Seven Year Itch

I have lived in this house for over seven years.  I doesn't seem like it has been that long, but it has been long enough that I have replaced the water line, the air conditioner and heater, the garage door and opener, the garbage disposer, and the kitchen sink.  I have even painted a couple of rooms.  After seven years of hating the shrubs lining the front of my house, I finally put them out of my misery.

I had Saturday off work to celebrate Veteran's Day.  So after a shorter than usual sleep on Friday, I grabbed my shovel, hatchet, and saw and declared war on the plant life on my property.  I started the battle in the backyard.  Through laziness and negligence, I had allow trees to grow under, over and through the chain link fence that guards the borders of my kingdom.  I didn't think to take a before picture of the fence line before starting, so an after picture now would not adequately convey the changes to the landscape.  I'll just say that nearly every plant near the fence and taller than six inches has been removed.

After the unconditional surrender in the west, I took my engines of war to the front yard.  I backtracked Sherman's march, starting in the south and heading north.  I vanquished all of my foes from the corner of the house to the front porch.  There the combined strain from 8 hours at work and 4 hours in the trenches caught up with me.  The remaining shrubs received a stay of execution for the day.  I went inside and died of exhaustation.

Even though I lost my memory when I died of exhaustation, I resumed my war on bushes Saturday.  These remaining shrubs put up more of a fight than their comrades did the previous day.  They were dug in deep between the wall and the sidewalk.  There was less maneuverability fighting in those close quarters, but at last I was able to prevail.  Then it was time to drag all the slain bodies of my foes to edge of the street where some municipal worker will dispose of the bodies in an environmentally friendly way.  I would have preferred to burn them like the afore mentioned Sherman.  Though I would not trust the lack of water pressure from my garden hose to guarantee my safety.  The pile of debris is one that you couldn't run and jump over.

Because I have spent the last few months on Lusitania, I wondered if these plants were Ramen or Varelse.  I decided they must be Djur, so that I could commit xenocide with a clear conscience.  Yes I realize that probably only Susan gets this reference, but it needed to be included anyway.  Read a book!

Far from Humorous Anecdote from Work

Tuesday morning when I had completed my day's work, I reached up and hit the pause button on my music.  Due to my overwhelming laziness, I never actually turn off my mp3 player.  I just pause it, then 10 minutes later, it turns itself off.  I must have double clicked it that morning because when I turned it on Tuesday night the battery was dead.  It had just enough juice to play half of a song.  For the rest of my shift, I was condemned to silence.  I still had that half a song in my head, so for the next half hour I sang The Humpty Dance.  After I had all the Digital Underground that I could take, I remembered that right before work I told the story of this youtube, first time I heard Call Me Maybe.  Warning that video is as disturbing as it is hilarious.  It did not take long for me to realize my mistake.  While I know most of the words to Humpty Dance, I only know a couple of lines from Call Me Maybe.  Those two songs echoed through my empty skull for a couple of hours until I died of samesongation.  It was the longest 8 hours ever.

Girls, Girls, You're Both Pretty

Last week one of my less rational readers mentioned to me that she preferred the NFL to the MLB because their team logos were prettier.  So it falls to me tho defend the honor of baseball.

Here are some MLB logos that are more than just a boring letter,though some do incorporate letters.  The Brewers MB in the shape of a glove is my favorite logo of all time.

These are the NFL's lame letter logos.  The Browns are so boring that they could even come up with a letter and made their logo the color orange instead.  The Colts just chose a letter at random since neither Indianapolis nor Colts starts with a U.

Obviously choosing your favorite sports league based solely on the image that appears on the hat or helmet is the most irrational decision someone could make.  Baseball is so much better than football in so many ways that I will not insult your intelligence by listing them all here.  My friend clearly knows nothing about sports.

I Am Sooo Tired!

I woke up this afternoon and rolled over to look at the clock.  The usual 2 pm was staring back at me, and I said, "I think we should see other people."  The fact I was awake enough to be this funny indicated that I was too awake to reenter my hibernation.  When I returned to bed after emptying my child-sized bladder (a bladder the size of a child's not the size of a child) with this post already half written in my head, I knew I would be unable to fall back asleep.  As with any good self-fulfilling prophesy, I kept writing this story despite my efforts to turn my mind off and resume my siesta.  After a few short minutes of unfruitful consciousness, I gave slumber up as a bad job and resigned myself to the fact I can rarely sleep more than six hours at a time.

State of Discovery

Last year I linked a State Farm commercial staring Aaron Rodgers.  Here it is again with two sequels included.  State Farm's latest commercial stars Wrigley Field and a couple of former Cubs.  I am a big fan of their non-sports related commercials also.  If I was not so lazy or if changing insurance agencies was less difficult, I would sign up with State Farm based on nothing other than the brilliance of their advertising campaigns.

The words she knows, the tune she hums

The last book I read I chose based on nothing other than the title.  Hold Me Closer, Necromancer is the greatest book title ever.  If you don't recognize the comic genius of this title, it is a play on the Elton John classic Hold Me Closer Tony Danza, that tells the story of a housekeeper striving to establish himself as the boss despite the fact that Alyssa Milano is clearly in charge.  In addition to the great title, each chapter shares its name with a famous song or song lyric.

Next on my reading list is the biography about our sixteenth president and his mission to end slavery and slay the undead.  There is a new documentary out about his life, so I have decided to read the book before seeing the movie.

The Last Airbender

Lately I have been getting my money's worth from my Netflix account.  I started out watching half hour tv shows on my phone during my lunch break at work.  That was probably the best decision I have made all year.  I discovered some great television shows doing this.  The best of them being Avatar: The Last Airbender.  It is one of the five best shows of all time, not just cartoons, but of all television.  If you have access to Netflix and have not watched this show, you are wasting your life.  For those of you unfamiliar with the story here's an introduction.

You're So Wicked

Editor's Note: You should have read the title in Pointer's "You're so naughty" voice.

Once upon a time, there was this great Broadway musical called Wicked.  Maybe you've heard of it.  It told the story of a young girl and the difficulties she faced because of her unusual skin tone.  Unfortunately, I have only seen it once, but I have listened to the soundtrack many, many times.  You can imagine my delight when I learned Gregory Maguire had written a book based on the play called Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West.  I finished reading it yesterday and am not sure how I feel about it.  The book has a much darker tone than the original version.  There were many scenes and details add to the story to make it into book length, which for the most part I enjoyed.  However I thought some of the changes made to the story were unnecessary.  This was one of those rare occasions where the performance surpasses the written word.

Wicked was such a success both on stage and in print that L Frank Baum wrote a sequel to Wicked which tells the story from the point of view of one of the minor characters from the book.  He called his book The Wonderful Wizard of Oz even though the story is told, not from the wizard's perspective, but from that of a young girl who does not even appear in Wicked until nearly the end of the book.  I have not read this book, so I can't personally recommend it, though I hear it is good.

Since Hollywood is incapable of coming up with story ideas on their own, Baum's book was made into a movie.  I was disappointed that Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth were not recast in the roles they made famous.  It must be because their parts were so much smaller in the movie version, and they refused to play supporting characters.  Instead Mabel King and Lena Horne took up their parts and joined the star studded cast that included Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, Nipsey Russell, and Richard Pryor.  The Wiz was later remade as The Wizard of Oz with an all cracker cast led by Judy Garland.

While researching this post, to make sure I had all of my facts straight, I learned that Maguire wrote three more books set in Oz.  I just might have to read them also.

Great Week or Greatest Week

The week began on Saturday with a birthday party for my cousin who turns fourteen in four days.  I had a wonderful time and good food with the Arkansas half of my family.

On Sunday I got to hear three lessons at church from guest speaker Patrick Mead.  Also a long lost friend made a surprise return to Little Rock.

Monday I had a front row seat at Dickey Stephens Park for the 11 am game.  The Travs won 6-3 despite only getting six hits.  That night I was back at PV for another dose of Patrick Mead.

I can't remember anything that happened on Tuesday.  It must have been a lovely lazy day.  That may have been the day that I completed the last of the major story lines of Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion.  Time spent playing Oblivion has been a major contributor to the demise of this blog.

I returned to PV on Wednesday for Patrick Mead's finale.

Thursday I successfully talked myself out of mowing the yard and traveled to Clinton.

On Friday I hitched a ride to Lexington, that included a stop at the Dairy Queen.  In addition to the usual family fun, I watched the first of two little league baseball games.

Saturday started with donuts and then another trip to the baseball park.  Later there was a double birthday party, but alas no presents for me.

After church on Sunday the chocolate fountain at Golden Corral filled me to bursting with some help from the rest of the buffet.  Then I went to the pool and swam off a small portion of that feast.

I spent nine hours in the car on Monday, a small price to pay for all that came before it.  The DQ was again one of our stops.

The week wasn't perfect.  I did work three days last week, but a three day work week is an improvement from the norm.  I am slightly sunburned, but considering how much more time I spent in the sun than I usually do, it could have been much worse.

You may have noticed that this week lasted ten days.  There was just too much to cram into the usual seven days, so the week had to be extended.

A Tale of Two Movies

It was the best of times.  It was the hard to evaluate following the spectacular best of times that proceeded it.  I guess Dickens won't be able to help me write this.

On any other day I may have loved Blue Like Jazz.  I helped make it after all.  I was an associate producer on the movie.  By that I mean, I donated money to help get this publicly financed movie made.  As compensation for my donation, I received a t-shirt, a coffee mug, and a phone call from the director.  I also got my name in the credits.  A smarter man would have moved closer to the scene before taking this blurry photo.  The photo of Ellen's name is even blurrier.

I am having difficulty deciding how much I liked BLJ after watching Avengers just a couple of hours before it.  If BLJ had been the second best movie ever made, I would still be unsure of my feelings about it.  The gap is that wide between The Avengers and every other movie ever made.

Last year I rewatched all the Marvel made movies and rated them on a scale from one to ten (it has since been updated to include the original Fantastic Four and Punisher movies).  My favorite was X-Men with a 9.8 rating.  On that 1-10 scale Avengers gets a 42.  There are not enough superlatives in my vocabulary to describe this Joss Whedon masterpiece.

I realize that I have a reputation for exaggeration, but saying Avengers is the best thing ever put on film is an understatement.  At one point during the movie I thought, "This is the greatest moment of my life."  I cried twice during Avengers, once because it was sad and once because it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  It will take every ounce of willpower that I possess to not go see this movie again tomorrow, and the next day, and every other day for the rest of my life.

World Traveler

This morning at work I bumped into an old friend.  Flat Stanley was travelling from Centerton AR to Johnstown PA with a layover in Little Rock.  We had a nice visit and caught up on old times.  It was a mostly one sided conversation since the package he was in, while not sound proof, muffled his voice too much for someone with my hearing deficiencies to understand.  He wanted me to tell all of you hello and that he misses us and all the good times that we had together.

Imaginary Anecdote from Work

As the only person working at two different locations, I am in the unique position to keep my fellow employees informed about their coworkers whom they no longer get to see on a daily basis.  Of course, depending on me for gossip and rumors is like depending on the Cubs for World Series victories.  I am no longer eligible to win the award for the Least Informed Person in the Universe.  A few years ago the name of the trophy was changed to the Shane Samples Is Completely Oblivious Award in honor of my winning it every year of my adult life.  Now I just present the trophy at the awards ceremony, but don't ask me who's going to win this year.  I don't have a clue. In case you are wondering, Gully McGulibleson, unlike International Postal Worker of the Year, this award is not at all fictitious.

As soon as I got to the annex Wednesday night, a coworker asked me about the fight at the plant.  When he saw the blank look on my face, he remembered that I had not been there yet.  It turns out that there had been a skirmish at work that night.  There had been a meeting at the annex about it, but no names were mentioned.  One of my favorite things about my dual location work schedule is that I have not had to attend any meeting since before Labor Day.  Knowing that someone else might ask me about the fight, I began to craft a story about what might have happened.

You would appreciate this story more if you knew the subjects, so I will describe them for you as best I can.  Since I don't want to be accused of libel, I will change the names of the combatants.  In one corner is Wandog.  She is one of the most sour people I have ever met.  She doesn't actually have any real authority, but her job requires her to sometimes make announcements over the intercom which gives her an over inflated opinion of her importance.  In the other corner is Michael.  He is one of those people who thinks he is funnier than he actually is.  Because you only hear his funny stories, you also think he is funnier than he actually is.  He loves to play practical jokes on people especially if he gets a chance to lie in the process.  So imagine a fight between a man in his early farties against a woman in her mid fifties.  I didn't write the entire scene, just the ending.

When everyone finally stopped laughing long enough to pull Wandog off of Michael, he was lying in a puddle of his own blood and urine, crying and begging for mercy.

The only problem with this story was the lack of motive.  I was worried that this tale might not be believable, so I came up with an alternative.  Michael, a rabid Dallas Cowboy fan, was arguing with Tina, a die hard Pittsburgh Steeler fan, about which team had tougher fans.  One thing lead to another and then...

When everyone finally stopped laughing long enough to pull Tina off of Michael, he was lying in a puddle of his own blood and urine, crying and begging for mercy.  Proving once and for all, that all Cowboy fans are sissies.

I tried to come up with other scenarios, but I had nothing else as good as those.  Unfortunately no one asked me about the fight, so I did all that creative thinking for nothing, other than, my own entertainment.  So it turned out to be a very productive night of work.  Just in case you were wondering, I found out this morning that the fight was between opposing candidates for the upcoming union elections.

ps. On a completely unrelated note, the next time you see me thirty feet up in a tree, remind me that I have a camera in my pocket.

Career Advice

You should invent a time machine.  It would take quite a bit of science to accomplish this, so the less rational of my readers should disregard this advice.  After you build your time machine, you will have innumerable opportunities for both pleasure and profit.  I only ask one small favor in return for this advice.  Go back in time to last night any time between 10:30 and midnight.  When you hear me say, "I'm going to stay up a bit longer cause i'm not very sleepy," just go ahead and punch me in the face.

Dream Job

Last weekend the Source of All Questions asked me what my ideal work schedule would be. Naturally my immediate response was 11:30 - 1:00 every other Thursday. He then added the stipulation that, unlike him, I had to work a full schedule. I mentioned the 7 am to 3:30 pm that is available at my current job, which would be a nice alternative to my current shift. As is often the case, the conversation moved on in another direction before I could put much more thought into it. Since then I have come up with some shifts that I like better.

Option 1 - Working 40 hours straight. Tuesday 7am - Wednesday 11 pm. It would actually need to be later than 11:00 to make time for lunch or nap breaks. The advantage of this shift is getting work over with all at once and creating a very long weekend. The drawback is lack of sleep and exhaustion, if the work is difficult. I don't believe I could do my current job for farty hours straight.

Option 2 - 2 twenty hour days. Tuesday 7 am - Wednesday 3:30, Wednesday 9:30 am - Thursday 6 am. This is very similar to option 1, but with a six hour break in the middle of it. This would be less tiring but it would still take all day Thursday to recover from work.

Option 3 - 3 days schedule. Tuesday 7 am - 9 pm, Wednesday 7 am - 9 pm, Thursday 7 am - 8:30 pm. I have worked twelve hour shifts before, so I am sure I could handle 13.5 hour shifts. This would cut me back to a four day weekend, but allow for a normal sleeping pattern.

Option 4 - 4 ten hour shifts. 7 am - 5:30 pm Monday through Thursday. I had this job back in 1994 and is the only one of these options that could actually exist in the real world.

After much deliberation, I chose option 3. Now I just need to find an employer who will pay me to work that shift.

Go Cubs Go

My favorite football team, the Green Bay Packers, went 15-2 last season.  They had one loss in the regular season and one in the post season.  My favorite basketball team, the Murray State Racers, just ended a 31-2 season.  They lost one game in the regular season and one in the postseason.  So when that trend continues, the Chicago Cubs will put up a 172-2 record.  Even if the Cubs weren't going to be terrible this year, that would be a difficult record to achieve.  The Playstation version of the Cubs can't even win with that much regularity.  Though last year they did have an 11-1 postseason record.  Hopefully I will hear this song many times this season.

Disappointing

When Duke lost to Lehigh, I thought it was a portent of good things to come.  Unfortunately it was not the case.  Last night my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th most hated basketball teams, Louisville, Florida, and Ohio State, all advanced to the elite eight.  I can't wait for Pitino to leave Louisville so I can be a Cardinal fan again.  Tonight Indiana, 5th on that list, has a chance to join them in the next round.  If Kentucky doesn't win tonight, I might not watch any more basketball this season.

Weekend Update

It has taken me until now to recover from all the basketball last weekend.  Here in no particular order are the highlights from the weekend.

Murray State beat Colorado State 58-41.  As disappointing as the game against Marquette was, it doesn't overshadow the great 31-2 season.

Duke lost to Lehigh 75-70.  The game that Duke loses is always my favorite game of the tournament.  The fact that it happened in the first round against a 15 seed may make it my favorite game of all time.

Former Racers Mick Cronin and Mark Gottfried both reached the sweet sixteen.  I will keep cheering them on despite the fact that they ruined my bracket.

I ate my weight in Oreos.  I know that sounds impossible, but I it actually happened.  It was no easy task considering that with each Oreo that I ate my weight increased.  I also ate quite a bit of non-Oreo food that was really good, but it paled in comparison to the Oreos.  Did I mention that I like Oreos.  I just had to take a break from writing this to go to the kitchen and get an Oreo.

Ellen and I spent some time using the scenario generator trying to determine who needed to win the games to put either of our brackets in first place or put other people's brackets into last place.  I can no longer reach first (thanks Missouri and Florida State) but Ellen still can.

The lowest light of the weekend was watching all those commercials over and over again on live television.  It did lead to the stunning revelation that Mayhem and Dennis Duffy are played by the same actor.  It blew Ellen's mind.  She was torn between a love for Mayhem that is deeper than the Mariana Trench and a hatred for Dennis Duffy that burns with the intensity of a thousand suns.

I had my first fantasy baseball draft of the season Sunday night.  With the #1 pick I drafted Miguel Cabrera, then he broke his face the next day.

Game Notes

My favorite holiday is the second round of the NCAA tournament.  I stopped at Mark's Donuts on the way home from work Thursday morning, and I have not stopped eating yet.  The only times that I have left my couch in the past two days is to empty my bladder and refill my coffee cup.

I have watched most if not all of 31 of the 32 basketball games played so far.  I did not turned on the Duke/Lehigh game until there was less than two minutes left.  I hate Duke so much, that I will not watch them play, even when they are losing.  Though that little bit of the game that I watched was nearly my favorite part of the weekend.

Of course my favorite game so far was Murray State's 58-41 win over Colorado State.  The Racers shot poorly from the free throw line, the three point line, and from two point range.  Their usual difficulties with defensive rebounding continued.  Because of these struggles, Murray limped into half time down by one.  In the second half the defense that earned them a 30-1 record shutdown the Rams offense.  Now that the rust from the eleven day layoff is gone, Murray State is poised to make their first trip to the sweet sixteen.

The state of Kentucky has a 4-1 record so far.  The only loss was against another Kentucky school.  In addition to Murray State's win, two former coaches, Mick Cronin and Mark Gottfried, also won their second rounds games.

There have been a few moments when only one game was on, but more often at least two and sometimes four games were going on at once.  To keep from missing any of the games, I borrowed my roommate's laptop.  This was almost sensory overload.  Especially since I had the sound turned on for three of the games.

Missouri losing yesterday ruined the chances that my prediction bracket would win any awards.  I picked Missouri to advance to the final four.  The last time this happened to me was 2006 when Kansas lost their first round game to Bradley instead of in the championship game like I predicted.  I picked Duke to lose in the next round, so their loss did not hurt my brackets much (though even if it had, it would have been worth it).

I should be glad that Missouri, the #2 seeded team in the West, was upset yesterday, but I'm not.  If Murray beats Marquette, they play the winner of the Florida/Norfolk State game.  I think the Racers matched up better against Missouri than Florida.  But I will wait to worry about that game after the Marquette game today.

Tourney Time

The six division one basketball teams from Kentucky are members of four different conferences.  Murray State, Western Kentucky, and Louisville all won their conference tournaments.  The state had a chance to win all four tournaments until those losing losers from Losington lost to Vanderbilt.  Somehow UK got an at large bid giving the state four teams in the NCAA tournament for the first time since 1995.  Three times in the last seven years two instate teams have been forced to play each other in the first or second round.  If WKU can win tonight, they will play UK on Thursday.

I really like Murray's bracket.  There is no really good big until Michigan State, which would be an elite eight game.  Of course that means that their opponents likely play a similar style of basketball as the Racers do.  This year is the first time that I have picked Murray to win their game since 1999 against Ohio State.  Yes I do still have all of my brackets since 1993.  This is the second year in a row that I have picked the OVC champion to advance to the sweet sixteen.  Last year Morehead State beat Louisville but then lost to Richmond.  A higher seed for MSU would have been nice, but playing in Louisville is more important.

Racer Withdrawal

Today is the first Saturday in months that I there has not been a Murray State basketball game to watch.  To fill my Racer needs, I turned to the dvr and the internet.  I watched the tournament win over Vanderbilt from two seasons ago.  Unfortunately back then all the games were on CBS instead of the four channel schedule that started last season.  My local station was showing an earlier game that went into overtime.  As a result, I only have the second half of the Murray game recorded.  The game was just as great as I remembered, though not as stressful this time around.  It was really strange seeing Ed Daniel with short hair.  Here are some of the game highlights.

Here's another highlight from that season.

This is a video made by CBS Sports recently.  Earlier this week I went searching for Aubrey Reese's buzzer beater against SEMO in the 1999 OVC title game.  All I could find was a low quality twelve minute video that took forever to buffer.  Since I could not find a good clip of that shot, I will leave you with this instead.

Next up on the dvr is last season's win over Stanford.

Funny Anecdotes from Work

The other day at work, a truck driver said to my supervisor, "I heard that you married an eighteen year old."  Actually I don't remember the exact quote, but it was something like that.  Tony quickly said that he was not, but that I was.  I stated emphatically, "I would shoot myself in the head before marrying an eighteen year old."

This morning I was dumping sacks of mail.  The container of empty sacks was sitting about five feet away from me.  Empty sacks have almost no weight to them, so they have to be thrown in a way that keeps them from catching too much wind.  I usually throw them with a frisbee type motion.  One time I had to hurry my throw as my supervisor was about to walk through the flight path.  The sack unfolded and fell short of the target.  Raymond laughed and said, "Mr Kentucky."  For those of you who don't speak basketball, this was a reference to the fact that basketball was invented, perfected, and is worshiped in Kentucky, my home state.  The fact that the sacks are orange helps the analogy.  It is possible that he was also referring to the rumor that has circulated through the post office that I was an All-American basketball player in college.  Unfortunately a car wreck following my senior year injured my knee and kept me from reaching the NBA.  I am still amazed how many people were gullible enough to believe that story considering the source, and how many people stopped believing it after actually seeing me play basketball.

My Commute

I would like to thank Al Gore for both the warm weather we are having now and the chance to publish a story about it.  If he had not invented global warming and the internet, you would not be able to read this tale.

One day last week I was driving to work with my roof open.  Sixty degree weather is a welcome relief from the usual bone chilling February temperatures.  As I was driving along the interstate, I heard a loud noise.  I frantically looked around trying to find the source of the disturbance, hoping that Betty was not making that noise.  There were no cars around me, so my fears of a wreck were temporarily relieved.  But then I looked up and the entire window was filled by the belly of a plane.  I was a little bit terrified.  It looked close enough that if I had stuck my hand out of the window that I would have been able to touch it.  I should probably point out that I was driving passed the airport when this happened.  Thankfully the plane past over me and as far as I know landed safely.  Despite my fear, I was able to control my bladder and arrive at work unscathed.  And then I found five dollars.

Academy Awards

Today is that annual event where I say, "Fill in the blank (Billy Crystal this year) was funny but Jon Stewart would have been better."  That's right, it's Oscar night.  I have only seen four best picture nominees so far.  Tree of Life was visually spectacular but not much in the way of story.  The Help is probably the favorite.  Race relations in this country usually wins the Oscar.  It was good but not great.  I really liked Midnight in Paris, but I would be surprised if it won.  Moneyball is supposedly about baseball, but mostly it is about Brad Pitt being charming.  That's not really difficult to pull off.  It did make Jonah Hill likable which I never expected.  My hope is that Thor wins as a write in candidate.

It's Awesome, Baby!

Tonight in Murray Ky, the #16 Saint Mary's Gaels play #14 Murray State Racers. This will be first time that two ranked teams have played at the CFBC Center, and the first time that a ranked MSU will play another ranked team. The game will be televised on ESPN and called by Dick Vitale. I'm not a big Dickie V fan, but he is the voice of college basketball.

Two weeks ago #14 St. Mary's was 22-2, and #7 Murray was 23-0. Since then the Racers lost to TSU and the Gaels have lost 2 of 3. Despite the recent losses by both teams, this is still a great matchup. Both teams should already be locks for the NCAA tournament, but if not, today's winner will definitely be in.

When this game was scheduled, I was very worried about SMC's size advantage. I am still nervous, but their recent losses make me feel better about Murray's chances.

Working for the Weekend

When I started working for the post office thirteen long years ago, I was just an average employee.  Typing is not my area of expertise, so I didn't do anything to distinguish myself from the rest of the work force.  That all changed in 2002.  My job changed from typing to physical labor.  I would rather rip my arm off than pat myself on the back, but I am probably the best physical laborer that you have ever met.  In a recent letter of recognition, my supervisor wrote that I do "the work of three employees."  I think that this has to be an exaggeration.  I only work an eight hour shift, and that is enough time to do the work of just one employee.  It is more likely that my coworkers that I was being compared to only do the work of 1/3 of an employee, which explains a lot about the current state of the USPS.  The letter also stated that I am "the hardest working man at the Little Rock Plant."  I can't argue with that.

In 2003, my first full year as a mail handler, I was named Little Rock Postal Worker of the Year.  Then again the next year and the next.  In fact every year since then except for 2007 when I broke my finger.  I was also named Arkansas Postal Worker of the Year in '04, '05, '06, '08, '09, and '11.  In 2010 they gave it posthumously  to a carrier from up around Jonesboro who was run over while delivering the mail just a few days before retirement.  I took home the National Postal Worker of the Year in '05, '06, '09, and '11.  You might think that all of this praise might go to my head, but it hasn't.  I was already extremely conceited before the recognition.  My inability to win the International Postal Worker of the Year has also kept me humble.  It is not just me though.  No one from the US has won since the days of the pony express.  There is a huge anti-American bias in the judging.  It is really hard to compete with those eight year-old Asians who are working sixteen hours a day.

All Good Things Must Come to an End

Of course I am referring to both my recent Internet silence and Murray State's undefeated season. I have been expecting this loss for a few weeks now. The Racers have been just barely beating teams that they are clearly better than. I am not one of those people who say that a team needs to lose, but hopefully this loss will take some of the pressure off of them.

There could be more defeats on the horizon. Four of the five remaining matchups will be more difficult than this one. After Saturday's game against Peay, the Racers go to Cape, host a very good St. Mary's team, and then travel to Cookeville and Nashville for a rematch against the Tigers.

This was such an amazing winning streak. This past weekend pollsters ranked MSU #7/#9 and ahead of Duke. Take a moment to let that sink in. The question now is how far down the rankings the Racers will drop now that the novelty of the undefeated season has pasted. They will definitely fall out of the top 15. If they don't step on Peay's throat Saturday, they will be out of the top 20 or possibly unranked.

Of course a regular season loss hurts, but the most important thing for the Racers is to win the OVC tournament. Murray has been projected as a 6 or 7 seed in the NCAA since the win at Memphis. I am curious how much this loss will change that. It might be good for the Racers to lose another game to help them avoid the 8/9 game in Kentucky's bracket.

I am really glad that there was cake and ice cream at the house to comfort me after the loss. As bad as this hurt, there are at least 7 games left in the season.

Put That Out

I don't usually pay any attention to movie ratings.  Though sometimes when the rating appears on the screen, I will read the reasons behind the rating.  I watched Midnight in Paris this weekend and was surprised by the reason for its PG-13 rating.  Some sexual references and smoking were what earned this movie the PG-13.  Is smoking so bad that you need to be thirteen to view it?

Glad That's Finally Over With

Sunday I watched the final Harry Potter movie.  Just like in the other movies, there were many occasions for sighs, groans, and throwing my hands in the air at the hatchet job done to this classic work of literature.  There were a few moments that the movie would almost get right, but then it would ruin the scene with some terrible rewrite.  Watching the movie was very frustrating.  There was one moment of brilliance however.  I don't remember the exact quote, but this will be good enough for you.

Ellen said, "I have something to say, but it's not about Harry Potter."

Shane replied, "That's okay.  This movie's not about Harry Potter either."

That exchange sums up the whole movie watching experience.  The only enjoyment that I got watching this movie was from making fun of it.  Now that I have seen all eight movies, I can spend the rest of my life pretending that they were never made.

How To Lose 10 Pounds in 1 Day

Anyone who has seen me in the last two weeks will be delighted to know that I cut off that mess of hair.  There might not have actually been ten pounds, but I couldn't run and jump over the pile of hair that I swept up afterwards.  I would have taken before and after photos, but when I got out of the shower this morning, I had my hair combed back in a very non-photogenic style.

I also trimmed those wild onions that provided such a convenient handle last weekend.  I will have to remember to keep my beard short whenever there are eight year olds around.

Go Racers

I have been meaning to write this post for a while.  I should have written about the Racers after they won the Great Alaska Shootout at Thanksgiving, or in December when they beat the #20 ranked Tigers at Memphis.  I wasn't blogging much at that time, so I kept putting it off.  The undefeated season has reached the point where I am afraid that writing about the team will jinx them.  Of course, there has been enough written by others that one more won't ruin the season.

I thought that the undefeated season was going to end on Wednesday.  Murray had lost at Morehead three years in a row, mostly because of Kenneth Faried, who is now a Denver Nugget.  When the Eagles took an early 7-2 lead, I had a feeling that the winning streak was about to end.  I had planned to go to church after watching the first few minutes of the game, but the Racers started so poorly that I had to stay home to watch the loss.  I am ashamed to say that it was the third time this season that I have skipped church to watch the game.  Morehead stretched their lead to eleven, while Murray was falling apart offensively.  Eventually the Racers stopped turning the ball over and hit a few shots.  If not for Drew Kelly getting in foul trouble, Morehead would have won the game.

Murray has had a one dimensional offense since Ivan Aska broke his hand five games ago.  Without him, the Racers don't have anyone on the team with a post up game.  The other bigs are just garbage men.  Thankfully we have some really good guards.  Isaiah Canaan and Donte Poole have raised their combined scoring average from 30.4 to 40.8 during Aska's absence.  I hope his hand is heals soon, otherwise that first loss will come sooner rather than later.

Murray State is ranked #12 in the AP and #10 in the Coaches Poll.  This is the first time they have been ranked since 1998 and the highest since being ranked #16 twice in the 1950's.  Even if we keep winning, I think #10 is our ceiling.  The Racers are not the tenth best team in the nation especially without Aska.  We don't have enough size or depth.  I believe that voters are ranking us that high because it is a good story and because they are tired of the same teams being ranked every year.  I know if it was me, I would rather rank an undefeated team from a one bid conference than the sixth best Big East team.

Eventually the Racers will lose a game.  It could happen tonight in Edwardsville.  When they lose, Murray will drop at least ten spots in the polls.  This is basketball, not football, so the polls don't mean all that much.  The tournament selection committee doesn't pay much attention to polls when making out the tournament bracket.  They rely more on RPI, Rating Percentage Index.  This score is based on winning percentage, opponent's winning percentage, and opponent's opponent's winning percentage.  Murray State is currently ranked #29 in RPI.  One spot ahead of a six loss Memphis team that lost at home to the Racers.  These teams are ranked so close because Memphis has the ninth toughest schedule, while Murray State has the two hundred sixteenth.  The tournament expert at ESPN currently has MSU projected to be a seven seed in the tourney, which about where they are ranked in the RPI.

The big benefit of being ranked #10/#12 in the polls is the exposure the Racers are getting.  They are mentioned frequently on Sportscenter and the college basketball shows.  Tonight's game will be their third on ESPNU.  My hope is that all this will  lead to better recruits coming to play at Murray in the future.  I don't expect the Racers to become a national power over night, but 2010's win over Vanderbilt plus this year's possible undefeated national championship season could be the beginning of greatness at my alma mater.

On the Road Again

Once upon a time, I was driving home to Kentucky.  It was my third such trip in the past four weekends.  I am very tired of that road.  On my previous journeys Carolyn McCormick entertained me by recounting the deaths of nearly everyone in Panem.  This time I only had music to help keep me alert, unless you count my copilot who was busy playing spider solitaire on her laptop.

I don't remember the exact location, but some where on that fourteen mile stretch of 55 in Missouri, I saw a state trooper getting on the interstate.  It was a good thing that I was paying attention since he did not have his headlights on.  I moved over to the left lane, so that he had plenty of room for merging.  The lane change was unnecessary since he just parked there on the shoulder of the interstate.  About a mile further down the highway, a there was a trooper on the side of the road with his lights flashing parked behind some criminal.  I again moved over to the left lane leaving plenty of room for the trooper and his prey.  Approximately a mile further on, there was a third little piggy on the side of the road with his lights off waiting for law breakers.  For the third time courtesy got the better of me, and I moved over to the left lane.

I had just turned to my copilot to remarked on how well protected that stretch of interstate was, when I saw the flashing lights behind me.  My first instinct was to glance at the speedometer, but of course the cruise control was still set at sixty-nine.  I pulled over assuming that I had a tail light out.  Years ago I had been pulled over just a bit further down 55 because the lights around the license plate were out.  The cop said the reason that he pulled me over was because I had not signaled when changing lanes.

I think that it would have been difficult for him to see my left blinker while sitting on the right shoulder with a semi truck right in front of me.  I typically only let my blinker flash once when changing lanes, especially when there is no one behind me, as was the case last night.  Since he was only giving me a warning, I did not feel any need to argue.  Now if he had been following me on 40, he would have had plenty of excuse to pull me over.  There were about eighteen miles starting from Forrest City where I was weaving in and out of traffic with out using my blinker at all.  My hands were busy with a Blizzard, so I wasn't even steering with my hands.

The stop would have been enough of an annoyance if he had just warned me then sent me on my way.  Instead I had to get out of Betty and go sit in his car while he looked up my driving history.  He asked me several questions during that time.  I don't know if it was just small talk intended to put me at ease or an attempt to discover a more serious crime than failure to signal.  My instinct was to answer his questions with, "I don't think that's any of your business."  I knew this response would risk getting me a ticket instead of just a warning.  I've got more money than sense, so fear of a ticket wasn't what held my tongue.  I knew that answering his questions would be the fastest way to resume my travels, so I was polite and, much to his chagrin, he had to let me go.

I let my blinker flash several times before pulling back on the 55.  I can't be sure since it was night, but I think that the trooper pulled on to the interstate behind me.  I am a good enough driver that I was not worried about him following me, but my instincts, honed during my checkered past, forced me to try to keep an eye on him.  Highway U was only about a mile away.  When I took the exit, the car behind me did also.  That could have just been a coincidence, since that is a well known short cut to 155.  When I turned east onto 155, the car kept going and turned west onto 155.  That proves that it was the trooper because no one would take that route on purpose.

I must have seemed suspicious to him, since he followed me to make sure that I turned toward Kentucky, my stated destination.  I got the impression that he stopped me for not signaling just hoping that he could charge me with something worse.  Lucky for me, he did not open the truck and see the illegal immigrants that I was smuggling across state lines.

Happy Centennial

I will finish my first year here with 100 posts.  That is 1 every 3.65 days for those of you not good at math.  I would have reached this mark earlier except for my near total disappearance in November and December.  I scrolled through all the posts trying to pick out the best moments from the year.  Twas the Night Before Today was the unanimous choice for best post.  Another of my favorites was A Tale of Two Kickers.  Maybe all of my posts should be parodies of classic literature.

My hope when I started this blog was to become better at writing and at expressing my thoughts.  I don't think that I have actually accomplish that yet.  Given the quality of this week's post, I'm sure that I haven't.  I would like to write more about meaningful topics this next year, instead of the meaningless drivel that I usually dish out.

I thought that I would have more to say about this milestone, but I wasted much of the afternoon on the ps3.  Now I am finishing this post during half time of MSU @ APSU.  I owe you posts about the #18 team in the nation and the rebuilding Cubs.  I'll try to get those done this week.  

Bump

I'm writing this just to pad my stats.  This is my 99th post.  Tomorrow will be post number 100 in my first year here at Today I Was POMPOUS.  Now turn off your computer and watch the rest of the Cotton Bowl. Woooo Pig Sooie!

Oh Where is My Hairbrush?

A few weeks ago I nearly witnessed something that I thought could never happen.  Whenever there is one of those uncomfortable silences in a conversation, someone thinks of Abraham Lincoln.  If you don't believe me, just wait until the next lull, and it will be you.  I'm not good at holding up my side of the talking, so the best way to avoid thinking of the sixteenth president is to surround myself with people who don't allow air in the conversation.

When I"m with Ellen and Mac, I always assume that I am in a Lincoln free zone.  Separately they are conversation all-stars.  When united, they are an unstoppable flow of words.  That Wednesday last month when the unimaginable nearly happened, Mac reached into his reserve of topics and pulled out one that he had been saving for a rainy day.  I'm sure that he has a couple of dozen subjects that are just waiting for the chance to be discussed.  On that day, Mac asked about my favorite bald fictional character.  I mentioned some names off the top of my head but wasn't sure if I got it right.  Here is the list that I've come up with.

Honorable Mention - Larry the Cucumber. Created by Big Idea Entertainment.  I forgot about Larry until I came up with the name for this post.  The list was already made out, so I stuck him here in the HM section.

Honorable Mention - Evey Hammond.  Written by Alan Moore, drawn by David Lloyd, acted by Natalie Portman.  She is only bald for a short part of the story, but I couldn't leave Portman off the list.

Honorable Mention - Stone Cold Steve Austin.  I thought it would be funny to have a professional wrestler on the fictional characters list.  Austin might not actually be my favorite, but I haven't been able to remember one whom I like more.

10. Vic Mackey - Acted by Michael Chiklis.  The Shield is the story of a corrupt cop.  It is surprising that such an amoral character is so likable.  Though when he gets what he deserves, you don't fell sorry for him.

9. The Dark Lord - Written by JK Rowling, acted by Ralph Fiennes, voiced by Jim Dale.   He Who Must Not Be Named is only on this list because without him as the villain there is no Harry Potter series.

8. Keith Mars - Acted by Enrico Colantoni.  It can't be easy being a single father to the world's best teenage detective.

7. Kingsley Shacklebolt - Written by JK Rowling, acted by George Harris, voiced by Jim Dale.  As I am writing this, I can't remember if house elves have hair.  Maybe Kreacher should be on this list.

6. The Master - Created by Joss Whedon, acted by Mark Metcalf.  He isn't my favorite vampire or my favorite Buffy villain, but definitely my favorite bald person in both categories.

5. Tie.  George Bluth Sr. and Tobias Funke - Acted by Jeffrey Tambor and David Cross.  Funniest show ever.

4. Homer Simpson - Created by Matt Groening, voiced by Dan Castellaneta.  Uncle Homer is the funniest fictional bald character in our family.  Papa is the funniest bald nonfictional character, and Pointer is the funniest fictional nonbald character.

3. Charles Xavier - Created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, acted by Patrick Stewart.  I am not a big fan of telepaths in general.  They are so much more powerful than everyone else that it is hard to write them well.  But he deserves to be on here for founding the X-Men.

2. Charles Gunn - Created by Joss Whedon, acted by J August Richards.  I loved Gunn even before I knew that Richards and I were born on the same day.

1. Benjamin J Grimm, the Ever-Lovin Blue-Eyed Thing - Created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, acted by Michael Chiklis.  In the movie Chiklis plays Grimm as bald, but in real life he has hair.  However the Thing is as bald as a rock.

And In This Corner

I have always been taught that plastic things have to go in the top rack of the dishwasher.  I don't know if this is still true or if dishwasher or plastic technology have advanced to the point of bottom shelf capability.  Last week when I had a top shelf full of plastic ware, I put a glass on the bottom rack dangerously close to a glass 9x13.  It may just be because I have been reading The Hunger Games, but I imagined this as a battle to the death scenario.  The odds were clearly in the favor of the 9x13.

  If were are a betting person, you clearly should have gone with the favorite.  And if you are a person who would bet on this, you definitely have a gambling problem.

Finally Over

Here it is.  The moment that you have been waiting for, my final fantasy football post of the season.  My teams finished 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 14th.  This is my third year with five teams.  I won two titles each of the past two years.  It is no fun having this many teams and no championship.

The Neptune Pirates lost the championship game by just over two points.  I was trying to become the first back to back champion and first four time winner in the eleven year history of the league.  I traded for Calvin Johnson in midseason giving me a third choice for next season's keepers along with Arian Foster and Adrian Peterson.  Peterson has spent his entire five year career with the Pirates (or whatever my teams were named those years), but his season ending knee injury puts his return in jeopardy.

John Brown entered the playoffs on an eleven game winning streak but was easily dispatched by the fourth seed.  JB had a surprisingly good season despite season ending injuries to Jamaal Charles, Matt Schaub, Javid Best, and Greg Jennings.  Hopefully these guys will all be back healthy next season since I get to keep most of the players on this team.

The Danville Platypi were going for a three-peat, but without first round draft pick Jamaal Charles they could not compete with the top two teams in the league.  Congrats to the Bluth Frozen Bananas for their first boy league championship.

4th and Long had their best finish ever.  After four seasons, all in the consolation bracket, I hope that I can finally break into the winner's bracket next year.

Packers Repeat were my third team that lost Jamaal Charles for the season.  In a sixteen team league the talent was spread too thin for me to recover from that injury when my other running backs, Amhad Bradshaw and Matt Forte, also were injured.  I lost eight in a row thanks to those injuries.

NCAA Violations finished in the 92.3 percentile of the College Football Challenge.  Good enough for 6th place at the post office.

Streakers finished in the 95.6 percentile of the Gridiron Challenge.  Good enough for 5th place at the post office.