that, I loved the movie. I knew before watching that Will Ferrell was in it. If I had not, I doubt that I would have recognized his voice. The only voice that I could identify was Jonah Hill. I am always surprised at how bad I am at recognizing celebrity voices in cartoons. I have gotten to the point where I don't even try.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Not That There Is Anything Wrong With That
Blogger keeps up with how many people find my website, how they get here, and where they come from. It is not surprising that most of you are from the US. Unfortunately it does not track by state. If it did, I am sure that Arkansas, Kentucky, and Virginia would be top visitors. It is a surprise that I have gotten 96 foreign pageviews. Brazil is in the lead for the bronze medal. I know some missionaries there, so that may be the source of those hits. But I have no idea why Germany is in second place. They were in second even before I wrote about Hitler.
What is more interesting is how people find my site. Actually only one search was interesting. Someone found my blog by searching “is shane of today i was pompous gay.” I cracked up when I read that. There are two possible explanations for this search. Someone who knows me, my website, and how blogger works performed this search so that it would show up in my stats. If this is what happened, well done my friend. I laughed heartily when I read that. Though if you are the same person who searched “shane samples is first class and pompous,” you should have given up on comedy after the first attempt.
The other option is that the searcher really wanted to know the answer to the question. I just skimmed through the history of my blog to see if I could find the answer. The only pictures of me are from the church retreat. They are all action shots so it is hard to tell just how bad I dress. Trust me that anyone who has seen my wardrobe would not have questions about my sexuality. I wrote a love letter to Natalie Portman after seeing Black Swan. That is all the evidence that I could find to prove I am straight. But I found even less evidence for being gay. I promised to write about my love for Joss Whedon, but I have only mentioned him in passing since then. Surprisingly I have not blogged about my man crush on Jon Stewart. The only post that I have found that proves I am gay is the photo of my dining room table. That photo is so close up, that you can’t even tell that it is a nice enough table to be owned by a gay man.
I could not find enough conclusive evidence on my blog to prove one way or the other. I guess you will just have to keep reading to find out the answer.
There is a 7:33 montage from this episode on youtube, but I could not get it to load on here.
What is more interesting is how people find my site. Actually only one search was interesting. Someone found my blog by searching “is shane of today i was pompous gay.” I cracked up when I read that. There are two possible explanations for this search. Someone who knows me, my website, and how blogger works performed this search so that it would show up in my stats. If this is what happened, well done my friend. I laughed heartily when I read that. Though if you are the same person who searched “shane samples is first class and pompous,” you should have given up on comedy after the first attempt.
The other option is that the searcher really wanted to know the answer to the question. I just skimmed through the history of my blog to see if I could find the answer. The only pictures of me are from the church retreat. They are all action shots so it is hard to tell just how bad I dress. Trust me that anyone who has seen my wardrobe would not have questions about my sexuality. I wrote a love letter to Natalie Portman after seeing Black Swan. That is all the evidence that I could find to prove I am straight. But I found even less evidence for being gay. I promised to write about my love for Joss Whedon, but I have only mentioned him in passing since then. Surprisingly I have not blogged about my man crush on Jon Stewart. The only post that I have found that proves I am gay is the photo of my dining room table. That photo is so close up, that you can’t even tell that it is a nice enough table to be owned by a gay man.
I could not find enough conclusive evidence on my blog to prove one way or the other. I guess you will just have to keep reading to find out the answer.
There is a 7:33 montage from this episode on youtube, but I could not get it to load on here.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Four
The next time that I want to write a series of posts remind me of this series and the basketball tournament series. Even though my love for these characters is great, there are only so many ways to say for whom I voted.
In a comment on my last post, Mac did a better job than I can, of explaining why Snape beat Harry this round. Padfoot made an undeserved appearance in the final four. Ron and Hermione round out the quartet. If my vote was the only one that mattered, Hermione and Snape would have been joined by Hagrid and Molly in the final four. Nothing against Molly, but that shows how lopsided the brackets are.
I have voted against Ron and Sirius for the past two rounds. As much as I hate for either to make the championship, I will be voting for Ron. The other match-up is Hermione vs Snape. I think that Snape should win, but I will be voting for Hermione.
In a comment on my last post, Mac did a better job than I can, of explaining why Snape beat Harry this round. Padfoot made an undeserved appearance in the final four. Ron and Hermione round out the quartet. If my vote was the only one that mattered, Hermione and Snape would have been joined by Hagrid and Molly in the final four. Nothing against Molly, but that shows how lopsided the brackets are.
I have voted against Ron and Sirius for the past two rounds. As much as I hate for either to make the championship, I will be voting for Ron. The other match-up is Hermione vs Snape. I think that Snape should win, but I will be voting for Hermione.
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