Saturday, April 30, 2011

Dreadfully Busy

Having done this for only a few months, it was no surprise to me that blogging was one of the first things to fall by the wayside when my life got busy.  Last week after Grams broke her hip, I spent most of my free time at the hospital.  I don't think I was much help there, but I did bring a thermos full of g3 coffee every day, which counts for something.  I also made sure that no one had to miss a meal or eat alone.

Thankfully the hospital did have wireless internet, but I did not have any inspiration or even desire to write anything while there.  The daily drive from North Rock to Searcy would have been really hard for me if i had not been traveling with Jim Dale and angry Harry.  I spent more time that week in the car than I spent awake at my house.

All of the things that needed dong at home got pushed back to this week.  Some of those things will be future posts, so I will not go into them now.  But this example should let you know how busy I have been this week.  My ps3 has only been turned on twice in the past two weeks.  A far cry from the almost daily use that it usually gets.  Of course busyness is relative.  Some of my too busy to write was me cleaning off the dvr.  I am getting ready to spend my third weekend in a row in White County, but after that, I hope to have time to write again.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Twas the Night Before Today

Twas the night before today, when all through the house
Not a Kreacher was stirring, my laptop has no mouse.
I was on the couch nestled for sleep,
While the Oke City Thunder went for the sweep.

I woke for two phone calls and my alarm,
But thrice returned to sleep without any harm.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sofa to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like the Flash,
And peaked through the mini blinds to see what went “Smash.”
I could not see much in weather so dreary,
But what I saw made me quite weary.

A truck was trying to flee the scene quick,
But his tires could not get traction cause the road was so slick.
He drove down the street spinning and sliding,
I put on my shoes and came out of hiding.

Neighbors who witnessed came outside too,
With a flashlight to shine on the work I must do.
My mailbox was lying flat on its back.
It was the victim of this drive by attack.


I stood it back up in the soft ground,
It is now vertical, but not very sound.
The mailbox is dented and covered in mud,
It will be washed off by today’s oncoming flood.


The yutes got away but left tire tracks,
Cousin Vinny could look at them and know all the facts.
I reported the crime on the Book of Face,
And got a confession from my friend mmlace.


I will replant my mailbox in a couple of day,
With my digging skills, I doubt it will stay.
I was heard to exclaim as I finished this blog,
“It is about time that I wrote something funny again!”

Friday, April 15, 2011

Life, the Universe, and Everything



Moses Fleetwood Walker was a catcher for the Toledo Blue Stockings in 1884.  He was the first black man in the major leagues.  After the Toledo team folded, Walker played for a few other teams in the following years always having to endure opposing players refusing to play against a black man and even his own pitchers refusing to throw pitches called by a black catcher.  In 1889 the American Association and the National League both unofficially banned African-American players.


In 1942 the Brooklyn Dodgers hired Branch Rickey as president and general manager.  When Rickey was manager at Ohio Wesleyan University, his best player, a black man, was refused a hotel room because of his race.  That memory haunted Rickey, and he now had the opportunity to change things.  Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis, a staunch segregationist, died in 1944.  His replacement was Albert Benjamin “Happy” Chandler, former Governor and Senator from Kentucky.  Chandler had this to say about segregation.

"I've already done a lot of thinking about this whole racial situation in our country. As a member of the Senate Military Affairs Committee, I got to know a lot about our casualties during the war. Plenty of Negro boys were willing to go out and fight and die for this country. Is it right when they came back to tell them they can't play the national pastime? You know, Branch, I'm going to have to meet my Maker some day. And if He asks me why I didn't let this boy play, and I say it's because he's black, that might not be a satisfactory answer. If the Lord made some people black, and some white, and some red or yellow, he must have had a pretty good reason. It isn't my job to decide which colors can play big league baseball. It is my job to see that the game is fairly played and that everybody has an equal chance. I think if I do that, I can face my Maker with a clear conscience."



Jack Roosevelt Robinson was a four sport star at UCLA.  He lettered in football, basketball, baseball, and track.  His worst sport was baseball.  He won the NCAA long jump title in 1940.  He started playing professional football in 1941, but his brief career was ended by WWII.  In 1944 while serving in the army, Robinson refused to go to the back of the bus.  He faced a court martial for his insubordination.  He was acquitted and received an honorable discharge later that year.

In 1945 Jackie played baseball for the Kansas City Monarchs of the Negro League.  After that season Branch Rickey signed Robinson for the Dodgers and assigned him to their top farm team the Montreal Royals.  He hoped that racial antagonism would be less playing in Canada.  Jackie won the International League MVP and lead Montreal to the league title.


On April 15, 1947 Jackie Robinson became the first African American to play in the major leagues in nearly sixty years.  Rickey made Robinson promise not to retaliate to the racism he faced on and off the field for three years.  His on field performance earned him the inaugural Rookie of the Year Award.  He was a six time all-star and won the National League MVP in 1949.  In his ten year Major League career he led Brooklyn to the World Series six times, all against the New York Yankees.  Unfortunately the Dodgers were only able to win one in 1955.  He retired in 1957 because of declining health due to diabetes.  After baseball, he continued to be a leader in the civil rights movement.


Jackie was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1962, his first year of eligibility.  In 1987 the Rookie of the Year Award was renamed the Jackie Robinson Award.  On April 15, 1997, the fifty year anniversary of Robinson breaking the color barrier, Major League Baseball retired Jackie’s jersey number 42 for all teams.  Since 2007 players have been allowed to wear 42 on April 15.  If you watch SportsCenter tonight, every player, coach, and umpire you see will be wearing 42.

Douglas Adams is both British and an atheist.  Neither of those are likely to be baseball fans.  The British prefer cricket and soccer, and it is impossible see the beauty and perfection that is baseball and not believe in God.  However he was right when he wrote that the answer to the ultimate question is 42.  In a sport where numbers are so important, DiMaggio’s 56, Ryan‘s 5714, Rose’s 4256, Aaron’s 755 (I have not yet learned 762), Robinson’s 42 is the most important.


I would like to thank my friends at wikipedia and the incomparable Ken Burns for their help with this post.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Casa de POMPOSO

I have one rule when it comes to eating at Mexican restaurants.  The food has to be prepared and served by illegals.  I walk in and ask to see green cards.  If the employees have them, I walk out.  (EDITORS NOTE: We have been using this joke for so long, that I don’t remember who wrote it.  I think Ellen wrote the first half and I wrote the second half, but I could be wrong.)  Today I skipped the restaurant and cooked Mexican at home.  But it’s ok, cause I don’t have a green card.


I am disappointed with how this looks in the picture.  That is chicken enchiladas, black beans, and rice.  It tasted and looked better in real life.


I Win… Again

The NBA season ended yesterday, which more importantly means that the NBA fantasy season ended as well.  My two teams finished in first and fourth place.  I have now won five of the eleven NBA leagues that I have played over the last ten years.  My worst finish in a league is fifth place.  Even though, or maybe because, I do not watch much many NBA games each season, the NBA is my best fantasy sport.  I have not watched an entire game all season.  I do watch lots of college games, and being from Kentucky kinda makes me a basketball expert.  Here are the rules that help me win.

1. Do not chase centers on draft day.  There is a shortage of  good centers, and there will be a run on them in the draft.  Wait for cheap centers at the end of the draft.
2. Because you are waiting on centers, draft forwards who block shots.
3. Only acquire players who help in at least one of the more rare stat categories, blocks, steals, and three pointers.
4. Avoid players who kill your percentage categories.  A big reason for my fourth place finish was Jason Kidd’s 35.8% field goal percentage.
5. Do not get too attached to your players.  I led both of my leagues in transactions.  I made nearly a quarter of the moves in one and over a third in the other.
6. As Barty Crouch Jr. would say, “Constant vigilance!”  The real Alastor Moody might say it also, but I just started rereading Order and he is not in it yet..

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Former Hundred Thousandaire

If you have read my recent posts, it will come as a great surprise to you that once upon a time I accurately predicted the outcome of sporting events.  ESPN awards a cash prize each month to whoever can build the longest streak of correct predictions.  Last April I had a twenty-five game winning streak which was long enough to win the $100,000 prize.

Whenever someone hears about my winnings, they always ask what I bought or how well I invested it.  Others, who have known about it since it happened, will talk to me like I still have stacks of cash lying around.  The truth is that most of the money is gone.

I had not yet received my money when I left North Rock on vacation.  When I got to Lexington, my brother Joshua  presented me with a giant check that he made.  After that, I checked my bank account and the money had been direct deposited.  That night I fed our family of nine at Red Robin.  We traveled on to Fairfax the next day, and the party grew from nine to thirteen.  Thanks to my cat like reflexes I was able to grab the check at both Macaroni Grill and The Cheesecake Factory.  Unfortunately my poor choice of seats at Cheeburger Cheeburger and The Silver Diner put me too far from the waitress to get those checks.  Still those three meals used up the first $525 of my winnings.


I had decided before April was over that if I won the money, I would give half of it away.  When I got home from vacation, I made a list of likely recipients.  Of course, God got his cut first.  My denomination does not enforce tithing, but I believe that ten percent is a good place to start.  I will not list all of the charities that I donated to, but a couple of my favorite are Riley's Warriors and City Connections.  I also shared the wealth with my family.  I felt like Oprah, passing money out to everyone.

The IRS wanted their share also and were not willing to wait until April 15 to get it.  I had to estimate how much I thought that I would owe and sent it to them.  Even though I may be the least patriotic person you know, I like paying taxes.  I am completely spoiled by the freedoms and prosperity that are available living in this country, so I gladly handed over $31,000 to pay for them.

I did make one big purchase for myself, and that was a new central heat and air unit.  Nearly every year that I have lived in my house either the heat or air or both have broken down.  The unit cost $8,800, but I got a energy efficient tax credit of $1,500.  Yes I did just claim that I like paying taxes and then made sure that I paid as little as possible.  I never claimed to be consistent.



I paid an extra $10,000 on my home loan.  That leaves me with around $8,000 left.  It is hard to believe both that I spent that much in a year and that it was not any harder to spend.

One time I made a joke on facebook about spending my money on astroturf.  Afterward I heard that some people thought that the status was me bragging about the money.  That added to Matthew 6:3, "do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing," made me reticent to post this.  However I thought some of you might be curious about how I spent the money, so I posted this anyway.  Since most of the money is gone, that means that it is time for me to win again.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

When all else fails, read the directions

Sunday night my internet stopped working.  I turned on the tv to see if the cable was still on.  It was,
which made me believe that the internet problem was in the house and not a Comcast problem.  I unplugged and replugged the modem and router.  That did not fix the problem.  For the next day and a half, I periodically repeated this process.  When I got home from work Tuesday morning, I resolved that I would break down and call Comcast if I could not get it fixed on my own.  Since I do not know if the problem is with the modem or the router, I decided to plug the modem into the laptop to see if it would work.  After some searching, I found the modem instructions.  On Monday I plugged the modem straight into the laptop with no results, but now that I tried it again according to the directions, it worked.  At that point I read the rest of the directions.  So I hooked it back up to the router correctly and once again had wireless internet at my house.

Monday is a really bad day for my internet to be out.  I am home and awake for most of the day.  Even though I was able to perform most of my daily internet activities on my iPhone, I still moped around the house all day like I had lost my best friend.  Apparently my internet addictions are stronger than I realized.  I do not know if there is a cure for internet addiction.  The first step is likely a desire to cut back on internet usage, which I do not have.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

April Angriness (doesn't have the same ring to it)

For the second year in a row, I failed to get a team to the final four.  Losing these next three games, drops my record to 32-31.  That ties with my 1999 bracket for worst ever.  Yes, I am that big a nerd that I still have all of my brackets since 1993.  Once upon a time, 2001, my bracket went 53-10, but that seems like a long time ago.

Kentucky lost eight games this season.  Tonight's game against UConn will be UK's seventh rematch.  If Arkansas had made it to the SEC title game, Kentucky would have had a chance to avenge all eight losses.  So far, the Cats have won all six rematches, or all seven if you count that they beat Florida twice after losing the first game.  I expect Kentucky to continue that streak by beating UConn.

Tonight for the sixth time in this tournament I am picking against VCU.  I have cheered for them most of those games, and they keep surprising me by winning.  I am picking Butler to beat VCU tonight and then on a last second shot beat Kentucky on Monday.

I heard somewhere that every year the Wildcats win the national title that the Yankees also win the World Series.  I do not believe that New York has enough talent to win the series this year, so that was my reason for picking against Kentucky.  But while writing this, I checked the record and found out that I had been misinformed.  UK's first title in 1948 was followed by a Cleveland Indians World Series title.  Now I am stuck making my prediction based on the current teams instead of history.

I am still picking Butler to win the title, just because I already had my mind made up to pick against the Cats.  I have not decided yet which team I will cheer for to win, but I know it will not be UConn.  I will be happy if any of the other three win.  VCU would be the lowest seeded team to win the title, and I am a big fan of the underdog.  I usually cheer for the smaller conferences against the six power conferences.  Butler and VCU both fall into that category.

The history of my on and off relationship with the Cats is too long for this post, and I have never liked John Calipari.  When he was hired at UK, I was not sure if I could cheer from them, but last year DeMarcus Cousins won me over to the team.  I will probably end up cheering for Kentucky just because I am a big fan of the Big Blue cheering section on Windy Hill.

Looking forward to the weekend!

I would have posted this yesterday, but I thought that it might be an April's Fool.  Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon have had a bit going on their shows that culminated in Stephen covering Rebecca Black's Friday.


I usually avoid Fallon whenever possible.  An important part of acting is not laughing at your own jokes, especially if you are on a live show.  This is something that Fallon can not do.  But this is a good performance, none the less.