Would you rather Mac ask you about having super powers or a different topic? Hopefully, this will inspire a new topic of conversation.
Last Wednesday at church the speaker was talking about getting more involved in the church and forming closer relationships with our fellow members. He said that we all need a Paul, a Timothy, and a Barnabus in our lives. Paul to be your mentor. Timothy to be mentored. Barnabus to be a close friend who will hold you accountable. My friends and I were discussing the lesson after church, and someone, maybe me, thought that there needed to be more Bible character choices to describe the people in our lives. Here are a few that I came to mind.
Ellen is Lot to my Abraham. I am the older, wiser relative who let's her choose first.
When I was much younger Michelle was Aaron to my Moses. She was my mouth piece when I was a less skilled talker.
Many people could claim the name Eutychus to Mac's Paul. He can talk anyone to sleep.
Numerous people have been Mary to my Martha or Martha to my Mary depending on who is playing the role of Jesus.
Joshua is Peter to my Malchus. Though it was my tooth and not my ear.
Joshua is also Jacob. He stole the birthrite by having the first blue eyed, blonde headed grandchild.
Butch is also Jacob. He loves to give coats to many Josephs.
Traci is Jesus at the wedding, turning water into coffee.
ESPN, the queen of Sheba, gave me riches when I displayed the wisdom of Solomon.
If I ever cooked for her, Susan would be Hananiah, Mishael, Azariah, or Daniel and refuse to eat the meat.
This was a fun exercise in analogy. There are so many more Bible characters that I did not get to use. Could someone volunteer to be Eglon, so that I can gore them with my sword like Ehud?
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Another Sequel
There is a movie about to come out called Apollo 18. I don't know what it is about, but my guess is that Tom Hanks and Kevin Bacon have wrecked the spacecraft for the 18th time. I don't understand why NASA keep letting them go to space. Bruce Willis and a bunch of oil drillers messed up their shuttle less than Hanks and Bacon did. 13 is the only one of the Apollo movies that I have seen. It's possible that different astronauts wreck the shuttle in each movie. I hope that this time Ben Stiller is one of the astronauts who does not make it back from space alive.
Of course I could be completely wrong about the plot of this movie. Maybe this is the 18th Rocky movie, and acting coach Carl Weathers has finally gotten top billing. Apollo died back in Rocky IV, so either he will be boxing in heaven or will be a boxing zombie. I think either script could work. Zombie boxers would explain why Mike Tyson ate Evander Holyfield's ear.
Of course I could be completely wrong about the plot of this movie. Maybe this is the 18th Rocky movie, and acting coach Carl Weathers has finally gotten top billing. Apollo died back in Rocky IV, so either he will be boxing in heaven or will be a boxing zombie. I think either script could work. Zombie boxers would explain why Mike Tyson ate Evander Holyfield's ear.
Monday, August 22, 2011
craZy is as craZy does
A complete lack of inspiration coupled with a full schedule prevented me from writing anything last week. Today you are getting a week old story. I wish that I could force more of my thoughts into word to fill this post, but the heartache of this is still too fresh for me to adequately form sentences.
On July 19, 2004 Carlos Zambrano pitched against the Saint Louis Cardinals, Jim Edmonds hit a homerun in the fourth inning. There were some words exchanged between Edmonds and Big Z after that homerun and after Edmonds strikes out in the sixth. Then in the eighth Scott Rolen hit a homerun to give the Cardinals the lead. The next batter was Edmonds. As he was walking to the plate, I knew that Zambrano was going to throw at him. Big Z hit him with the first pitch and was ejected from the game. That game is when Zambrano became my favorite player.
The 30 year old pitcher has compiled a 125-81 record with 1542 strikeouts and a career 3.60 era. The 3 time all-star led the National League in wins in 2006 and pitched a no hitter in 2008. His bat is as good as his arm. Three times he won the Silver Slugger, the award given to the best hitter at each position.
Last Friday Carlos Zambrano gave up five homeruns in a game for the first time in his career. After the fifth homer, he threw two pitches dangerously close to Chipper Jones and was ejected from the game. He went into the clubhouse, cleaned out his locker, and retired from the game. This is a sad end to what was once a promising baseball career.
He has burned all of his bridges in Chicago, but I hope that he will return to baseball with another team next season.
On July 19, 2004 Carlos Zambrano pitched against the Saint Louis Cardinals, Jim Edmonds hit a homerun in the fourth inning. There were some words exchanged between Edmonds and Big Z after that homerun and after Edmonds strikes out in the sixth. Then in the eighth Scott Rolen hit a homerun to give the Cardinals the lead. The next batter was Edmonds. As he was walking to the plate, I knew that Zambrano was going to throw at him. Big Z hit him with the first pitch and was ejected from the game. That game is when Zambrano became my favorite player.
The 30 year old pitcher has compiled a 125-81 record with 1542 strikeouts and a career 3.60 era. The 3 time all-star led the National League in wins in 2006 and pitched a no hitter in 2008. His bat is as good as his arm. Three times he won the Silver Slugger, the award given to the best hitter at each position.
Last Friday Carlos Zambrano gave up five homeruns in a game for the first time in his career. After the fifth homer, he threw two pitches dangerously close to Chipper Jones and was ejected from the game. He went into the clubhouse, cleaned out his locker, and retired from the game. This is a sad end to what was once a promising baseball career.
Z has become better known for his emotional outbursts than his pitching. His rage fueled meltdowns were aimed at teammates as often as opponents. The dugout was never a safe place when he had a bad game. A Braves fan bragged to me that he was glad that Atlanta made Big Z retire. But I do not think anyone can take the credit when an insane person does something crazy. It would be like taking credit when a hypochondriac goes to the doctor because you sneezed near them.
He has burned all of his bridges in Chicago, but I hope that he will return to baseball with another team next season.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Cubs Win!
I met someone last week. I don't like meeting people. One reason for this is that eventually the question is asked, "What do you do?" The honest answer is that I don't do much. I am very boring. But last week when introducing myself, for the first time part of my answer was that I write. I don't write well or often, but I now think of myself as a writer. Writing, like most arts, requires lots of practice. If I am ever to grow into a better writer, I need to turn off this ballgame so that I am not too distracted to think.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Love Your Enemies
On Wednesday last week, I got the rare opportunity to hear my cousin preach a sermon. He is usually quite taciturn, so one rarely gets the chance to hear his opinions, especially when he is around a blabbermouth like me. There are also some other good sermons at this site. I must warn you that if you are not willing to love your enemies, you should not listen to his sermon.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Make Mine Marvel
A couple of months ago after watching the second of three Marvel movies that came out this year, I realized that I needed to rank all of the Marvel movies. I could have relied on my memory of these movies, but instead I rewatched them all. I own about half of these and watched the rest through Netflix and on cable. I am disappointed in myself for not watching my dvd’s more often. Of course getting a movie from Netflix every other day fills most of my movie watching needs. I have included in my commentary how others have rated these movies. IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes users rate movies on a scale to 10, so I used the same rating system. I have listed the movies in chronologic order. If you can’t wait to find out my rankings, you can skip down to the list at the bottom of the post. As is always the case whenever I make a list, it is subject to change the next time that I watch them. Also, I have only watched the two most recent movies once each. I will need to see them again for a more accurate rating.
Howard the Duck (1986) - This movie has all the classic 80’s movie clichés, and Lea Thompson is working a horrible or awesome 80’s do. It holds up if for nothing else than the nostalgia factor. Thankfully George Lucas made this in 1986 with a midget in a duck suit instead of Jar Jaring it up now. Also bonus points for a Penske sighting. IMDB 4.1, RT 2.5, TP 8.0
The Punisher (1989) - Typical 80's action movie. Lots of people shoot at and miss one guy while he kills someone with every shot he takes. Then it ends with the classic enemy of my enemy is my friend until I can double cross him. IMDB 5.3, RT 3.6, TP 4.9
Captain America (1990) - This was not released in the US. I didn’t even know that it existed until recently. Lucky for me Syfy showed the movie several times when the new version of the movie came out. It is obvious that this movie is very low budget. It looks like it was made a decade before it was actually made. The story was nearly as bad as the production value. IMDB 2.9, RT 2.8, TP 1.8
Fantastic Four (1994) - This movie was never intended to be released, and it was made only because the studio that owned the rights to make a Fantastic Four movie would lose those rights if it did not begin production by a certain date. Though the budget was small, but the story was better than the movies that followed. If there had been some big time special effects, it might have hidden some of the holes in the story. IMDB 3.8, RT 4.6, TP 6.2
Blade (1998) - Blade hits exactly where it aims. As much blood and violence as you would expect from a vampire movie. Though he is not as good at killing vampires as Buffy Summers. IMDB 7.0, RT 5.6, TP 5.8
X-Men (2000) - One of the advantages of writing about mutants is that you do not have to tell an origin story. They are just born that way. This movie shows the first power manifestation of a couple of mutants, then gets to spend the rest of the movie on the story. Marvel has made many movies since this one, but it is still the best. IMDB 7.4, RT 7, TP 9.8
Blade II (2002) - Practically the same movie as the first one as the first one except with Ron Pearlman instead of Stephen Dorff. IMDB 6.6, RT 6, TP 5.6
Spider-Man (2002) - Spider-Man’s origin may be the best story ever told. “With great power, comes great responsibility.” It has been nearly 50 years since Stan Lee wrote that, and it still rings as true as it did then. X-Men has a slight edge here in the rankings due to a higher degree of difficulty. IMDB 7.4, RT 7.6, TP 9.8
Daredevil (2003) - Daredevil is my favorite character, so I wanted this movie to be great. The first few times that I saw it, I liked it. Since then every time that I watch, it gets worse. I had vowed never to watch it again. I like the visualization of his radar sense and love the name dropping of several Daredevil creators, cameo appearances by three of them, and iconic scenes from the book. They changed his dad’s name from Battling Jack to the Devil. It would have made more sense to use the original origin of his name. The neighborhood kids called Matt Daredevil because it was the opposite of his character, much like I was called Wild Man in high school. In the movie he lost his sight running away from his father instead of pushing someone else out of the way of the accident. The most unforgivable thing about the movie is that they made Daredevil a killer. In real life when Matt Murdock loses a court case, Daredevil will go out and find more evidence or catch the guy committing another crime. In this movie Daredevil goes out and kills the criminal. There is a theme running through the movie of Matt trying to convince himself that he is not a bad guy. At the end of the movie he spares Fisk’s life stating that he is not the bad guy, even though five minutes earlier he threw Bullseye out a window. The Director’s Cut of this movie has an additional thirty minutes of footage. It improves the movie, but all of the flaws of the original movie are still there. IMDB 5.4, RT 5.2, TP 4.1
X-Men 2 (2003) - I hold the same grudge against this movie that I do against most of Marvel Comics. It focuses too much on Wolverine. Despite that it is still a really good movie. IMDB 7.7, RT 7.4, TP 9.6
Hulk (2003) - I like Ang Lee’s transitions and use of panels, but the comic book feel of the movie does not mesh well with the darker elements of the plot. The CGI looks goofy in places, though the fight scene with the dogs is a good fight. The fight at the end of the movie doesn’t work, and it leaves a bad aftertaste following a mostly good movie. IMDB 5.7, RT 6.2, TP 6.3
The Punisher (2004) - This is a good shoot’em up movie. The thing that hurts it is that the movie has been made so many times without the Marvel logo at the beginning. The Brave One and Law Abiding Citizen are better versions of this movie. IMDB 6.3, RT 4.5, TP 5.3
Spider-Man 2 (2004) - I have always been very hard on this movie because the love story seems forced to me. But this time, I considered Peter’s complete lack of experience with women as the reason that he could not see that MJ was begging him to want her. So once I got past that, I really enjoyed the movie. IMDB 7.6, RT 8.2, TP 9.3
Blade Trinity (2004) - I have never read Blade other than just his guest appearances in other books, so I don’t know if he is as stiff in real life as he is in the movie. I was glad Ryan Reynolds made his comic book debut as Hannibal King to add some comedy to the movie. I am not familiar with King, but Reynolds gives a pretty good audition for Deadpool. Parker Posey and Triple H make good villains. I do not understand how a character as one dimensional as Blade got three movies and a tv series. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.5, TP 5.2
Elektra (2005) - When it comes to Daredevil’s exes, I prefer Karen, Natasha, and Milla to Elektra. However Elektra and Frank Miller’s story about her are well known and had the potential to be a good movie. But as I mentioned earlier, it was not a good movie. For some unknown reason they decided to make a sequel. She has OCD in the movie. I don’t know why. They use flashbacks to tell what happened between this movie and the last one. But I am sure that anyone unfamiliar with the Hand would not be able to follow it. The parts of the movie that you could follow, were not worth following. IMDB 4.8, RT 3.7, TP 3.2
Man-Thing (2005) - This was released as a Syfy original movie. That pretty well sums up the movie. The most disappointing part is that the Man-Thing has less than five minutes screen time. IMDB 4.1, RT 3.6, TP 2.2
Fantastic Four (2005) - This was better than I remembered. The first thing that comes to mind when this movie is mentioned is the pointless striptease that Alba does. That scene nearly ruins the movie for me. I think that the love triangle was a mistake. Victor von Doom cares nothing about love. He is only interested in power. Other than those things the movie is mostly solid. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.5, TP 6.1
X-Men the Last Stand (2006) - Jean died at the end of the last movie, so this one had to be about Phoenix. Being replaced by a cosmic entity probably would not have worked in a movie. Instead they give her a split personality, that has been held prisoner by Xavier for all these years. Her first act after resurrection is to kill Scott. Scott and Jean’s love for each other is what defeated the Dark Phoenix in the comics. Killing Scott eliminates that threat. Of course this is not explained in the movie. The other reason for that is to make Wolverine the central character in the movie. She then kills Xavier for revenge, but also because has the power to recage her. For the rest of the movie she does nothing but stand behind Magneto until after he is defeated. Then she destroys everything in the vicinity, for no apparent reason. Wolverine stabs her in the stomach, and she dies instantly. Bryan Singer may have had a better story than this in mind when he killed Jean in the last movie, but instead he made Superman Returns, which is even worse than this movie. The mutant cure is always a good story, and that part worked well. IMDB 6.9, RT 5.9, TP 3.6
Ghost Rider (2007) - Ghost Rider and his motorcycle looked good. The caretaker and his horse look even better. The story and acting are just ok. This movie suffers because Johnny Blaze, like Blade and Frank Castle, are not interesting characters. The reason that Spider-Man and Iron Man are good movies is because Peter Parker and Tony Stark are better characters than Spider-Man and Iron Man. IMDB 5.2, RT 4.3, TP 4.8
Spider-Man 3 (2007) - It was obvious that Rammi knew that this would be his last movie, because he tried to cram every idea he has ever had into the movie. The fight scenes and CGI are some of Marvel’s best. It is a shame that the story was so bad. I mostly liked the Harry story. He forgives Peter when he learns that Norman’s injuries were caused by his own weapon, even though Harry has a huge scare on his face from Peter using his own weapon against him. The Brock portion of the Venom story was good, but the all the goofing and dancing while under the symbiote’s influence was terrible. Rammi thought that the audience was too stupid to tell when this was happening, so he gave Peter emo hair in those scenes. Why did Dunst sing three songs in the movie? She is not a bad singer, but not good either. Rammi changed what I earlier referred to as the best story ever told. His reason was to fill Parker with enough rage to fuel the symbiote. That was a huge mistake. IMDB 6.4, RT 6.2, TP 2.9
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) - In the first movie Sue’s powers flicked off to show her in her underwear. So it is no surprise that when she and Johnny swap powers, they use that as a excuse to burn off all of her clothes. It did not show any nudity, but that is beside the point. In both movies, the only way they can think of to use Reed’s powers is to make him look like a goof. Apparently they don’t know the difference between a nerd and a dork. The Surfer was ok, but how could they waste a chance to put Galactus on screen? The movie ends with Silver Surfer fighting a cloud just like Hulk did in his movie. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.8, TP 5.5
Iron Man (2008) - The only criticism that I can think of is that I think Tony should start off as more of a jerk. The problem is that even when Downey acts arrogant it still comes off as charming. Iron Man’s greatest weakness is the lameness of his rogues gallery. Most of his villains are rival businessmen who hire mercenaries to attack Stark. The one exception being the Mandarin, who I expect to see in the third movie if the franchise continues. IMDB 7.9, RT 7.6, TP 9.3
Incredible Hulk (2008) - Marvel recast this from the original. I like Bana, but Norton is an upgrade. William Hurt is a step down from Sam Elliott. Liv Tyler is not even in the same league as Jennifer Connelly. I liked the Hulk’s darker skin tones and the fight with Abomination was great. I am not a fan of Hulk’s origin being tied to the super soldier program. If that happened in the first movie, I would be ok with it. Changing it from one movie to the next is an insult to the first movie. IMDB 7.0, RT 6.1, TP 9.5
Punisher: War Zone (2008) - They skipped the origin in this movie and just had a brief flashback summary of it. That left more time for killing folks. Jigsaw was very Tim Burton Joker, and seemed a little out of place with the rest of the movie. IMDB 6.1, RT 4.3, TP 5.4
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) - Hugh Jackman does a really good job as Wolverine in all the movies. It would be better if was 5’ 3” and more muscular, but that body does not exist in real life. I was disappointed in Marvel when they made the comic that revealed Wolverine’s origin. My disappointment was not in the story, but that the story was told. I liked the mystery of his past. When you make a prequel movie, the story has to end in a way that sets up the movies that we have already seen. They needed Wolverine to forget his past, so they shot him in the head with an adamantium bullet. They even stated in the movie that the brain would heal, but the memories would not. Very convenient. There is of course no explanation for Creed’s memory loss between this movie and the first one. Since Schreiber is not referred to as Sabertooth, and Tyler Mane was never called Creed, they may just be pretending that they are different people. The movie ends with Stryker being taken into custody for killing a general. Yet he is still a top military officer in X-Men 2. I do not understand why they planned a Deadpool movie when he is so loosely based on the character. IMDB 6.7, RT 5.1, TP 4.3
Iron Man 2 (2010) - The first movie made very few mistakes. This movie had higher highs and lower lows. I did not like the drunken Iron Man scene. Tony drinks throughout the movies, but I don’t think he would put on the suit while at a party. Unlike Batman, Stark is comfortable out of costume. I think he would spend his final birthday in a more carnal way rather than a skeet shoot. Demon in a Bottle is a well known story about Tony’s alcoholism, but I think this was a poor attempt at putting it on film. I love Cheadle but would have preferred Howard returning. The new characters in this movie were all fantastic. IMDB 7.1, RT 6.5, TP 9.4
Kick-Ass (2010) - I went to Marvel’s website to make sure that I had all the movies in the right chronological order. Kick-Awesome was not on their list of movies. Granted the book is not set in the Marvel Universe, but I was surprised that they did not claim the movie. I don’t think that a little girl could be that good a fighter regardless of how well trained. IMDB 8, RT 7, TP 8.9
Thor (2011) - I wrote a longer review of this back the first time that I saw it. Normally I would be upset by the complete rewrite of Jane Foster’s character, but I won’t. It was an excuse to see Natalie Portman. Nothing wrong with that. IMDB 7.4, RT 6.7, TP 9.7
X-Men: First Class (2011) - I called this the second best X-movie when I saw it. Having rewatched X2 since then, I have to drop First Class to third. IMDB 8.0, RT 7.4, TP 8.5
Captain America: First Avenger (2011) - I was worried that I might have over-ranked this after one viewing. Now that I've seen it twice, I may have under-ranked it. IMDB 7.5, RT 6.9, TP 9.4
30. Captain America 1.8
29. Man-Thing 2.2
28. Spider-Man 3 2.9
27. Elektra 3.2
26. X-Men: Last Stand 3.6
25. Daredevil 4.1
24. X-Men Origins: Wolverine 4.3
23. Ghost Rider 4.8
22. The Punisher 1989 4.9
21. Blade Trinity 5.2
20. The Punisher 2004 5.3
19. Punisher: War Zone 5.4
18. Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer 5.5
17. Blade II 5.6
16. Blade 5.8
15. Fantastic Four (2005) 6.1
14. Fantastic Four (1994) 6.2
13. Hulk 6.3
12. Howard the Duck 8.0
11. X-Men: First Class 8.5
10. Kick A 8.9
9. Iron Man 9.3
8. Spider-Man 2 9.3
7. Iron Man 2 9.4
6. Captain America: First Avenger 9.4
5. Incredible Hulk 9.5
4. X-Men 2 9.6
3. Thor 9.7
2. Spider-Man 9.8
1. X-Men 9.8
Howard the Duck (1986) - This movie has all the classic 80’s movie clichés, and Lea Thompson is working a horrible or awesome 80’s do. It holds up if for nothing else than the nostalgia factor. Thankfully George Lucas made this in 1986 with a midget in a duck suit instead of Jar Jaring it up now. Also bonus points for a Penske sighting. IMDB 4.1, RT 2.5, TP 8.0
The Punisher (1989) - Typical 80's action movie. Lots of people shoot at and miss one guy while he kills someone with every shot he takes. Then it ends with the classic enemy of my enemy is my friend until I can double cross him. IMDB 5.3, RT 3.6, TP 4.9
Captain America (1990) - This was not released in the US. I didn’t even know that it existed until recently. Lucky for me Syfy showed the movie several times when the new version of the movie came out. It is obvious that this movie is very low budget. It looks like it was made a decade before it was actually made. The story was nearly as bad as the production value. IMDB 2.9, RT 2.8, TP 1.8
Fantastic Four (1994) - This movie was never intended to be released, and it was made only because the studio that owned the rights to make a Fantastic Four movie would lose those rights if it did not begin production by a certain date. Though the budget was small, but the story was better than the movies that followed. If there had been some big time special effects, it might have hidden some of the holes in the story. IMDB 3.8, RT 4.6, TP 6.2
Blade (1998) - Blade hits exactly where it aims. As much blood and violence as you would expect from a vampire movie. Though he is not as good at killing vampires as Buffy Summers. IMDB 7.0, RT 5.6, TP 5.8
X-Men (2000) - One of the advantages of writing about mutants is that you do not have to tell an origin story. They are just born that way. This movie shows the first power manifestation of a couple of mutants, then gets to spend the rest of the movie on the story. Marvel has made many movies since this one, but it is still the best. IMDB 7.4, RT 7, TP 9.8
Blade II (2002) - Practically the same movie as the first one as the first one except with Ron Pearlman instead of Stephen Dorff. IMDB 6.6, RT 6, TP 5.6
Spider-Man (2002) - Spider-Man’s origin may be the best story ever told. “With great power, comes great responsibility.” It has been nearly 50 years since Stan Lee wrote that, and it still rings as true as it did then. X-Men has a slight edge here in the rankings due to a higher degree of difficulty. IMDB 7.4, RT 7.6, TP 9.8
Daredevil (2003) - Daredevil is my favorite character, so I wanted this movie to be great. The first few times that I saw it, I liked it. Since then every time that I watch, it gets worse. I had vowed never to watch it again. I like the visualization of his radar sense and love the name dropping of several Daredevil creators, cameo appearances by three of them, and iconic scenes from the book. They changed his dad’s name from Battling Jack to the Devil. It would have made more sense to use the original origin of his name. The neighborhood kids called Matt Daredevil because it was the opposite of his character, much like I was called Wild Man in high school. In the movie he lost his sight running away from his father instead of pushing someone else out of the way of the accident. The most unforgivable thing about the movie is that they made Daredevil a killer. In real life when Matt Murdock loses a court case, Daredevil will go out and find more evidence or catch the guy committing another crime. In this movie Daredevil goes out and kills the criminal. There is a theme running through the movie of Matt trying to convince himself that he is not a bad guy. At the end of the movie he spares Fisk’s life stating that he is not the bad guy, even though five minutes earlier he threw Bullseye out a window. The Director’s Cut of this movie has an additional thirty minutes of footage. It improves the movie, but all of the flaws of the original movie are still there. IMDB 5.4, RT 5.2, TP 4.1
X-Men 2 (2003) - I hold the same grudge against this movie that I do against most of Marvel Comics. It focuses too much on Wolverine. Despite that it is still a really good movie. IMDB 7.7, RT 7.4, TP 9.6
Hulk (2003) - I like Ang Lee’s transitions and use of panels, but the comic book feel of the movie does not mesh well with the darker elements of the plot. The CGI looks goofy in places, though the fight scene with the dogs is a good fight. The fight at the end of the movie doesn’t work, and it leaves a bad aftertaste following a mostly good movie. IMDB 5.7, RT 6.2, TP 6.3
The Punisher (2004) - This is a good shoot’em up movie. The thing that hurts it is that the movie has been made so many times without the Marvel logo at the beginning. The Brave One and Law Abiding Citizen are better versions of this movie. IMDB 6.3, RT 4.5, TP 5.3
Spider-Man 2 (2004) - I have always been very hard on this movie because the love story seems forced to me. But this time, I considered Peter’s complete lack of experience with women as the reason that he could not see that MJ was begging him to want her. So once I got past that, I really enjoyed the movie. IMDB 7.6, RT 8.2, TP 9.3
Blade Trinity (2004) - I have never read Blade other than just his guest appearances in other books, so I don’t know if he is as stiff in real life as he is in the movie. I was glad Ryan Reynolds made his comic book debut as Hannibal King to add some comedy to the movie. I am not familiar with King, but Reynolds gives a pretty good audition for Deadpool. Parker Posey and Triple H make good villains. I do not understand how a character as one dimensional as Blade got three movies and a tv series. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.5, TP 5.2
Elektra (2005) - When it comes to Daredevil’s exes, I prefer Karen, Natasha, and Milla to Elektra. However Elektra and Frank Miller’s story about her are well known and had the potential to be a good movie. But as I mentioned earlier, it was not a good movie. For some unknown reason they decided to make a sequel. She has OCD in the movie. I don’t know why. They use flashbacks to tell what happened between this movie and the last one. But I am sure that anyone unfamiliar with the Hand would not be able to follow it. The parts of the movie that you could follow, were not worth following. IMDB 4.8, RT 3.7, TP 3.2
Man-Thing (2005) - This was released as a Syfy original movie. That pretty well sums up the movie. The most disappointing part is that the Man-Thing has less than five minutes screen time. IMDB 4.1, RT 3.6, TP 2.2
Fantastic Four (2005) - This was better than I remembered. The first thing that comes to mind when this movie is mentioned is the pointless striptease that Alba does. That scene nearly ruins the movie for me. I think that the love triangle was a mistake. Victor von Doom cares nothing about love. He is only interested in power. Other than those things the movie is mostly solid. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.5, TP 6.1
X-Men the Last Stand (2006) - Jean died at the end of the last movie, so this one had to be about Phoenix. Being replaced by a cosmic entity probably would not have worked in a movie. Instead they give her a split personality, that has been held prisoner by Xavier for all these years. Her first act after resurrection is to kill Scott. Scott and Jean’s love for each other is what defeated the Dark Phoenix in the comics. Killing Scott eliminates that threat. Of course this is not explained in the movie. The other reason for that is to make Wolverine the central character in the movie. She then kills Xavier for revenge, but also because has the power to recage her. For the rest of the movie she does nothing but stand behind Magneto until after he is defeated. Then she destroys everything in the vicinity, for no apparent reason. Wolverine stabs her in the stomach, and she dies instantly. Bryan Singer may have had a better story than this in mind when he killed Jean in the last movie, but instead he made Superman Returns, which is even worse than this movie. The mutant cure is always a good story, and that part worked well. IMDB 6.9, RT 5.9, TP 3.6
Ghost Rider (2007) - Ghost Rider and his motorcycle looked good. The caretaker and his horse look even better. The story and acting are just ok. This movie suffers because Johnny Blaze, like Blade and Frank Castle, are not interesting characters. The reason that Spider-Man and Iron Man are good movies is because Peter Parker and Tony Stark are better characters than Spider-Man and Iron Man. IMDB 5.2, RT 4.3, TP 4.8
Spider-Man 3 (2007) - It was obvious that Rammi knew that this would be his last movie, because he tried to cram every idea he has ever had into the movie. The fight scenes and CGI are some of Marvel’s best. It is a shame that the story was so bad. I mostly liked the Harry story. He forgives Peter when he learns that Norman’s injuries were caused by his own weapon, even though Harry has a huge scare on his face from Peter using his own weapon against him. The Brock portion of the Venom story was good, but the all the goofing and dancing while under the symbiote’s influence was terrible. Rammi thought that the audience was too stupid to tell when this was happening, so he gave Peter emo hair in those scenes. Why did Dunst sing three songs in the movie? She is not a bad singer, but not good either. Rammi changed what I earlier referred to as the best story ever told. His reason was to fill Parker with enough rage to fuel the symbiote. That was a huge mistake. IMDB 6.4, RT 6.2, TP 2.9
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) - In the first movie Sue’s powers flicked off to show her in her underwear. So it is no surprise that when she and Johnny swap powers, they use that as a excuse to burn off all of her clothes. It did not show any nudity, but that is beside the point. In both movies, the only way they can think of to use Reed’s powers is to make him look like a goof. Apparently they don’t know the difference between a nerd and a dork. The Surfer was ok, but how could they waste a chance to put Galactus on screen? The movie ends with Silver Surfer fighting a cloud just like Hulk did in his movie. IMDB 5.7, RT 4.8, TP 5.5
Iron Man (2008) - The only criticism that I can think of is that I think Tony should start off as more of a jerk. The problem is that even when Downey acts arrogant it still comes off as charming. Iron Man’s greatest weakness is the lameness of his rogues gallery. Most of his villains are rival businessmen who hire mercenaries to attack Stark. The one exception being the Mandarin, who I expect to see in the third movie if the franchise continues. IMDB 7.9, RT 7.6, TP 9.3
Incredible Hulk (2008) - Marvel recast this from the original. I like Bana, but Norton is an upgrade. William Hurt is a step down from Sam Elliott. Liv Tyler is not even in the same league as Jennifer Connelly. I liked the Hulk’s darker skin tones and the fight with Abomination was great. I am not a fan of Hulk’s origin being tied to the super soldier program. If that happened in the first movie, I would be ok with it. Changing it from one movie to the next is an insult to the first movie. IMDB 7.0, RT 6.1, TP 9.5
Punisher: War Zone (2008) - They skipped the origin in this movie and just had a brief flashback summary of it. That left more time for killing folks. Jigsaw was very Tim Burton Joker, and seemed a little out of place with the rest of the movie. IMDB 6.1, RT 4.3, TP 5.4
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) - Hugh Jackman does a really good job as Wolverine in all the movies. It would be better if was 5’ 3” and more muscular, but that body does not exist in real life. I was disappointed in Marvel when they made the comic that revealed Wolverine’s origin. My disappointment was not in the story, but that the story was told. I liked the mystery of his past. When you make a prequel movie, the story has to end in a way that sets up the movies that we have already seen. They needed Wolverine to forget his past, so they shot him in the head with an adamantium bullet. They even stated in the movie that the brain would heal, but the memories would not. Very convenient. There is of course no explanation for Creed’s memory loss between this movie and the first one. Since Schreiber is not referred to as Sabertooth, and Tyler Mane was never called Creed, they may just be pretending that they are different people. The movie ends with Stryker being taken into custody for killing a general. Yet he is still a top military officer in X-Men 2. I do not understand why they planned a Deadpool movie when he is so loosely based on the character. IMDB 6.7, RT 5.1, TP 4.3
Iron Man 2 (2010) - The first movie made very few mistakes. This movie had higher highs and lower lows. I did not like the drunken Iron Man scene. Tony drinks throughout the movies, but I don’t think he would put on the suit while at a party. Unlike Batman, Stark is comfortable out of costume. I think he would spend his final birthday in a more carnal way rather than a skeet shoot. Demon in a Bottle is a well known story about Tony’s alcoholism, but I think this was a poor attempt at putting it on film. I love Cheadle but would have preferred Howard returning. The new characters in this movie were all fantastic. IMDB 7.1, RT 6.5, TP 9.4
Kick-Ass (2010) - I went to Marvel’s website to make sure that I had all the movies in the right chronological order. Kick-Awesome was not on their list of movies. Granted the book is not set in the Marvel Universe, but I was surprised that they did not claim the movie. I don’t think that a little girl could be that good a fighter regardless of how well trained. IMDB 8, RT 7, TP 8.9
Thor (2011) - I wrote a longer review of this back the first time that I saw it. Normally I would be upset by the complete rewrite of Jane Foster’s character, but I won’t. It was an excuse to see Natalie Portman. Nothing wrong with that. IMDB 7.4, RT 6.7, TP 9.7
X-Men: First Class (2011) - I called this the second best X-movie when I saw it. Having rewatched X2 since then, I have to drop First Class to third. IMDB 8.0, RT 7.4, TP 8.5
Captain America: First Avenger (2011) - I was worried that I might have over-ranked this after one viewing. Now that I've seen it twice, I may have under-ranked it. IMDB 7.5, RT 6.9, TP 9.4
30. Captain America 1.8
29. Man-Thing 2.2
28. Spider-Man 3 2.9
27. Elektra 3.2
26. X-Men: Last Stand 3.6
25. Daredevil 4.1
24. X-Men Origins: Wolverine 4.3
23. Ghost Rider 4.8
22. The Punisher 1989 4.9
21. Blade Trinity 5.2
20. The Punisher 2004 5.3
19. Punisher: War Zone 5.4
18. Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer 5.5
17. Blade II 5.6
16. Blade 5.8
15. Fantastic Four (2005) 6.1
14. Fantastic Four (1994) 6.2
13. Hulk 6.3
12. Howard the Duck 8.0
11. X-Men: First Class 8.5
10. Kick A 8.9
9. Iron Man 9.3
8. Spider-Man 2 9.3
7. Iron Man 2 9.4
6. Captain America: First Avenger 9.4
5. Incredible Hulk 9.5
4. X-Men 2 9.6
3. Thor 9.7
2. Spider-Man 9.8
1. X-Men 9.8
Friday, August 5, 2011
With Publishing Comes Great Responsibility
The biggest story in the news this week is the casting of a new Spider-Man. It has been covered by Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Brian Davis, and most everyone else in the media. Peter Parker died in the Ultimate Marvel Universe and a multiracial guy has taken his place as Spider-Man. I don't understand why this is getting so much press.
I will explain the Ultimate Universe for those of you unfamiliar with it. Marvel decided that their readers were too lazy to remember all the things that have happened in the past. So they started a line of books that updated all the characters and created a jumping on point for readers who did not care about forty years of character development. I have heard that some of the stories were good, but, being a purist, I have not read any of them.
When Ultimate began, Marvel had the opportunity to make major changes to the characters. As far as I know, only Nick Fury changed races. Mark Millar changed him from white to Samuel L Jackson. Lucky for Marvel, they were able to cast Jackson to play himself in the movies. I applaud Marvel for making this change now, but they should have done it when Ultimate started.
Minorities have for too long been under represented in comic books. In the early years of superhero comics the creators, characters, and readers were all white. Many of those white characters are still around. There are a handful of prominent African and Black characters, but I cant think of any Hispanic characters other than a few very minor ones. WARNING: This video contains strong language and is not recommended for all viewers.
I doubt that I would care about this even if it had happened in the prime Marvel Universe. I quit reading Spider-Man after he made his deal with the Devil. Joe Quesada thought it was too hard writing stories with Peter and MJ married, so he had them trade all memory and evidence of their lives together to save the life of Aunt May. As I mentioned earlier I am a big fan of Marvel history, so I was offended by them erasing their history. I am also a fan of married people staying married and opposed to making deals with the Devil. I won't ever buy Spider-Man comics again. If I want to read about him, I have plenty of back issues.
When I wrote about Johnny Storm's death, I had intended to include the line, "if he is replaced by Wolverine or Spider-Man, I will quit reading Fantastic Four." Lucky for me I forgot to put that line in the final draft, so I did not have to go back on my word. Spider-Man is in that book now plus in both Avengers books. I dropped the Avengers because Wolverine and Spider-Man were on the team, but I am still reading New Avengers and FF. Any time that a character who has his own book appears in a team book, he is just there to lure in more readers. There is no growth or character development, that is saved for his own title. In New Avengers and FF, Spider-Man is just a guy in a mask not the real Peter Parker or the retconed Peter Parker.
That is all the ranting against comic books that I have for now. Hopefully next week I will have a positive post about comics.
I will explain the Ultimate Universe for those of you unfamiliar with it. Marvel decided that their readers were too lazy to remember all the things that have happened in the past. So they started a line of books that updated all the characters and created a jumping on point for readers who did not care about forty years of character development. I have heard that some of the stories were good, but, being a purist, I have not read any of them.
When Ultimate began, Marvel had the opportunity to make major changes to the characters. As far as I know, only Nick Fury changed races. Mark Millar changed him from white to Samuel L Jackson. Lucky for Marvel, they were able to cast Jackson to play himself in the movies. I applaud Marvel for making this change now, but they should have done it when Ultimate started.
Minorities have for too long been under represented in comic books. In the early years of superhero comics the creators, characters, and readers were all white. Many of those white characters are still around. There are a handful of prominent African and Black characters, but I cant think of any Hispanic characters other than a few very minor ones. WARNING: This video contains strong language and is not recommended for all viewers.
I doubt that I would care about this even if it had happened in the prime Marvel Universe. I quit reading Spider-Man after he made his deal with the Devil. Joe Quesada thought it was too hard writing stories with Peter and MJ married, so he had them trade all memory and evidence of their lives together to save the life of Aunt May. As I mentioned earlier I am a big fan of Marvel history, so I was offended by them erasing their history. I am also a fan of married people staying married and opposed to making deals with the Devil. I won't ever buy Spider-Man comics again. If I want to read about him, I have plenty of back issues.
When I wrote about Johnny Storm's death, I had intended to include the line, "if he is replaced by Wolverine or Spider-Man, I will quit reading Fantastic Four." Lucky for me I forgot to put that line in the final draft, so I did not have to go back on my word. Spider-Man is in that book now plus in both Avengers books. I dropped the Avengers because Wolverine and Spider-Man were on the team, but I am still reading New Avengers and FF. Any time that a character who has his own book appears in a team book, he is just there to lure in more readers. There is no growth or character development, that is saved for his own title. In New Avengers and FF, Spider-Man is just a guy in a mask not the real Peter Parker or the retconed Peter Parker.
That is all the ranting against comic books that I have for now. Hopefully next week I will have a positive post about comics.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
A Short Tale
On Monday I had to make that long drive from Clinton to North Rock. I left home at 4:23 with a cold can of Mountain Dew but no snacks. I had Gerard Doyle reading Chris Paolini to me, so the miles were rolling by at a quick pace. I got to West Memphis a little after seven. I decided to stop at the Dairy Queen there, instead of waiting for DQ at Forrest City, 33 miles further down the road. I got my usual, a Flamethrower Burger and a Blizzard. Sometimes I'll get the combo, but I decided that to eat healthy and skip the fries. My large Blizzard had a lid on it when the lady handed it to me. I peaked inside and made sure that the spoon was in the cup. I was back in the car and headed down the road, when I discovered that my spoon was much shorter than my cup.
To a less accomplished ice cream eater this may have been too great a challenge to overcome. However, I have honed my dessert eating skills to the highest degree through years of arduous training. As I neared the bottom of the cup, I realized that DQ's mixer was also too short to perform its required task. The last inch or so of my Blizzard was pure vanilla instead of the chocolatey goodness that the rest of it had been. I did the best I could to stir in the chocolate dregs with my diminutive spoon. Despite those annoyances, I had a dewishus meal.
To a less accomplished ice cream eater this may have been too great a challenge to overcome. However, I have honed my dessert eating skills to the highest degree through years of arduous training. As I neared the bottom of the cup, I realized that DQ's mixer was also too short to perform its required task. The last inch or so of my Blizzard was pure vanilla instead of the chocolatey goodness that the rest of it had been. I did the best I could to stir in the chocolate dregs with my diminutive spoon. Despite those annoyances, I had a dewishus meal.
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