Thirty-Sixth Times the Charm

In a post last week I mentioned Sporcle.  I have been meaning to write a post about it for a while but just never got around to it.  Sporcle is how I spent my life while the rest of the smart phone owning community is playing Angry Birds.  It is by far the best $0.99 that I have ever spent.  A distant second place is everything on the Taco Bell $0.99 menu.  There are more games on the online version, but I mostly play on my phone.  The game that I play the most is Harry Potter Top 200.  The object of the quiz is to list the 200 most mentioned characters in the Harry Potter series in 18 minutes.  My phone has played this game 36 times, though not all by me, Ellen played some of them.  The first few times that I played, my scores were very disappointing.  My competitive nature forced me to return about once a week to improve my score.  Of course every time that I did better, I would raise my goal.  Eventually I decided that I had to get them all right.  So after 36 tries, I finally have a perfect score.

People on the Internet Are Stupid

I wrote a post about every round of the NCAA Basketball Tournament back in March.  Since I wrote that much about something as unimportant as basketball, you knew that I would have to write about each round of the Harry Potter World Cup.  Most of the voting went as I expected.  I voted for 26 of the 32 winners.  One of the closest votes was Kingsley's win over Moody.  I voted for Kingsley.  But if he had been facing Barty Crouch Jr. instead of the real Moody, I would have voted for Crouch.

I missed Grindelwald vs. Ollivander.  I do not have a strong feeling toward either wizard, but would rather have seen the Dumbledore/Grindelwald match-up in the second round.  I voted for Krum to beat Fleur.  That was the most difficult first round match-up for me, so I am not upset that Fleur won.  I voted for Peeves, Kreacher, and Moaning Myrtle over Drako, James, and the Dark Lord.  I knew that there was not much chance that they would advance, but they are some of my favorite characters.  The worst miscarriage of justice in the history of the internet was Narcissa beating Luna.  There is speculation that the voting went that way not because of Narcissa's fan base or Luna haters, but because the winner of the match-up would be facing Cedric (Robert Pattinson).  This makes me want to renounce pacifism, and reach into the internet to gore someone with my sword.  This is what Edward deserves.

My Old Kentucky Home

Last night someone made the statement, "You can take the girl out of Kentucky, but you can't take Kentucky out of the girl."  I replied vehemently, "Why would you want to do that!"  My fellow Kentuckian, the girl in question, heartily agreed.

Later that night I was playing a sporcle quiz on my phone.  The category was US History Grab Bag.  One of the questions was name the vice presidents whose names start with B.  There are five of them.  I remembered Bush, but he was the only one that I could think of.  So you can imagine my embarrassment when the answers were revealed, and I had forgotten Kentucky's VP Alben W Barkley.  I have been to his house, and still forgot him.  I redeemed myself slightly by getting Kentucky right as one of the four states added in the 1790's.  It appears that even though my heart is still in Kentucky, there is not much of it left in my brain.

My New Best Friends

As many of you know, I work outside.  Which means that part of the year I get my nose frozen off and part of the year I sweat bucketfuls.  For the past few weeks, it has been the sweaty season.  You may remember that I took a cold right about the time that the weather warmed up.  Despite constant trips to the water fountain to rehydrate, I was running on fumes by the time the sun came up.  Directed by what must have been divine revelation, I went over to the Wal and Marts and bought a gallon cooler jug and some powdered Gatorade.  It took me about a week to determine how much I needed to drink each night.  Three quarts of Gatorade is what it takes to get me through the night.  I take a long drink from my jug every thirty minutes or so.  I am a little surprised that I have not turned orange yet.

My other title choice for this post was The Only Good Thing to Ever Come From the University of Florida.  I thought that might be too long a title, plus most people would not believe that anything good could ever come from there.  However, UF is the source of Gatorade.  I was not aware of this connection until a couple of years ago when Gatorade ran some commercials about their origin.

Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog for this breaking news.  MTV has combined my two favorite things over at their blog.  They are hosting a tournament to determine the most popular character from the Harry Potter books.  Here is the bracket.  First round voting ends Sunday.  Vote early and vote often!

A Brief History of Time Travel

When last we met, I mentioned that I have opinions about time travel.  I nearly forgot to come back to the subject, but thankfully one of my devoted readers time traveled from the future to remind me to write this.  I won't reveal which of you it was.  I don't want to spoil the surprise.  Just remember that when you gain access to this technology you need to return to yesterday and remind me to write this post.  You can imagine my disappointment when this time traveler told me that when time travel is invented the Cubs still have not won their next World Series.

There are two theories regarding the rules to time travel.  In one time is constant and can't be changed.  It is impossible to go back in time to save the lives of Abe Lincoln and JFK or to kill Hitler before he comes to power or to kill George Lucas between Last Crusade and Greedo shooting first.  That is not to say that travel to the past can not happen, but any travel to the past has already happened.  The best fictional examples of this are Prisoner of Azkaban and Twelve Monkeys.  Dumbledore sends Harry and Hermione back in time to save Buckbeak because Buckbeak had already been saved by the future Harry and Hermione.  Then the Future Harry produces the patronus that he has already seen himself make.  In Twelve Monkeys Bruce Willis travels back in time not to save humanity from the virus but in an attempt to find a cure for the people in his time.  This kind of time travel is less common but makes a better story.  I have had one of these stories stuck in my head for years.  Maybe some day I will actually write it.

The other option is the multiverse.  There are a millions of universes more or less similar to ours.  In one the CIA did not kill Kennedy, in another the Valkyrie plot suceeded in killing Hitler, in another those terrorists in Boston were thrown into the harbor along with the tea, and in one Obama is the first half white president instead of the first half black.  There could even be one where reptiles instead of primates evolved into the dominate species on the planet.  If this is the case, a time traveler could go back in time and change things to create a different future and a new timeline.  Back to the Future is the classic example of this kind of time travel.  I am not sure how well I explained the multiverse.  You should go watch the tv show Sliders for a better explanation.  Unfortunately most if not all comic book time travel falls into this category.  Some of them are really horrible, but Age of Apocalypse and The Cross Time Caper are two of my favorite comics of all time.

At the Close

Last night was the dramatic conclusion to a story months in the making.  No, I do not mean the NBA Finals.  I finished rereading Harry Potter last night.  I have been reading these books for the last approximately 115 hours that I have been driving my car (not counting the trip to Mississippi).  My love for these books grows every time that I read them.  Now comes the time that I decide which book is my favorite.

Sorcerer's Stone

The reasons it is my favorite.  The newness and wonder of Harry finding out that he is a wizard and escaping from the Dursley's house.  It is the introduction of so many people who I love.  The youth and innocence of the main characters.  Neville winning the House Cup.

The reasons it is not my favorite.  There is very little interaction with Quirrell before the finale.  So the revelation that he is the villain, is not as powerful as with other villains.  The book is half over before the troll fight at Halloween.  I do love the beginning of the book, but Hermione is my favorite character.  So half the book is wasted before she becomes friends with Ron and Harry.

Chamber of Secrets

The reasons it is my favorite.  Harry could be the heir of Slytherin, and is mistrusted by the rest of the school.  The trio get along better in this book than any in of the others.  I love the mystery around the basilisk.  And of course Myrtle.

The reasons it is not my favorite.  Lockhart is really annoying.  I know that he is supposed to be, but still.

Prisoner of Azkaban

The reasons it is my favorite.  Lupin as DADA teacher.  The scene in the Shrieking Shack.  A great time travel story.  (It is too long a subject to discuss here, so remind me to sometime write a post about time travel.)  I'll just say that JKR gets it right.

The reasons it is not my favorite.  Ron and Hermione are not speaking to each other.

Goblet of Fire

The reasons it is my favorite.  Potter Stinks.  I always prefer my heroes to be unliked by the general population.  The fake Moody is a great swerve.  The twitchy little ferret.

The reasons it is not my favorite.  It takes a long time to get to Hogwarts.  That part of the story is good, but I miss the school.  Ron is not speaking to Harry and then later Hermione.  Cedric and Fleur both learned the bubble head charm, but Hermione was unable to find the spell.

Order of the Phoenix

The reasons it is my favorite.  Umbridge is even more evil than the Dark Lord himself.  This is the twins best book.  I love Kreacher.  This may be surprising to people who have only seen the movies or only read the books.  But when Jim Dale reads the books to you, it can make a world of difference.  Kreacher is Dale's best voice.


The reasons it is not my favorite.  I subtitle this book "Angry Harry."  The anger does not bother me except when it is directed at his friends.  Cho Chang.

Half Blood Prince

The reasons it is my favorite.  I love flashbacks and origin stories.  Ginny.

The reasons it is not my favorite.  Once again Ron is mad at Hermione.  Lavender Brown.  Even though Harry is right, his obsession with Malfoy's plans gets really old.

Deathly Hallows (this section has been edited for those of you who have not yet read the book)

The reasons it is my favorite.  It is a great ending to a great story.

The reasons it is not my favorite.  The story is over.

In conclusion I rank them Hallows, Chamber, Order, Prisoner, Stone, Goblet, and Prince.  Even though Half Blood Prince is last on this list, it may still be the seventh best book ever written.  The widest gaps on the list between books are between Hallows and Chamber and Goblet and Prince.  Order is very close to Chamber, and Prisoner, Stone and Goblet are close enough that they might be in the wrong order if I was writing this on another day.

First Class

Once upon a time, I wrote a post denouncing the Harry Potter movies because they only vaguely resembled the books that they are allegedly based upon.  On the other hand, I think it is ok to modernize more ancient texts.  If the ghost of Shakespeare were to watch 10 Things I Hate About You, he would just barely recognize the best ever performance of one of his plays.  If instead of a ghost, Shakespeare was a zombie, he would be consumed with desire to eat your brain and not watch the movie at all.  If Shakespeare was a vampire, he would not sparkle.  He would also kill Robert Pattinson, not just because he brought shame upon the vampire name, but also for bringing shame on the acting profession.

I fall in between those extremes when it comes to comic book movies.  Most origin stories have been told and retold so many times by different writers that it is sometimes hard to remember accurately how it actually happened.  That does not even include all the alternate realities.  So when they are made into movies, I give them more leeway than I would a novel.  The most recent X-movie does not resemble any previous X-Men story, and some of the movie characters match their comic book counterpart in name only.  What bothers me more is that the movie does not hold with the continuity of the previous films.  But since I stopped buying Uncanny in 2004, the changes bother less than they might if I was still a devoted reader.  After one viewing I rank it second of the five movies bearing the X.

On Death's Door

Yesterday on Facebook I told you about my sore throat.  As usual the pain lasted about a day then turned into a cold.  My nose and head are stopped up, and I ache all over.  One of these days I will buy a thermometer, but until then I will just assume that I have a fever.  I barely even have the strength to hold this phone and type this out.

Ideally I would have gone to bed last night and slept until I needed to wake up and blow my nose.  That would be approximately every 30 minutes.  I am a nose breather, so I often feel like I am going to suffocate when I have to breathe out of my mouth.

Instead I went to work.  My job is hard enough when healthy but it is nearly impossible when I feel like this.  Did I mention that I work outside?  The temperature was in the high 70's and humidity in the 80's.  With this cold, the weather is a choking Heat.  Somehow I lived through the night.

Now I am going to sleep like a baby.  By that I mean, waking up crying every twice an hour.  I will get up too early this afternoon, just because I will be tired of going back to sleep so many times.

Of course I plan on being healthy enough to see some of you tonight.

I Hate Illinois Nazis

Once upon a time, I needed to buy some birthday presents.  So I went through my normal shopping routine, which consists of going to a few stores, not buying any presents, and buying something for myself.  This time what I bought myself was socks and draws.  I know it is not that exciting, but I was needing some.  My first rule here is to not buy Hanes.  They have some of the worst commercials on television.  That is normally not a problem because I fast forward through most commercials. Unfortunately Hanes is a big advertiser for the NBA, and most sporting events I watch live.  Terrible commercials alone would be reason enough not to buy their product, but the worst thing is their choice of spokesman.  The star of their advertising campaign is Hitler Jordan.  So my brand of choice for draws is Fruit of the Loom.  Buying socks is a bit more of a challenge.  Most companies sell a one size fits most sock.  Shoe sizes 6-12 are all supposed to wear the same sock.  That is big difference is foot size.  The heel of those socks come up to the ankle on my size 10 feet, so they probably come up to the knee for size 6 feet.  I am sure Will could model this for you.  Thankfully I found the brand Sofsole at The Shoe and Carnival.  The socks that I buy from them are for 5-9.5 shoe size.  They are almost too short, but much better than the too long alternative.  So unless I start knitting my own socks to my exact size, this will have to do.