Oh Where is My Hairbrush?

A few weeks ago I nearly witnessed something that I thought could never happen.  Whenever there is one of those uncomfortable silences in a conversation, someone thinks of Abraham Lincoln.  If you don't believe me, just wait until the next lull, and it will be you.  I'm not good at holding up my side of the talking, so the best way to avoid thinking of the sixteenth president is to surround myself with people who don't allow air in the conversation.

When I"m with Ellen and Mac, I always assume that I am in a Lincoln free zone.  Separately they are conversation all-stars.  When united, they are an unstoppable flow of words.  That Wednesday last month when the unimaginable nearly happened, Mac reached into his reserve of topics and pulled out one that he had been saving for a rainy day.  I'm sure that he has a couple of dozen subjects that are just waiting for the chance to be discussed.  On that day, Mac asked about my favorite bald fictional character.  I mentioned some names off the top of my head but wasn't sure if I got it right.  Here is the list that I've come up with.

Honorable Mention - Larry the Cucumber. Created by Big Idea Entertainment.  I forgot about Larry until I came up with the name for this post.  The list was already made out, so I stuck him here in the HM section.

Honorable Mention - Evey Hammond.  Written by Alan Moore, drawn by David Lloyd, acted by Natalie Portman.  She is only bald for a short part of the story, but I couldn't leave Portman off the list.

Honorable Mention - Stone Cold Steve Austin.  I thought it would be funny to have a professional wrestler on the fictional characters list.  Austin might not actually be my favorite, but I haven't been able to remember one whom I like more.

10. Vic Mackey - Acted by Michael Chiklis.  The Shield is the story of a corrupt cop.  It is surprising that such an amoral character is so likable.  Though when he gets what he deserves, you don't fell sorry for him.

9. The Dark Lord - Written by JK Rowling, acted by Ralph Fiennes, voiced by Jim Dale.   He Who Must Not Be Named is only on this list because without him as the villain there is no Harry Potter series.

8. Keith Mars - Acted by Enrico Colantoni.  It can't be easy being a single father to the world's best teenage detective.

7. Kingsley Shacklebolt - Written by JK Rowling, acted by George Harris, voiced by Jim Dale.  As I am writing this, I can't remember if house elves have hair.  Maybe Kreacher should be on this list.

6. The Master - Created by Joss Whedon, acted by Mark Metcalf.  He isn't my favorite vampire or my favorite Buffy villain, but definitely my favorite bald person in both categories.

5. Tie.  George Bluth Sr. and Tobias Funke - Acted by Jeffrey Tambor and David Cross.  Funniest show ever.

4. Homer Simpson - Created by Matt Groening, voiced by Dan Castellaneta.  Uncle Homer is the funniest fictional bald character in our family.  Papa is the funniest bald nonfictional character, and Pointer is the funniest fictional nonbald character.

3. Charles Xavier - Created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, acted by Patrick Stewart.  I am not a big fan of telepaths in general.  They are so much more powerful than everyone else that it is hard to write them well.  But he deserves to be on here for founding the X-Men.

2. Charles Gunn - Created by Joss Whedon, acted by J August Richards.  I loved Gunn even before I knew that Richards and I were born on the same day.

1. Benjamin J Grimm, the Ever-Lovin Blue-Eyed Thing - Created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, acted by Michael Chiklis.  In the movie Chiklis plays Grimm as bald, but in real life he has hair.  However the Thing is as bald as a rock.