Friday, January 3, 2014

So Here's What You Missed

I had two weeks worth of Thanksgiving guests. The first week was your typical giving of thanks. Lots of food, some extra coins, and family fun. The second week was Frozen follow ironically by the Icepocalypse. During the Icepocalypse I pig hogged a 1000 piece puzzle.

I was worried that I wouldn't get my moneys worth of Netflix for the month. I didn't plan ahead to get a family friendly dvd so it sat on a shelf for two weeks. I was off work for the first week and not getting enough sleep the second week, I was napping during my lunch break instead of watching sitcoms on my phone, so the streaming half of Netflix was also going to waste. But then the girls discovered the A-Team. We watched the first thirteen episodes before they had to leave.

The girls got to go home on December 9th. My empty nest syndrome combined with my usual Bah Humbugness plus a cold that still hasn't gone away made for a pretty depressing couple weeks. I felt like death the day they left, but finally started my Christmas shopping. I was the worst kind of person when it came to shopping this year. So bad that I considered converting to extrovertism.

The most popular Christmas gift with my family this year was the sickness, and we were very generous. At last count 19 of 34 had the sickness in one form or another. I was sick all day Sunday. I didn't weigh before or after Christmas, but I expect I broke even or lost some instead of gaining the usual Festivus 15. I didn't lose at cards though.

My fantasy football teams had great regular seasons. I finished the season with two #1 and two #2 seeds and one terrible team. Unfortunately 3 of the 4 lost in the opening round of the playoffs. The fourth won the championship.

I can't think of anything else going on lately other than, "There be dragons!"

Friday, November 15, 2013

If I could save time in a bottle

Last night I thought about publishing in the realm of social media the statement, "I need a baby food jar full of time." I wondered how people would react to it. People might think it was some deep philosophic comment on time spent raising babies. Either there wasn't enough time in the day to get it all done or I was too busy with other things to spend as much time with the baby as I wanted. Maybe it was a comment on how fast she is growing up, and how I wanted to stop time and savor the moments.

Turns out that I just misspelled thyme, and pinterest keeps my spices in baby food jars. So much for my poetic words of wisdom. Also I have no idea what thyme tastes like or why it should have gone into my chicken pot pie last night.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Hello, My Name Is

Yesterday on the drive to Beebe the Matthew West song Hello, My Name Is came on the radio. It goes like this.

Hello, my name is regret
I'm pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I'm the whisper inside
That won't let you forget

Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I'll drag you right back down again
'Til you've lost all belief

As I listened I realized that is where I have been living lately. I already knew it, but just had not stated it out loud. Though I didn't actually say it out loud since I wasn't in the car alone. I needed to be reminded of the truth of the rest of the song.

Oh, these are the voices. Oh, these are the lies
And I have believed them for the very last time

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I've been saved, I've been changed, I have been set free
"Amazing Grace" is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King

I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it's true
Just take a look at my life

What love the Father has lavished upon us that we should be called His children

It turns out that I have all my inspirational moments while driving 67/167. Must be because it's the road to Mecca Searcy.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Role Reversal

People seemed to be interested in my sleeping habits, or it may just an easy topic for conversation. Like when Susan used to ask Will a question about his work, then thirty minutes later, he's still talking, and everyone is looking for razor blades or tying their shoe laces in nooses. But I'll take a chance and tell you anyway.

Saturday I slept from midnight to 5:30. I try to get at least six hours and wanted to sleep longer that day, but I couldn't fall back asleep. That's usually enough sleep to get me through, but this day I was exhausted. I was dozing off while watching tv and really wanted to go to bed before 7:30. Eventually I gave up the fight and took a nap. Even the World Series wasn't a good enough draw to keep me awake. Once when I woke up, this conversation happened.

Ellen "You're missing a good game. Too bad you don't like baseball as much as me."

Shane "Too bad you don't like sleep as much as me."

Ellen "I'm gonna tweet that." (I always tell her that I already tweeted things when she tells me not to repeat them. Ellen doesn't tweet.)

Shane "#FreakyFriday" (I didn't actually say hashtag, but this is the Mac version of the story.)

That conversation was enough to wake me up, and I got to see the crazy ending of the ballgame. As I write this out, I realize that it loses quite a bit in the retelling. But I have to post it, cause it's already written and cause people commit suicide during Will's stories.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Drama Drama Drama Anecdote From Work

My last post was more serious than my typical post. So I have been reluctant to follow it up with something frivolous. It's only been five days since that last post, but I wrote it a week before it was published. So it's actually been nearly two weeks since I've written anything, though that's not a personal record. I decided to write today whether I had anything so say or not, and it would have looked much like this paragraph. But then there was Drama at work this morning.

ps. If you're not pronouncing Drama right, you're missing half the fun of this post.

In an effort to protect the innocent, who is me, I will use pseudonyms for the people involved. The incident involved a woman and a man, so I'll call them Traci<3 and Tracii. Actually, that might be too confusing, and I don't have the heart font. I'll just call them she and he.

I was on the dock and heard an argument behind me. As his voice got louder, I turned to watch. They were standing face to face, and her back was toward me. So I could hear his side of the argument but not hers. By face to face I mean they were close enough that I hoped that neither spit when they talked. Only being able to hear one side, I thought that it was a very silly and childish thing to argue about. As I watched, I began to worry about what I should do if he hit her, because he seemed mad enough. Then he abruptly turned and walked away.

I was glad that nothing more happened but was disappointed that I didn't have a better story. Later my supervisor told me that I would have to write a statement of what I saw. I was a bit nervous since I didn't know if I was a witness for the prosecution or the defense, or even what the charge was. I wanted to ask to read their statements before giving mine, so I would have an idea of what to say. Just before I went in to testify someone asked me if she really spit in his face. That at least gave me an idea of the charges, though it didn't change my story any.

Later I saw one of my supervisors putting a guy in a chicken wing or maybe a half nelson. When I accused him of making me witness another fight, he said, "I'm from Gandhiland. I'm nonviolent." I had always assumed that he was from India. Turns out that the other guy's shoulder was dislocated, and he was just trying to help.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Changing the world since 1999

The other day I was invited to a party. I immediately got my dear in the headlights look. As in, "Dear God please get me out of this!" Thankfully my prayer was answered when Ellen said that I would be in Kentuck today. You may not know this about me, but parties are my nemesis. I hate all parties whether they are Halloween, Christmas, or political. You might argue that I am gladly partying today, but there are two different kinds of birthday parties. My family often gets together for a meal and dessert and some times there are dames. The only difference today is that there are presents. I like that kind of birthday party. But when the birthday is elsewhere and with other people, that's when my social anxiety flares up. For not the first time, Katelyn saved my life today.

I say not the first time because she did it fourteen years also. She was born during a difficult time in my life. I already had my prodigal son moment and returned to church after being away for several years and was praying for really the first time in my life. But it was the presence of that newborn baby that really motivated me to change my life. I had never paid much attention to babies in the past. It's likely that I had held one before, but I can't guarantee it. I held broken winged baby girl all the time. She knew nothing of the disaster I had made of the first 26 years of my life. I was starting a new relationship with her and realized that I could start anew with myself as well. After meeting her, I forgave myself and others (not sure which was harder) for all the sins in my past. Saying that she saved my soul is blasphemous, but it's not far from the truth.

All that in just the first few months of her life. She is even more precioum now. Happy birthday Katelyo.

Friday, October 11, 2013

How many licks?

It was 10 or 11 days ago when I pinched my finger tip at work and gave myself a blood blister. Since then every time that I glance at my hand, I think I've got something on my finger. Now while there are others in the family more famous for picking scabs, I can't abide scabs. So there is a part of me that really wants to cut this blister open. My other half wants to wait and see how long it takes to heal on its own. I have never been able to make it to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop, so it surprises me that I've resisted picking it for this long. The only thing that has stayed my hand so far is that it will require a tool of some type, and my laziness has trumped my pickingness.