2012 Resolutions

I don't usually set New Year's resolutions, mostly because I'm not that good at follow through.  So I have decided to set some reasonable goals this year.

I resolve to procrastinate more and not be disappointed by my lack of accomplishments.
I resolve to eat worse and exercise less.
I resolve to waste lots of time on the ps3 and watching television.
I resolve to keep my four suit spider solitaire winning percentage really high on my new laptop (currently 57%).
I resolve to watch as many games as possible of the undefeated, #20 in the nation, Murray State Racers.
I resolve to remember to change my oil at less than 7,000 miles at least once.
I resolve to clean my house at least twice.
I resolve to edit my facebook status at least once a week.  Make that once a month.
I resolve to go to bed instead of falling asleep on the couch, occasionally.
I resolve to get to work on time at least once a week.
I resolve to lower my expectations for the number and quality of blog posts that I will write this year.

These are reachable goals.  I should be able to keep all of them.

By the Skin of My Teeth

These last few months, I haven't been brushing my teeth as frequently as I have in the past, so I was dreading my latest dental appointment.  I have gotten into the bad habit of falling asleep watching tv on the couch in the mornings, then rousing just enough to stumble to my bed without making a detour to the toothpaste.  Also since my last visit, I have developed a Gatorade addiction and am unaware of the long term effect that it has on teeth.  Those worries turned out to be unnecessary because my teeth got their usual clean bill of health.  Even my gums got a good report.  Probably because I had skipped the usual flossing the week before my appointment to make up for not doing it during the previous six months.  I have decided to cut back to only brushing once a day, but I will start flossing regularly.  That combined with my normal over achieving saliva gland should keep my teeth from falling out any time soon.

I learned something important about myself during my dental exam.  It began just like usual.  The hygienist talked about herself while I lay there with tools and fingers in my mouth.  She would occasionally ask a question, and I would grunt once for yes and twice for no.  When it was time for the dentist to inspect my teeth, he was still busy with another patient.  I was stuck there having to talk to the hygienist without anything in my mouth to keep me from forming full sentences.  That was when I realized that I prefer conversations where I don't have to do any of the actual talking but can just nod and occasionally grunt at the appropriate time.  So from now on, I am going to keep dental tools in my mouth at all times to avoid having to talk to people.

A Simpler Way to Ship

I've seen this sticker on several packages this year.  I am impressed that despite the financial difficulties that my employer is facing, we were able to get this endorsement.  I can't help but wonder who awarded us this title.  Was it Santa or Jesus?

Speaking of my employer, it turns out that I work in the town from Footloose.  Music, or at least headphones, have been banning from the workplace.  I will admit that we haven't been following the rules regarding the proper use of headphones, but a complete banning of them is a Fascist plot to ruin my Christmas.  Hopefully, this is just a temporary punishment and not a permanent removal of my heart and soul.  Apparently my boss doesn't realize that music is required to soothe the savage beast within me and to drown out those voices in my head.  RED RUM!  RED RUM!

This Is Next Year, a Year Too Late

The Cubs have been waiting til next year to win the World Series for the last 103 years.  Their beloved third baseman and radio broadcaster Ron Santo waited 32 years to be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.  Unfortunately he died before getting in.  Here is a first draft of his acceptance speech.